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Jahenna is polishing her armor by the entrance to camp. Fuck armor. Fuck armor, so much, forever, fucking armor, bullshit.
She's deputized Zann to make the Reverend Mother as uncomfortable as humanly possible, a task to which she has taken like, well, like an elven maleficar to fucking with the Chantry. This leaves Jahenna with free time to spend on reading, battle drills, and- oh for fuck's sake.
"My liege," nods Jahenna. "To what do I owe the honor?"
"Just checking in. How goes it?"
"Just polishing my armor, sire."
"Excellent!" Cailan sits on a tree stump and starts- talking at her.
"Maker's breath, look who it is, my goodness, it's Duncan and some new recruit, I simply must go meet them so sorry to cut you off." Jahenna takes off at top speed, leaving Cailan in a cloud of thinning dust.
"Duncan. Maker, Andraste and all her fucking cousins be praised. His Majesty is trying to talk to me. He- Andraste's lacy underwear, he followed me. If you need me I'll be hiding in a river." She takes off again.
"Good day, Duncan!" hails Cailan. "I see you've a new recruit to your number! How goes it, friend?"
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a-sword-just-for-you
A sharp-faced woman in a Chantry robe storms over. "Duncan! I want this girl pilloried! Look what she's done to my chapel! You Wardens are here on sufferance, and I will take this as high as it needs to go before she is punished!"
Duncan looks somber. "What evidence do you have of Sazann's involvement in this?"
"What? She's a bloody mage, she lit it on fire! I saw her set it on fire!"
"Did anyone else see this? Because I have two witnesses here, one an expert, who claim that the fire was caused by the will of the Maker. Are you, a woman of the cloth, prepared to challenge the Maker's will?"
"I don't have to challenge the fucking Maker, I-"
"Please!" Duncan cries out, covering his ears. "There are ladies present. Do make an effort not to blaspheme."
Duncan looks somber. "What evidence do you have of Sazann's involvement in this?"
"What? She's a bloody mage, she lit it on fire! I saw her set it on fire!"
"Did anyone else see this? Because I have two witnesses here, one an expert, who claim that the fire was caused by the will of the Maker. Are you, a woman of the cloth, prepared to challenge the Maker's will?"
"I don't have to challenge the fucking Maker, I-"
"Please!" Duncan cries out, covering his ears. "There are ladies present. Do make an effort not to blaspheme."
moreperfect
Tev attempts to look pious and vaguely unsettled. He succeeds at the vaguely unsettled part.
suffer-not
"I- rrrragh!" The Mother shrieks in frustration. "I'll have Loghain himself set on your tail, I swear it!"
"Good luck," says Duncan seriously. "I am sure he will treat this with the concern it deserves."
She storms off.
Duncan sighs. "Please make an effort not to set anything else on fire. If nothing else, the entire camp is made of wood, it could spread from... more to less acceptable targets."
"Please. Do you really think a fire I started would dare spread past where I put it? Hypothetically, of course."
"Of course."
"Good luck," says Duncan seriously. "I am sure he will treat this with the concern it deserves."
She storms off.
Duncan sighs. "Please make an effort not to set anything else on fire. If nothing else, the entire camp is made of wood, it could spread from... more to less acceptable targets."
"Please. Do you really think a fire I started would dare spread past where I put it? Hypothetically, of course."
"Of course."
moreperfect
"Hypothetically," says Tev, "the Revered Mother looked about ready to hit you over the head and dump you off the walls, which would probably make it harder to control your hypothetical fire."
a-sword-just-for-you
"Fun and vague death threats aside, we should probably get down to business, yeah?"
Duncan nods. "Indeed. There is a ritual you must undergo to pass from recruits into fully fledged Wardens. You'll need-"
An unathletic-looking elven boy runs up to them, wheezing. "Am I- am I late? For the Wardens thing?"
"Ah. Yes, no, you're fine. I... apologize, I somewhat forgot that you existed. This is Mortan, who I recruited from the servants in Highever castle. He should join you, yes. As I was saying, you'll need to venture into the Korcari Wilds and kill tw- three darkspawn, and bring me back one vial of blood each. In the Wilds you'll find a ruined tower, once a Warden stronghold, which will contain extremely important documents. You are to retrieve them, and the blood, and return here; then, I will tell you what to do next. Jahenna will accompany you into the Wilds. Any questions?"
"Why the fuck am I on babysitting duty?" Jahenna inquires.
"Because I outrank you. Further questions?"
Duncan nods. "Indeed. There is a ritual you must undergo to pass from recruits into fully fledged Wardens. You'll need-"
An unathletic-looking elven boy runs up to them, wheezing. "Am I- am I late? For the Wardens thing?"
"Ah. Yes, no, you're fine. I... apologize, I somewhat forgot that you existed. This is Mortan, who I recruited from the servants in Highever castle. He should join you, yes. As I was saying, you'll need to venture into the Korcari Wilds and kill tw- three darkspawn, and bring me back one vial of blood each. In the Wilds you'll find a ruined tower, once a Warden stronghold, which will contain extremely important documents. You are to retrieve them, and the blood, and return here; then, I will tell you what to do next. Jahenna will accompany you into the Wilds. Any questions?"
"Why the fuck am I on babysitting duty?" Jahenna inquires.
"Because I outrank you. Further questions?"
moreperfect
"Is there a good reason we can't take multiple vials of blood from one darkspawn?" wonders Tev. This seems like a reasonable question to him.
a-sword-just-for-you
"Excellent question," nods Jahenna. "Yes. Don't do that. Any further questions?"
suffer-not
"There are things about the objective of this quest you are not yet allowed to know, is what Jahenna means to say," Duncan says, rolling his eyes. "Rest assured that there will be no shortage of darkspawn."
"Ooh. It's a party! Don't worry Tev, I'll leave some for you. If only because I don't think you could get blood out of mine after I'm done with them."
"Ooh. It's a party! Don't worry Tev, I'll leave some for you. If only because I don't think you could get blood out of mine after I'm done with them."
a-sword-just-for-you
Duncan sighs. "Then I request that you respect the traditions that our order has upheld since the First Blight, and that every Grey Warden before you has followed."
...Jahenna mouths Later. It appears that she may disagree with Duncan's judgment on this!
...Jahenna mouths Later. It appears that she may disagree with Duncan's judgment on this!
a-sword-just-for-you
"Then if there are no further questions, you may go off on your journey. I would like to see this done by tonight; I doubt the darkspawn will wait much longer."
"Come along, children," says Jahenna. "Auntie J is going to take you out hunting, won't it be fun."
"Come along, children," says Jahenna. "Auntie J is going to take you out hunting, won't it be fun."
a-sword-just-for-you
They are led out into the Wilds and-
immediately attacked by wolves.
immediately attacked by wolves.
a-sword-just-for-you
"Thank you, Zann. Could I talk to Tev alone for a moment?"
Not waiting for an answer, she drags him behind a convenient tree.
Not waiting for an answer, she drags him behind a convenient tree.
a-sword-just-for-you
"The Joining is where you use the blood you've collected to essentially turn yourself into a little bit of a Darkspawn. It's got a few side effects, but none that are particularly prohibitive apart from a somewhat shortened lifespan, and it's the only way to end a Blight. And there's a death rate, but out of the three of you only Morty is at all likely to incur it, because you're a brick fucking house and Zann's a blood mage."
moreperfect
"...Is there a good reason why Duncan doesn't want us knowing all that?"
a-sword-just-for-you
"For whatever reason, the recruitment rate goes down when you tell people they're turning themselves into monsters and they're a certain amount likely to die in the process. Fancy that."