I thank the author of the recent pamphlet THE ANARCHIC VICES OF CAYDEN CAILEAN for informing me of this DIRE PROBLEM. But I fear the author is INSUFFICIENTLY COMMITTED to ensuring the prudence of the GENERAL POPULACE, for it is clear to me that their proposals are INADEQUATE to address the SCOURGE of DRUNKENNESS. Save for the matter of TEMPERING WATER WITH WINE, I see little reason that alcohol ought be consumed at all. Forbidding the worship of DRUNKARD GODS will only stop the most SHAMELESS EXCESSES of drunkenness, and do little to address the ORDINARY DAMAGES of such behavior.

It's not going to fly with the Virtuous Churches committee probably, but Lluïsa privately agrees with every word (and yes, you wouldn't entreat Asmodeus for aid on a Contract, that's Mephistopheles' domain — not that He gives aid. (The devoutest Asmodean, she never was; Mephistopheles is obviously holding the whip hand with some deeply intricate and subtle contract term, even if He'll never exercise it. It seems fair to assume that Mephistopheles is better than devils at draftsmanship in the same way devils are better than her at it.))

Well, not every word, e.g. she's enough in the loop to know Cansellarion isn't King of Lastwall. Iomedae's formally Queen, she thinks? It would be nice to actually have their laws and know these things.

Simplicio. Some men are drunkards, therefore no one should drink alcohol.

Iomedaeus. It is true that some men drink to excess, and perhaps those men ought be forbidden from such behavior. Yet there are many ordinary men who indulge in the pleasure of alcohol, restraining themselves from drunkenness and meaning it only as a source of joy and friendship. There are many good things which become wicked in excess, and we no more ought ban alcohol to prevent drunkenness than ban dueling to prevent senseless murders.

Simplicio. But how can you prevent foolish men from drunkenness without forbidding all men from drink?

Iomedaeus. Foolish Simplicio, do you think our Queen so incompetent that she may only choose from among two laws, one which forbids alcohol entirely and one which proclaims no restriction whatsoever on drink? She may instead pass edicts forbidding drunkenness, condemning anarchic behavior, or outlawing such vices as gambling and drunken brawls which serve no useful purpose to anyone. 

Simplicio. But why go to such lengths to protect those who wish to drink alcohol? There's no harm in just banning it.

Iomedaeus. We stand in the wreckage of a broken country, where the bonds that ought bind one man to another have been rent asunder by the works of Asmodeus. Our people cry out in agony at the burdens they have been forced to bear, and there are few men in Westcrown who can truly call themselves happy. Yet you seek now to return us to the chains of bondage, locking away even the smallest source of happiness? To deny such an ordinary pleasure as drink is Asmodean, and no good citizen ought tolerate such behavior.

Simplicio. I understand now how foolish I was to seek to ban all drink, and I thank you for your wise counsel.

Those many pamphleteers who have lately written on the topic of drunkenness have regrettably failed to consider that greatest of distinctions, which leads some men to foolishness and others to restraint. I speak, of course, of the matter of sex. For there are a great many men who by drunkenness are driven to gamble the fortunes of their family, to engage in quarrels or brawls, to beat their wives without just provocation, to engage in the worst vices of Cayden. Yet by contrast such vices are rare among women, perhaps owiing to greater prudence on the part of that sex. To forbid all women drink merely because of the foolish recklessness of men would be absurd, when one could forbid it merely of men and accomplish just as much.