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Here is a demon. The demon is in his swimming pool.
He doesn't swim naked, so he takes the summon anyway.
demon cam vs the clam planet
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from_scratch
A bunch of ships flash FILTH FILTH FILTH at him. There is further panic.
And then...
They do not appear to have accepted their inability to kill him.
Cam, this planet, and rather a large number of ships that couldn't get away in time are all sucked into a black hole.
And then...
They do not appear to have accepted their inability to kill him.
Cam, this planet, and rather a large number of ships that couldn't get away in time are all sucked into a black hole.
from_scratch
Fucking fuck, these fucking aliens!
He can't even save them -
He's just sort of hanging out here on this black hole, feeling like he had way too many cheeseburgers and deprived of his non-indestructible pants, what a day.
Ugh.
He does, however, know a way out of this. He has it prepared in advance.
He surrounds the orbital of the black hole where he's stopped with toenail.
And then he rises up from it on a pedestal of the same.
He can't even save them -
He's just sort of hanging out here on this black hole, feeling like he had way too many cheeseburgers and deprived of his non-indestructible pants, what a day.
Ugh.
He does, however, know a way out of this. He has it prepared in advance.
He surrounds the orbital of the black hole where he's stopped with toenail.
And then he rises up from it on a pedestal of the same.
This works. Now he is free. What will he do with his freedom?
from_scratch
Cut his toenails.
Re-acquire pants.
Take pictures of the black hole once the pedestal has crumpled into it.
And make drones aimed at every alien-inhabited planet in the galaxy with FTL engines and a picture of the black hole and a message.
Re-acquire pants.
Take pictures of the black hole once the pedestal has crumpled into it.
And make drones aimed at every alien-inhabited planet in the galaxy with FTL engines and a picture of the black hole and a message.
This alarms the hell out of the aliens, probably. They have FTL communicators but no one is aiming their FTL communicators at him.
from_scratch
Yeah, of course they're not.
He gives them a little while to talk to each other and confirms that he can find them, yes, all of them, and that the black hole trick won't fucking work. And then he picks one and flies to it.
He gives them a little while to talk to each other and confirms that he can find them, yes, all of them, and that the black hole trick won't fucking work. And then he picks one and flies to it.
This particular planet appears to have had an outbreak of civil war in the last few hours. Lots of aliens are shooting at each other.
from_scratch
That's interesting. What can Cam determine about who the sides are and which one should suddenly have various problems with all of its everything?
There is general agreement that the end of the world has come and nothing will ever be the same again. Factions include:
(1) The end of the world means we should all kill ourselves. You first.
(2) The end of the world means we are no longer governed by moral law, so we can do whatever we want...
(2a) ...and I want to go out in a blaze of hedonistic glory.
(2b) ...and I want to have one last [walk in the park/meal with my family/rollercoaster ride/favourite dessert].
(2c) ...and I can't think of anything I want so I'm going to protect the harmless pleasure-seekers from the kill-everyone faction.
(2d) ...and I want to blow stuff up.
(2e) [etc.]
(3) The end of the world is no excuse to give up on moral law, so we should do our best to destroy the all-powerful filth creature even though our efforts are totally futile. Does anyone know how that other planet created its black hole? No?
(4) If everyone would stop trying to kill each other maybe we could figure out something remotely useful to do about the end of the world.
(5) PANIC!
(1) The end of the world means we should all kill ourselves. You first.
(2) The end of the world means we are no longer governed by moral law, so we can do whatever we want...
(2a) ...and I want to go out in a blaze of hedonistic glory.
(2b) ...and I want to have one last [walk in the park/meal with my family/rollercoaster ride/favourite dessert].
(2c) ...and I can't think of anything I want so I'm going to protect the harmless pleasure-seekers from the kill-everyone faction.
(2d) ...and I want to blow stuff up.
(2e) [etc.]
(3) The end of the world is no excuse to give up on moral law, so we should do our best to destroy the all-powerful filth creature even though our efforts are totally futile. Does anyone know how that other planet created its black hole? No?
(4) If everyone would stop trying to kill each other maybe we could figure out something remotely useful to do about the end of the world.
(5) PANIC!
from_scratch
Cam does not know anything about their metabolisms or he could try overflying the biggest cities and sending them to sleep. At least they don't know how to fucking set off the fucking black fucking HOLE. ARGH.
Hm.
Is anyone particularly sane-looking and useful, based on the communications available to eavesdrop on? Possibly so sane that he could send them a little autopiloted ship and bring them up and have a goddamn conversation?
Hm.
Is anyone particularly sane-looking and useful, based on the communications available to eavesdrop on? Possibly so sane that he could send them a little autopiloted ship and bring them up and have a goddamn conversation?
Well, there's a few people from faction (4) who seem to be discussing what the all-powerful world-destroying filth creature might want, whether it would be useful to know, and how they might find that out...
from_scratch
Lovely. Cam would like to be involved in that discussion. He finds out where they are and drops a comm on them.
"Hello."
"Hello."
There is a little bit of screaming.
But one alien has the presence of mind to ask: "...Are you the all-powerful world-destroying filth creature?"
But one alien has the presence of mind to ask: "...Are you the all-powerful world-destroying filth creature?"
"...What do you want?"
from_scratch
"I don't want anyone to die. I am really annoyed that you people keep killing yourselves and each other instead of finding out if there is another way to make me leave you alone. However, in addition to not wanting you to die, I don't want the people who live in the weird physics place to die. They're called 'humans'. I want to be sure that you are all done attacking them."
"Oh, I wish I'd gone into filth studies like I planned to when I was younger," the alien complains. "Do you mean that you don't think of us as inherently disgusting and wrong?"
from_scratch
"That's right! I don't! The extremely small number of you I have managed to exchange actual words with seem very personable! This is a you thing that other species do not have."
"Don't you see," this alien says to the others in their little group, "this means filth creatures can cooperate with each other!"
There is a general chorus of "What?" "How?"
"This filth creature almost seems like it wants to cooperate with us," says another alien.
"If we can't even manage to cooperate with other people I don't see how we can expect to get along with a filth creature," says a third.
"Well, which is better: a world with both people and filth creatures, or a world with only filth creatures? Because I think those are our choices," says the first alien.
"An impure life is no life at all..." says the second alien, slowly.
"Come on, if you believed that you'd be out there rioting with the rest of them."
There is a general chorus of "What?" "How?"
"This filth creature almost seems like it wants to cooperate with us," says another alien.
"If we can't even manage to cooperate with other people I don't see how we can expect to get along with a filth creature," says a third.
"Well, which is better: a world with both people and filth creatures, or a world with only filth creatures? Because I think those are our choices," says the first alien.
"An impure life is no life at all..." says the second alien, slowly.
"Come on, if you believed that you'd be out there rioting with the rest of them."
from_scratch
"That phrase you use for describing people not of your species is really kind of impolite," Cam remarks.
"What?" says someone.
"Filth creatures are people to themselves and other filth creatures!" says the first alien.
"This isn't the time for your bizarre hypotheticals!"
"It's not hypothetical when the world is ending over it!"
"Filth creatures are people to themselves and other filth creatures!" says the first alien.
"This isn't the time for your bizarre hypotheticals!"
"It's not hypothetical when the world is ending over it!"
from_scratch
"I mean, you don't have to learn new words today, this is not nearly as important as the civil war or the identical civil wars probably going on on all your other planets, but it's really hard not to comment on. Do you have any clever ideas for how an indestructible individual with a matter-creation power could get everyone to stop fighting and ideally not commit mass suicide either?"
"If we knew how to get people to stop having civil wars we'd be doing that instead of arguing about it!" says the third alien.
from_scratch
"Well, you don't have matter creation powers and aren't indestructible," says Cam. "I've considered just causing all the purity police to grow wings, but I doubt this would actually contain the damage..."
This proposal gets distressed noises from all the aliens.