Understanding Reincarnation Services

Accept our Terms of Service
Our Terms of Service have recently changed! Please read and agree to the Terms of Service and the Privacy Policy

Understanding Reincarnation Services

by Naima Cotonnet

The Basics

In addition to regeneration and disease alleviation (tapping) services, Naima Cotonnet now offers reincarnation services. Reincarnation is a more powerful and expensive service than the others, but is also extremely dangerous. It is very important that you understand what a reincarnation is before buying one. Reincarnation is not reversible.

Reincarnation involves killing your existing body and transforming it into a new one. Your soul immediately inhabits this new body without entering an afterlife. (You will appear dead for a few seconds; this is normal.) This new body is always a young adult, meaning that elderly people can use reincarnation to extend their lives. The new body is usually not the same race. It is usually - but not always! - a humanoid, at least if you were a humanoid when you started.

Reincarnation randomizes sex. Regardless of whether you began as a man or a woman, your new body is equally likely to be either. You may want to try flipping a coin several times to get a sense of how likely you are to end up as your preferred sex.

You almost definitely will not end up as your preferred race. The most common races for humans to end up as are human, halfling, dwarf, elf, orc, and gnome; possible mixes of these races are also common. Distressingly common outcomes that you should be prepared for include goblin, hobgoblin, troglodyte, bugbear, gnoll, kobold, drow, and teifling. I strongly recommend talking to your friends and family about how you will handle an undesired outcome. Almost any outcome is possible. I've only turned one person into a flail snail so far, but I can't promise that you won't be the next one. Outcomes for non-humanoids and monstrous humanoids are unpredictable, so it is possible to get several otherwise unlikely bad results in a row.

You cannot naively buy reincarnates until you get a result you are happy with. Repeated reincarnation is possible, but it weakens the body. If you are elderly, you will almost always feel stronger following a reincarnate, because your new body will be younger. However, repeated reincarnation will tend to leave each successive body weaker than the last. This effect can be cured with a restoration spell. Restoration spells are affordable for most people of wealth and means, but buying one will be at least ten times more expensive than the reincarnate itself (unless prices have wildly changed since this writing). If you were particularly powerful before, the weakening effect will be more pronounced, and the restoration you need will be more expensive. The weakening effects of reincarnation cannot be fixed by tapping.

If you are elderly and only have enough money for one reincarnate anyway, you shouldn't worry about the weakening effect. Just don't get six in a row and then come crying to me about how you can't lift your arms anymore.

Practical Logistics

Because reincarnation is dangerous and irreversible, you cannot show up within a one-hour tapping window and expect to receive a reincarnation that day. You should aim to show up around six to twelve hours before reincarnations will be available. Staff will have a short conversation with you to determine whether you understand what reincarnation does and that the process is irreversible. You will be given a special item to visually mark you as someone awaiting a reincarnation, generally a brightly colored hat or vest. As with other tapping services, it is very important that you listen to staff instructions and continue moving through the line in an orderly fashion as soon as you are able. Customers who are unable or unwilling to move may be forcibly removed by staff. You will not be in trouble as long as you do not violently resist being moved. We understand that reincarnation can be a traumatic experience. You may be asked a few questions about your experience afterwards.

Questions you may have (READ ALL OF THESE):

Who should consider reincarnation services?

The people who benefit most from reincarnation are elderly people who do not wish to die. At the end of the day, the biggest reason to get a reincarnate is if you lived a long life, know that you messed it up in some way, and would like more time to get it right. The second biggest reason is if you lived a long life and feel like you mostly did get it right, but want to continue living and providing for your family members for many more years anyway.

If you have sold your soul to Hell, reincarnation is generally a safe way to delay death, although it is possible that this does not apply to some contracts. Petrification and final blades are more reliable, but reincarnation allows you to continue living for a time.

Reincarnation is the only known effective treatment for cancer at this time. It is also useful for treating deformities that have plagued you since birth, while regeneration is sometimes ineffective. You should probably try a regeneration effect first and see if it works.

If you are not elderly and do not have an otherwise incurable medical condition, you should think very carefully about whether having a new body that is not your own will actually solve your problem, or just give you a lot of new problems.

Is reincarnation reversible?

REINCARNATION IS NOT REVERSIBLE. IF SOMEONE TOLD YOU THERE IS A WAY TO GET YOUR OLD BODY BACK, SHORT OF A WISH, THEY ARE LYING.

Is reincarnation safe for pregnant women?

No. Reincarnation will always result in the death of your unborn child, even in the 50% of cases where a female customer remains female.

Do not use reincarnation as an abortion service. I will know. You will be in trouble. If you somehow succeed, you will regret it, because reincarnation is a terrible way to achieve an abortion, and you will almost certainly be unhappy with the side effects.

What if I get a reincarnate and am very unhappy? Can I have a new one?

Not unless you pay for it.

If you got a loan from the Church of Abadar for your reincarnate, there are some EXTREMELY LIMITED circumstances under which the church will pay for you to have a second reincarnate, to ensure that you are able to pay off your loan. This WILL NOT happen if you are merely unhappy with your form. It may happen if you are, for example, turned into a mermaid and unable to work on land. Please go over the text of any loan contracts carefully before agreeing to them. I do not offer loans and will not be able to help you.

Not even if you turn me into a flail snail?

In practice, I will probably feel bad if you don't have the right number of limbs after. If you get a really, really, really bad outcome, talk to the staff on site and they can petition for you to receive a free second attempt the next time I am in town. I make no promises, but you will not actually get in any trouble for asking. If you cease to have a mouth, staff will proactively work to establish communications with you. These outcomes are rare.

Turning into a teifling or a goblin is not a really really really bad outcome. Be prepared to deal with it.

Are there mental effects? Will I still be me?

People have reported wildly different amounts of mental effects from their new form. Some people report feeling exactly the same apart from the physical changes. Other people claim that different forms do come with a change to their outlook, emotions, or mental abilities. At this time, evidence is uncertain.

Will I keep my memories?

Mostly. Reports of mild memory loss are common. It's not clear to me whether this is because many customers are elderly, and their memories were already poor. You will remember who you are and your relationships with people who are important to you. You will keep your skills, although it's normal for difficult motor skills to be disrupted and need to be retrained.

Will I know how to move my new body?

Awkwardness and clumsiness in your new body is normal, and usually goes away gradually after a period of weeks or months. Deep emotional discomfort with your new form may or may not go away with time.

Can I use reincarnation to abandon my old life and all of my responsibilities?

Anyone who wants to find you badly enough will still be able to scry you, regardless of if you've been reincarnated. If you made a bad decision, Pharasma will know what you did. You are not going to confuse Her by pretending you have always been a goblin. The rest is between you and your specific responsibilities.

Some people do get reincarnates because they are deeply unhappy with their current lives and want to start over. Whether this is a bad idea depends less on how unhappy you are with your current life, and more on what exactly is making you unhappy. I believe that getting a reincarnate because you dislike your life circumstances is usually a bad idea, especially if you have not considered the decision soberly over a period of several weeks. I have received a lot of complaints about this from people who regretted reincarnating, and only realized afterward that their real problems had nothing to do with what they looked like. However, I have also spoken to former slaves or criminals who were happy with the chance to shed their old identity.

If you don't want to shed your old identity, I recommend bringing a witness and getting some documentation of the process, just to be safe. Some people have later had difficulty proving that they are who they say they are.

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. I will not prevent you from making bad reincarnation decisions. I am not your mother.

He's not sure of the value of most of the pamphlets, but this one looks of higher quality both in content and form. He mostly skims it... wait, the Archmage Cotonnet? Or rather his wife, who is also an Archmage and healer (does she prefer first name to avoid confusion with her husband?). Still it doesn't seem useful to him, until he gets to the last question "Can I use reincarnation to abandon my old life and all of my responsibilities?" He takes it to the room he is renting before reading it further. Is this a test? Or even real? It explains the comments about monsters ruling as nobles he had pretended to understand but apparently completely misunderstood. (It sounded like clever metaphor for nobles from the old regime).

He considers the counterpoints listed one by one.

Anyone who wants to find you badly enough will still be able to scry you

He thinks the wizard schools might be able to afford this one... but probably not a teleport to him (with at least a middling adventure to ensure they can capture him), and a teleport back.

and more on what exactly is making you unhappy.

He's mostly happy being a wizard and unhappy being in perpetual unending debt. Sounds like it fixes this? Oh shit, does it mess with his wizardy, he should reread the other parts.

and only realized afterward that their real problems had nothing to do with what they looked like

His first problem is his debt, his second problem is that he's going to be the least sort of devil (or maybe even a paving stone) for eternity with torture and punishments heaped on from above. This solves the first problem, and maybe buys a bit of time for his second? 31 more years isn't nothing. No wait, it would be an already grown form, so 10 years? No, it's another species with a different allotment of years. Humans are the normal ones so average 10 years more? Actually, thinking it over, drow, elves, half elves, tieflings and lots of others all live longer. (Do dwarves live longer?) Anyway, maybe longer just off species change. He should read up on other species or something.

considered the decision soberly over a period of several weeks

I recommend bringing a witness and getting some documentation of the process

Well that would add a tie to his old identity and defeat the entire point. But he would need to tie his old identity and new one to attend the convention. So at the earliest he won't do it until after the convention and that will mean several weeks minimum to consider.

I am not your mother.

Yeah his mother is a coward that would think herself too sensible to try an idea like this.

He turns his attention to the earlier parts, he needs to consider everything if he is going to do this.

However, repeated reincarnation will tend to leave each successive body weaker than the last. This effect can be cured with a restoration spell.

Shit that's expensive. The reincarnate itself is easily within budget, but a restoration would take everything he has, plus some careful saving of the convention stipend, and it needs to run for months, not weeks. If it is just some physical strength, and he's still strong enough to walk around and carry his spellbook, he can deal, he thinks.

If you were particularly powerful before, the weakening effect will be more pronounced, and the restoration you need will be more expensive.

Does it affect wizardry? Is 1st circle "particularly powerful"? He absolutely will not give up a fraction of his magic for this, he doesn't have much to begin with.

Staff will have a short conversation with you to determine whether you understand what reincarnation does and that the process is irreversible

Okay, he can confirm 1st circle isn't powerful enough to be weakened in a more pronounced way, particularly one that damages his magic.

You will keep your skills, although it's normal for difficult motor skills to be disrupted and need to be retrained.

Hanging a spell isn't primarily a motor skill, so this sounds okay? A question for the staff before the final decision.

So... overall plan. Think this over during the convention. No wait, if they do their loyalty test with detect thoughts he shouldn't think of unlawfully absconding during the convention. Think this over each night right before he goes to sleep. Maybe find a book or two on other races and read it in his spare time, calculating the average lifespan across races for comparison with human lifespan and think how amazing and wise the archmage Naima is for giving this opportunity to so many people. After the convention, if he hasn't found some other solution pay a ship a retainer to transport an acquaintance who will pay a generous price. He originally hoped there was some slim chance the Queen might announce some form of debt relief seeing as how so many debts and loans are so Asmodean, but he won't bet on it. Anyway, he should probably go for Absalom? He doesn't know a lot of geography, but he think they have lots of races and people from everywhere so he'll blend in fine whatever monster he ends up as. Maybe read a book on other countries, with attention on mixed populations.

And... back to being a loyal citizen, how loyal is he, not thinking about absconding away from this garbage fire country that enslaves its loyal wizards in absurd debts. Not thinking that. Loyal thoughts.