kobolds favor high variance strategies
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Agreed.

He nods without expression. He's never played poker, but he'd be quite good at it.

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As a policy, we don't accept volunteers. But in this case I think you should let it in, and then tell me how annoyed the Andorans camped outside are about it.

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We should probably make some sort of basic attempt to verify that he is what he says he is. Inquisitor? 

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You want me to find out if he's really Kicharchu? Or just that he's actually a kobold? Or if he's actually from the sewers?

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All of the above. ...Possibly if he intends to eat anybody. 

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Who among us has never eaten anybody, really.

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Eating the other delegates is strictly forbidden.

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"Kicharchu," he says sternly, turning his gaze on the kobold. "Do you intend to eat anyone here?"

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"No, no, no. You have already seen me!"

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Well there you have it, he says, mostly to Elie.

Anything else?

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Seriously, though, you should check if it's a human. I turned at least two people into kobolds yesterday.

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I think that's a very interesting philosophical question. Certainly he's a kobold now. Can one not become a naturalized citizen of that nation as much as anywhere else? 

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This will rapidly stop being funny if next week you get dozens of volunteers claiming to represent the interests of hobgoblins and nagaji, all of whom are actually human barons who only stand because nobody has had time to investigate accusations that they celebrate their birthdays by having eight year olds torn apart by starving dogs.

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Fine. Inquisitor, ask him if he's always been a kobold. 

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"Kicharchu. Have you always been you? Have you ever been something other than what you are?"

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"I was an egg. Eggs are different. They cannot move or talk notevenslightly."

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He nods. "This is true. And are you now or have you ever been a noble of Cheliax?"

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"If I am nobodytoldmeso."

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He turns to the wizard.

Did we, by chance, make him a noble without telling him?

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Not yet. 

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Well he's not a noble. Unless, I suppose, Naima also wiped his memory and gave him a new one.

Naima... he begins.

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Why would I erase someone's memory and then tell you to cross examine them? Some of us don't have time for -

Look, I'm satisfied. Wave him in and sit him ... somewhere. Elected. I guess.

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"Kicharchu" – he says very solemnly – "It is my great honor to inform you that you are officially the elected representative of the district of – subterreanean Westcrown. I hope to see you acquit yourself with virtue and honor in her service." 

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That sounds affirmative! "Yesthankyoukindly! How do I do the Great Work please?"

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"That's a very good question. I'd love to tell you all about it, but I'm really very busy. I'm sure the inquistor here can introduce you to your colleague from Westcrown."

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