"It's because of all the deaths. At least partially. I also think someone might have encouraged their proliferation for aesthetic reasons, but I haven't come across any hard evidence to support the theory."

Cam snorts. "Grand. Can vampires starve to death?" he wonders.

"Starve to severe discomfort, certainly. To actual death, I'm not so sure."

"So I'm not doing the population any disfavors if I set up a dispensary before I go. It'd have to be preserved blood to last without regular top-up, I guess... do you want to sample state-of-the-art science-fiction blood substitute and see if that's any good?"

"Why not," he says, shrugging.

Cam makes him a little shotglass full of something a little too rust-colored to be real blood.

"Not awful," is his conclusion. "A little odd. My prediction that your dispensary will be unpopular stands, but I'd drink this stuff before I'd steal from butchers or subject myself to the tedium of hunting."

"I mean, it's sounding like to control my schedule of return I have to keep you occupied? So I can make you actual blood, too, I wanted to try that because it'd keep. If it's not going to make a dent in the need for graveyards I can concentrate on other interventions that don't necessarily have anything to do with vampires, like the bees thing."

"Actual blood is preferable. If you want to drastically lower the incidence of vampire-related deaths, which would certainly take a chunk out of human mortality rates in general, you're probably better off aiming at the reproductive process or just killing a lot of them outright. Convincing your average vampire to stop eating people is a doomed effort."

"What's the reproductive process like?"

"The vampire drinks the human's blood and, usually not consensually, induces the human to drink their blood in return. The human dies; their body undergoes a period of extremely corpselike dormancy ranging in length from a few hours to a few days, and then rises as an only moderately corpselike vampire. Opinions vary on whether or not the resulting vampire and the original human are the same person, but there are noticeable personality changes in every case."

"Okay. I'm - iffy, let's go with iffy, on killing vampires, since you appear to be a person and stuff, but I don't think I have a problem with aborting them; tips?"

"Heavily promote cremation over burial," he suggests. "I don't believe there's an existing tradition anywhere of burying people with their heads cut off or wooden stakes through their hearts, but that would work too."

"I can stake people in the grave, but if I have to personally handle it that's not efficient at all and I probably can't cover everything. I wonder if the CDC - you still have the CDC in 2008, right? - could make a dent if I told them."

"That is likely to be a deeply hilarious conversation."

"Yes, probably. Hello, CDC, I am a demon from another dimension, please listen to what I have to say about controlling the spread of vampires. Maybe I should just ignore vampires for the time being until I have more of a track record to point at. Mysterious ozone healing, mysterious bee recovery, then hello CDC would you like a century and a half of medical science by the way vampires."

Sherlock laughs. "Aren't you just delightful."

"I try. Does your crypt have Internet?"

"Alas, no."

"Okay, I'll have to figure out something else there, making stuff doesn't get me subscription access to an existing network. Are you the kind of vampire that is, shall we say, not a morning person?"

"In the sense that I catch fire in direct sunlight, yes I am."

"Okay. What time is it? And for that matter exact date?"

"Two in the morning, probably August. I haven't checked a calendar in a while."

"Okay, I'll... hold off on making myself a wristwatch till I have that, I suppose. Do you sleep?"

"Yes."