"An Irish vampire who wants control over the comings and goings of anyone other than ignorant humans as regards her island. Nathan is the only person with the distinction of having flouted her in the past, which is why I thought of it, and he has stopped since joining the Golden Coven, but if anyone could talk him into doing it again it would be you."

[Yes?]

The Joker smiles in a not-particularly-reassuring way.

[I could use your help for a bit of a mess with Golden and an Alice-alt and whatnot. Are you free?]

[Sure,] says Mary.

"Well," says Golden to the Joker, "what would you be inclined to do, with mint powers and a mated vampire and the run of Aurum - less Ireland, because frankly I don't think Siobhan is going to tolerate you anywhere within her territory."

"Wander around," he says, shrugging. "Get into trouble, but probably not the kind you care about."

"Sounds about right," volunteers Mary. "With some variance." She explores a little more. "Depending largely on the terms you work out, but I don't have enough good guesses about those to pin it down further."

"How much do either of you know about what kind of trouble I care about?" inquires Golden.

"The bulk of probability says this guy is not going to do anything that disrupts your life significantly or makes you express a reaction more negative than exasperation or nervousness," says Mary. "With mint powers and a mated vampire and the run of Aurum." She checks something. "Actually, if you don't give him mint powers, he's much likelier to cause trouble. By a factor of more than ten; my numbers aren't exact."

"...Seriously?"

"That's extremely counterintuitive," says Golden.

"Not really," says the Joker. "Makes perfect sense to me."

"Perhaps you could elaborate."

"And yet the trouble you could cause if the mood struck is correspondingly more significant, if you have not only coins but also unrestricted ability to use them," she says. "At that point I can no longer decide you're a net liability and straightforwardly send Razi to kill you - hypothetically, Nathan. At that point I can't stash you in the hiding place - which might be a terrible idea anyway, if the way you're describing the situation is accurate."

"I don't do things I don't want to do," the Joker explains patiently. "And I don't want to throw big magic around to cause trouble. No interest at all."

Golden looks at Mary.

"I'm not a lie detector," she says. "I can tell you he's really unlikely to do that, but I can't tell you what would make him do that unless somebody suggests a possible cause and I check."

"I suppose Alice - my sister, not him," she clarifies with a gesture at Stella's Alice, "could potentially help, but she can't do anything here, this place makes her dizzy..."

"This is all looking like a much happier ending than I'd anticipated. Previously my best idea for a more humane solution to Gotham's little problem looked like 'maybe send him home with Angela to wander around on that continent full of Edori'," Stella comments.