Oct 22, 2021 4:53 AM
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What in the fuck is that sound?

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That sound is: a fucking Qunari!

Well, maybe. He's big, and he's kind of greyish, but he's not quite big or grey enough to look fully Qunari, and he is definitely not in traditional Qunari garb (because he is not wearing garb). At any rate, he begins gleefully laying into the Darkspawn, still yodelling his merry death yodel. Some are crushed by his fists or feet; some are swallowed whole by the earth itself. One particular unfortunate is gored by the Qunari's gaudily decorated horns. He seems to be enjoying himself terribly.
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Well, shit. There are still people in this world who are taller than Tev. How about that.

He knows there are more important things to focus on here, but he has to take a moment to appreciate this one while he heaves his sword into the air yet again and drops the blade edge-down on a darkspawn's head. (Tev is adaptable.)
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The qunari notes Tev's inefficient combat style and the hex-rune burning on his forehead, along with Jahenna's highly uncomfortable thrashing.

In a pause between skull-crushing, he gestures in such a way as to produce a ring of blue fire that expands from him and consumes both effects. Then he returns to his current activity, which is beating several of the darkspawn with other darkspawn.
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(Jahenna quickly downs a glowing red potion and converts herself into a whirlwind of gratuitously excessive death.)

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Oh good. He has his coordination back. Time to kill things.

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Between the three of them, it is an extremely short fight.

Afterwards, the blood-spattered Qunari turns to his battle companions. "Hello! Who are you? We don't get many visitors, in the Wilds. Nice swords."

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"I'm Tev," says Tev. "You live out here?"

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"Yep. It's nice here! I mean, when it's not full of darkspawn. Then it's not nice, though it's a hell of a lot more fun. What brings you here?"

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"Darkspawn, actually."

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"Ah! Are you those Grey Wardens I've heard of? I had been wondering. I mean, Blight and all, we'd expected you a bit sooner... Anyway, what specifically about the darkspawn? Are the two of you going to kill every hurlock in the Wilds? Because somehow I doubt it."

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(Jahenna declines to comment. Jahenna has been declining to comment for a while. She is looking pensively at this Qunari apostate gentleman and thinking very hard about certain things.)

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"That would be kind of difficult, wouldn't it. Who's 'we'?"

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"Me and my mother. We live here, so as to hide from unpleasant people who would really like it if we were dead. But she mentioned to me that I might have to help some people near the outskirts, and not to be cagey with them, which is good, because I'm shit at lying. Also, she said I should bring them to meet her. But she said there would be three of you, so I'm a little bit confused."

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"Does she usually predict who you're going to meet better than that?"

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"She could've told me what you had for breakfast, usually. So it's kind of odd, y-"

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Abruptly, an elf appears! (Also a bedraggled-looking human in a battered flower crown. He is carrying her things.)

"It's been fucking forever, what is keeping you people? Did you- hello. That is some distraction."

She addresses this entirely to the naked Qunari. It is unclear if she has noticed the darkspawn corpses littering the copse. (Morty has noticed the corpses. He looks distinctly queasy.)

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"Hello," says Tev.

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"Sorry about not helping with, uh, whatever the hell happened here. We got bored and went flower-picking after like two minutes."

"She got bored and went flower-picking," clarifies Morty. "I came along because she threatened me."

"And you got a flower crown out of it! See what being a good helper gets you?"

Morty elects to remain silent.

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"Do you have any spares?"

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"No."
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"Pity."

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"Yes," says Tev. "What a pity that you can't have your very own flower crown."

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"It is! Mother hardly ever makes them for me anymore, and the houndflowers are too small for me to properly braid. Anyway, there's three of you now, so... I'm no longer confused. Would you like to come back to our home?"

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"I wouldn't mind," says Tev. "But I'm not in charge of this expedition."

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