"No duckling-ing, no. And it's not hard to send me back, but I guess the upper bound on how long I'd be here if you didn't care to put yourself out even that far is just the end of your lifespan."

"Potentially infinite," he says. "Not practically infinite, mind you; even if I somehow found a way to keep myself comfortable and entertained until the sun exploded, I'm unlikely to safely join an expedition to another solar system before then."

"You look like a human, what'm I missing?"

"Well, isn't that cosmetically unfortunate? Anyway, you aren't dead enough to send me home to Hell. Aaaand I think you have managed to pull me to an alternate universe, rather than strictly back in time."

"Was that not obvious to begin with?"

"It seemed likely, but it just got a lot likelier."

"I suppose you don't have vampires where you're from?"

"Nope."

"Curious. What sorts of demon do you have, then?"

"Just the one," says Cam, waving a hand. "And one kind of angel and one kind of fairy."

"Well," he says, "fascinating as this conversation is, this is not the place to continue it. How would you like to come back to my crypt?"

"You have your very own crypt, huh? Snazzy. Sure, why not. Had I better hide the wings under a coat?"

"It's Sunnydale. Don't bother. Anyone who knows about magic and so forth will deduce that they probably oughtn't fuck with you and anyone who doesn't will assume it's a trick of the light or an extremely lifelike costume piece."

"Should 'Sunnydale' hold some meaning for me?" inquires Cam.

"Sunnydale, California. Home of one Hellmouth, the highest number of graveyards per capita in the country, and an absolutely astonishing mortality rate that somehow continues to be blamed on gang activity and misuse of barbecue forks." He turns to exit the room, idly taking a swig from the jug of blood as he goes.

"Stole it from the butcher's. Much simpler that way. And at least I've rescued it from the fate of being made into shitty cocktails at the exquisitely named Willy's Bar."

"Are you habitually a non-person-biting vampire, then?"

He shrugs. "What's it to you?"

"Well, if you bite people my next question is whether this is typically fatal and, if the answer is no, whether they're on board with the donation."

"Typically fatal, yes, on board with the donation, not frequently," he says. "Although there's always the odd ones out."

"Okay. Well, I can make you arbitrary humane blood."

"That sounds convenient!"

"Doesn't it just. Are there many vampires? Should I open a dispensary?"