spoilers for Divinity: Original Sin II
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It's too many things. There is not enough space in her heart to grieve that many people; adding one more hardly makes it worse, even if he's the person who has been the center of her world for her whole adult life. She can feel herself grieving and reaching the edges of her grief and pulling back where there's nothing left but wallowing in it. The more suffocating thing is the impossibility of figuring out what to learn from this. 

She could figure out, in time, how to reorient to having failed, having let eighty thousand people die because she didn't arrive fast enough. She could figure out how to live with not knowing if Lucian had ever believed in the mission or if he'd been trying to get her out of the way. She could figure out, in time, how to orient to an invasion of things from the Void because Lucian waited too long with the deathfog. She could figure out how to live in a world without the Divine. She has no idea how to stack them on top of each other. The question that has always mattered the most is how to make decisions that make things better, instead of worse, and it feels like an avalanche of evidence crumbling down on her that none of her previous answers worked at all. 

And she can't just walk away. There is an invasion of things from the Void, apparently, and Lucian is dead. More work to do than ever, and fewer hands with which to do it - because of her, because she was wrong, because she tried to save everyone and ended up perhaps damning everyone -

 

"Mmm," she says, after a long moment, just so Matten can tell she is still conscious and still listening. 

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"The Order's in complete disarray. Palavar declared independence. The paladins are favoring Kemm as Lucian's successor. The Magisters are Alexandar's, of course. There was very nearly fighting in the streets of Arx over custody of Lucian's body. Alexandar talked everybody down but it was a near thing. He's planning to attempt the trials, see if the gods will appoint a new Divine. We're going to need one. 

The healers thought you'd make a full recovery eventually, your problem at this point is just disuse of all your muscles. 

I think that's everything urgent. ...oh. Don't use Source. At the university they have a theory that it's what is attracting the Void creatures. They can smell it, they feed on it, they appear nearby whenever someone uses it."

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She knows what she wants to answer to that, knows what she would have answered to that back when the world made sense. Her mouth is very slow to obey her commands, but she wants it very badly. "So....better...than...you....expected," she gets out, eventually. 

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He is not an expressive person but at that he laughs, or at least hiccups. "Going about as well as I expected. Maybe a bit better. It's good to have you back, sir."

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It's not good to be back. It is hard to imagine it ever will be. "Tell ...me...Void...invasion."

 

 

 


 

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