In the middle of an extended diatribe against artificial turf, Xan opens the door to Schuester Hall, which is... not the door to Schuester Hall.
Xan peers at it. "Are we being pranked or something? Has someone not been informed that I piss napalm?"
"You bleed napalm," notes Leo. "If you were pissing it we'd have a medical issue on our hands. Somebody could've thrown up an illusion, but I don't really see the point of replacing Schuester with... a bar? With some chick inside? Like, what, we're going to whip out our fake IDs and get in trouble? But Mom always says that if you can't see the point of a trap then whoever set it is smarter than you are. Let's go down the hall and take the south door."
"Jesus Christ," Xan mutters, hauling Leo in by the arm. "Let's avoid the cool-as-shit magic bar, he says. You're such a fucking girl."
Leo makes a noise of protest. "I'm working on that! And I object to your manhandling!"
They behold the bar. It's a very nice bar. It has a window to some exploding stars. "Huh. I'm... pretty sure that's magic of some kind," notes Leo.
"So am I, dipshit, we're both wizards."
"Just making conversation."
He takes in another puff. "And we're one of the clubs that gets to commit sanctioned violence. Which is fun."
"Okay sanctioned violence is fun," Damara says, looking slightly disappointed that Xan was unphased by the smoke. "Okay I will be on your team for as long as I decide its worth it." She takes another puff, this time blowing at Leo. She is going to get someone to couch dammit.
He concentrates for a moment and mutters a few words in Latin. His mouth is now covered with a mesh of woven shadows. He pushes his pipe through with no resistance and takes a puff, looking at Damara challengingly.
Xan considers the shadowy mask and sends a puff of red smoke curling at it. The shadows curl away at its touch.
Leo coughs some more. "Goddammit, Xan, I know where you sleep!"
"Is that not where you also sleep?"
"He's threatening to put fire ants in my bed again," Xan clarifies. "Because it worked so well the first time."
Damara laughs, this is better then her animes. "There is lots of money you two aren't making by not filming a porno reality show out of your dorm."
"I've tried to convince him, but he never lets me film it."
"You know that thing where we're legally minors? That didn't stop being a thing, or anything."
"Those rules are bullshit, just be an anime 19 year old. All you have to do is have big boobs, dress like a middle schooler, and actually be like 12."
"There's an idea. I could commission porn of us! With life modeling, maybe? Damara, can you draw hentai?"
"I veto any idea that involves us playing out your weird exhibitionist fantasies. Pervert."
"I can actually draw okay hentai, I might have to be creative with your hands. Just send me reference photos and I will make it work. Lots and lots of photos."
"Veto. Veto. As in not a fucking chance. Draw them from your twisted fantasies, devil-woman."
We'll talk, Xan mouths.
"Don't worry, I will do plenty of that." She smiles at Xan. "So whats contracted violence like, who do I get to kill and how much fun can I have?"
"Sanctioned, not contracted. Contracted is a different org, they're unsanctioned and they're a bunch of pretentious assholes. But we get to beat the shit out of anybody who's disturbing the peace, and we murder each other in the combat sims a lot. And sim murder is fun. No holds barred free-for-all, capture the flag with murder, dark Phoenix scenarios... It's a berserker's wet dream."
"There is no part of what you just said that I don't want into. I need more practice killing." She stands up and walks to the end of the tree house. "There is one last thing I want to test before I say yes, Catch me motherfucker!" And then Damara jumps out of the tree house as part of the worlds most absurd trust fall.
"Very," she says with a smile, managing to land perfectly on her feet. There are perks to being able to slow down her own personal time stream so that she has more time to figure out how to land. "Okay I'm on your team then."
"I'm sure Harry will be thrilled that you took it upon yourself to recruit an interdimensional refugee hunted by the Wizard Cops for apparent mass murder."
"Ah, yes, the discerning tastes of the man who allowed me into his vigilante organization. How could I have forgotten his refusal to accept the other members of our team who have murdered people, such as all of them except Sky."