...Yeah. It's really inconvenient and it's bugging her too! Unfortunately she's worried about his respiratory status - his sats are fine now but he's been lying still - so probably he's not going to get the tube out that soon. Maybe she can find on Google what that alphabet is from and figure out how to use the stupid phone translation service to read a written note and then this isn't actually a worthwhile use of time, probably. Marian nods and shrugs and looks apologetic.

- does he seem like he might be persistently awake and feeling a little better? Because she does still have a lot of questions for him, if it seems like it might be a good time and she can think of how to draw pictures to ask. 

He does look persistently awake!  Not very much better - or, he still looks physically uncomfortable and a bit unhappy about that, but he does seem to be more clear-headed than before.  Or at least he's focusing on her and doesn't look like it requires deliberate effort.

Oh good. She might as well try conveying that she's confused and has a question? He may or may not be up for actually drawing the answer but it's a start. 

She finds the bit of paper where she originally drew the sequence of how he ended up in the ICU, and - points at him where he is now and then walks her finger back along the page, from the hospital-drawing to the ambulance-drawing to the bleeding-stick-figure drawing. And then moves her finger further left, off the paper, and makes a questioning face, and then offers him the clipboard with a blank sheet on it...? 

It's very understandable that the Healer has questions about how they ended up wherever they are! Leareth is...deliberately not having an opinion on whether Karal should try to answer, actually, that seems like it should be up to Karal. 

Oh no, that is such a reasonable question, and he knows neither how he wants to answer it nor how to draw whatever he decides on.

(He squints mentally at Leareth's lack of opinion, but decides he should take it at face value, if they're going to try to trust each other.)

Well, he could refuse to talk about any of it, but that just seems unhelpful to the goal of figuring out where they are and why?  These people may know something they don't.  They seem to know so much, in general.

But he would prefer not to have to explain Leareth in small drawings, and that doesn't feel like lying, when Leareth doesn't want to be talked about.  So...

A little scene of Karal sleeping in a bed, in a room with a wall. 

Next, a group of shadowy figures outside, a large jagged hole in the wall, a net thrown over a flailing Karal-figure on the floor. 

Next, the Karal figure, half out from under the net but surrounded by enemies, stabs itself with a knife.  He adds abstract scribbles to the scene - some from Karal's head, some from the other figures, some from above - a circle underneath, faintly drawn and then half scribbled-out - he makes a complicatedly confused gesture.  Points to the three pictures in turn, gestures confusion again, and then points to Marian's bleeding-stick-figure page.

....Wow that's really confusing. Uh. Marian is - kind of struggling to come up with a less stupid interpretation than "something involving Spider-Man attacking her patient"? 

Ugh. She shouldn't punish her patient for being bad at drawing having a weird complicated history whatever.

She tries to smile gratefully at him even though none of that makes ANY SENSE.

Yes, it's confusing, he knows!  But... she seems even more confused than he expected?  He helps himself with Empathy, but really most of it is clear enough from her body language - there's no recognition there at all, not "what a bizarre magical accident, I have no idea how that happened or what sort of place you're from" but "I don't understand what any of this is at all". 

... He has noticed that her world is very unlike his.  They... do magic completely differently?  Don't have Gates?  Something else he isn't thinking of?  Or maybe he's just very bad at drawing and it would all make sense to her if he did it differently.  All these are possible, and he doesn't feel up to trying to disentagle them with more little drawings, especially when it seems unlikely to help - he had hoped she might have some idea of what happened to them and why, but if the concepts are so alien to her then she probably doesn't.

The important part is - he points to his last drawing, makes an exaggerated confused gesture, points to her first one - he doesn't understand what happened either.

They can both be confused then!!! 

...Also Marian is maybe getting distracted by the baffling Spider-Man part and neglecting to focus on the more important part, which is that the figure in the last panel is definitely stabbing himself! Why! He's not even acting like this is incredibly concerning! 

She points at the figure with the knife and makes a questioning face, trying to convey "why did you do that?" matter-of-factly without looking like she's upset with him over it; if she acts like she thinks he did something wrong, she's worried he won't want to tell her. 

(Inconveniently for Marian, Karal has Empathy and will be able to tell just fine that she's upset.) 

Being upset about all of that makes perfect sense!  If it wasn't an incredibly upsetting situation he wouldn't have tried to kill himself to get out of it!  She seems upset in a... different direction than that... but probably it's just because everything is confusing.

It's also, once again, a really complicated question, with parts he doesn't want to answer and probably couldn't even if he wanted to.  But it's a reasonable thing for her to want to know, when she's been putting so much effort into keeping him alive.  He cannot exactly promise he won't do it again, but he can try to show that he did it for good reasons?

He circles the earlier scene, where he's trapped under a net.  Draws a line from that to a version where he lies down and doesn't do anything as one of the figures grabs him - another line from that to a scene where he's chained to a wall - and he draws that one a second and third time, pointing to them in turn and then in a circle with a distressed look on his face.  Imprisoned forever.

He draws another line from the net scene, to one where he stands up and stabs one of the other figures with the knife.  A line from that to a confusing and very scribbly larger scene - a big building, explosions, many figures lying around bleeding.  He looks even more acutely miserable about that one.

He draws a third line from the net scene to the original one of him stabbing himself.  Circles that one, emphatically crosses out the other two, looking a little sad but mostly deeply relieved.

Okay, he - thought he didn't have better options than trying to kill himself? Fair enough, she supposes, just. What even are the other options he's trying to draw here??? 

- okay, ignore the Spiderman webs, that's a distraction. He was asleep and - got cornered by some unfriendly people who intended him harm, that much is clear. Some sort of fucked up gang thing, maybe? He could have fought back, but this would have...escalated to someone blowing up the building? Baffling that that would happen but valid not to want it to! And he could have not fought back and they would have - kidnapped him and chained him up in someone's basement? 

There's a notable lack of any of the options being, like, calling the cops. ...Honestly all Marian can think of is that maybe her patient is also a gang member who was up to something shady and didn't want the authorities involved. Not that it actually matters, he's her patient and he deserves the best care she can give him regardless of what brought him here and it's not actually her business. 

Did this all happen in the fucking Walmart where she does her grocery shopping??? (Is this guy homeless and breaks into stores to sleep there? That might explain not wanting to call the cops though, uh, trying to kill himself seems like an enormous overreaction if the alternative is getting in trouble for breaking into Walmart.) Or possibly it happened somewhere else and the unfriendly gang dumped him there and left him for dead. For some reason. It seems like the guy who was opening the store would have to be in on it and Marian suddenly has so many concerns about ever going to that Walmart again. 

- it's also pretty unclear how he ended up with burns? Maybe the reason he thinks that a fight would have escalated to blowing up a building is because the Spiderman web was a baffling way of depicting that the unfriendly gang would-be-kidnappers tried to incapacitate him with a bomb, and he reasonably thought they probably had more of those? In that case it presumably didn't all happen in Walmart unless the guy opening the store was in on it and cleaned up the evidence before calling 911. 

NO FUCKING WONDER this man has some sort of PTSD! 

...How is one supposed to respond to one's patient confessing that they were ??involved in some sort of horrific gang kidnapping incident?? Should she be explaining this to the charge nurse so they can make a police report? 

Probably first she should, like, be sympathetic and understanding to her patient who just went through an incredibly awful experience. Marian nods seriously, making eye contact, and - not moving quickly and trying to telegraph everything she's doing - will reach to squeeze his hand comfortingly if he allows it? 

She's... worried and confused about pretty much everything, which is entirely reasonable of her... uncertain about him, briefly, and concerned for her own safety, also briefly - she is absolutely entitled to both of those reactions, and he nods with an apologetic expression - and... despite all that she resolves to focus on being kind to him...

Oh, she's so good.  He gives her a heartfelt sad smile, squeezes her hand for a long moment, projects gratitude-regret-trust-safety very lightly.

... He may be clinging and tearing up a little. 

Awww. Marian is so glad that he seems to trust her and be comfortable with her even though she probably gave him a PTSD flashback by being an enormous klutz and somehow causing a miniature earthquake. She can stand here holding his hand as long as he seems to want that. 

(She feels like she has a way better sense of why he hated being restrained so much! He might even have thought that the kidnapping had succeeded and he was chained up in someone's basement after all, during the worst disorientation. 

...She does not have any idea how the "gang activity" theory fits with the thing where he doesn't speak English, is from some country she doesn't recognize with an alphabet she doesn't recognize, and seems to have never seen a phone before? But it's not, like, incredibly decision-relevant to figure that out right now. Maybe it'll at least mean that the police can not bother trying to question him until he's recovered enough for extubation? If the police want to harass her patient they'll have to get through her first.) 

She is so good.  He will in fact close his eyes and spend a few minutes crying in mixed horror and relief, and not let go of her hand unless she does it first.  It was all a terrifying experience, and truly awful things could have happened, that he didn't predict and wasn't prepared for - and then different confusing things kept happening and he hasn't had time to have emotions about it for... he has no idea how long he's been here...  But in the end the worst didn't happen, and he's still alive and surrounded by kind people and they will... probably be all right? 

It's a little worrying that she seems to expect some sort of conflict over him - and she should not put herself at risk for his sake even though she's absolutely considering it!  But she isn't very worried, so probably whatever it is will be fine, and in any case he can deal with it later.  Everything will be easier then - or at least Marian thinks so, and he believes her.

Leareth doesn't relax just in response to what Karal is picking up with Empathy, but Karal's reaction to it is - Leareth thinks he's right, probably, that they're - that whatever the remaining complication is, it's not physical danger. There's no point in - well, there was already no point in trying to hold himself tense in a shape ready to respond to unexpected danger, since he can't do things, but now it feels like it's also no longer justified.  

...he's not sure what to do with that. Usually this is where it would make sense to focus on resting and processing what happened, and work toward being - okay. Which would involve actually letting himself fully feel all the emotions he's definitely going to have about the situation as soon as he leaves space for them in his head, but it feels impossible to get anywhere on being more okay given the...everything...

Yes - Karal can lie here and cry and feel better, because for him the worst part is already over, but for Leareth it's not.  No wonder he can't see how he can possibly feel more okay until things get at least a little better.  Karal imagines hugging him, for all that he's not sure Leareth will find that anything but baffling.

He tentatively thinks it would be good for Leareth to try having some of his inevitable emotions now, when he at least feels safer and more relaxed - and when Karal is relaxed and taking the time to feel his own pain, because it seems like Karal's reactions help Leareth figure out the right way to feel about things?  Which makes sense, with how he can't really do much figuring out on his own.

And then they'll work on finding something that can be made at least a little better.  Karal is clear-headed enough now that he can promise him at least that much.  It... wouldn't be fair, to ask Leareth to let himself feel things with no prospect of having different feelings afterward.

That makes sense. It's not like Leareth isn't already experiencing a lot of distress, and looking at how he feels about the situation in more detail will probably make the misery easier to bear even if it doesn't precisely make him any less miserable. 

What is the situation? Start by trying to think about that. 

He died. He doesn't remember how he died, which is unusual and bothers him. He might have been unusually disoriented even for having just died and come back, though it’s hard to be sure since he doesn’t remember the other times.

He landed on a battlefield in Karse, in circumstances that seemed carefully arranged by Someone to nudge him toward not immediately killing Karal. He judged it was worth the small risk of staying in Karal’s keep for longer, to avoid the different risks of sleeping rough and - because it was something considerate he could do for Karal, and he thought he could afford that.

He clearly misjudged that gamble.

Probably the godplot was in fact to take them prisoner, and Vkandis wasn’t specifically steering Leareth into somehow messing up a Gate in a way that might have landed them in a different world and has at least almost certainly landed them out of normal Gate-range of any of his people or records.

And, of course, he wouldn’t be able to Gate himself back anyway; he doesn’t remember any safe Gate-locations, he’s badly injured, and he’s under a compulsion not to do anything. If Vkandis was actually trying to trap him in another world where he can’t complete his work in Velgarth, this is a highly effective way to do it.

- though now that he’s trying to lay it out, it’s occurring to him that the compulsion was a sloppy one. Overpowered, so it won’t fall apart in days, but it probably won’t stay stable for months.

That’s…an enormous relief, it doesn’t make the current situation less unpleasant but he’s unlikely to be trapped indefinitely…

Also he's sharing his head with Karal, which - to the extent Karal can be modeled as an ally, is actually very fortunate? Karal isn't affected by the compulsion, and - possibly that's something Vkandis wasn't expecting or counting on? It's the only reason why he's not a prisoner, and now that they're - elsewhere - it's also the only reason he has avenues to learn more about their situation or gain any control over it. 

...It's also very stressful because Karal barely knows anything about him and might prefer not to treat him as an ally if he did know. And it's not fair to Karal to keep that information from him, even if Leareth is very very scared about where that might lead. 

Karal said he wasn't going to keep Leareth trapped indefinitely!  ...But Leareth doesn't trust people, so that didn't count.  No, that's unkind - even if he did believe him, there's an enormous difference between believing someone that something will happen and knowing that you'll be able to do it yourself, and Karal cannot at all blame Leareth for feeling relieved for not having to rely on him.

And Leareth is right that they don't even know each other very well.  For instance, Karal did not realize he had been at that much risk of being killed immediately!  He's not sure how he feels about that for a moment, then gives a mental shrug - that is the nature of battlefields anyway, so he hardly has much room to complain, and it's not as if the short rest of his life without Leareth's appearance would've meant much of anything.

Leareth got him home, and Karal owes him for that.  He knows everything is complicated and probably awful - just that killing Karal wouldn't have been much of a loss doesn't mean it's all right that Leareth apparently regularly does this to people - but he would pay a debt even to an enemy.  And, more than that... Leareth is not treating him as an enemy, Leareth keeps trying to be fair and kind to him when he can, and Karal is not going to repay that with hostility.  (He just isn't - that is a fundamental fact about him that he cannot prove or explain, but the unshakeable certainty in his thoughts is difficult to doubt.)  He is not going to let Leareth be worse off for having let him live, or for letting him spend a night at home, or for any of the small cooperative gestures he clearly expected no advantage from.  (A memory of Leareth, helpless and confused, pushing through his distress to tell Karal what happened wasn't his fault.  It hurts, that he could do that for someone and yet had no expectation of being treated well in turn.)  Even if Leareth has done awful things, which must be the case if he's so worried about telling Karal more about himself, he is clearly not an evil man, and it would be a deep wrong to punish him for his better impulses and push him toward becoming one.  Karal will not let a man be trapped because he chose to be kind, not even if the gods intended it.

And Karal doesn't insist on knowing whatever it is Leareth's keeping from him.  That is Leareth's choice, and it should be a free one.  He doesn't expect it to change much of what he does, only how he feels about it.

Well, there’s also the fact that Karal currently can’t fix it, and it might well take him longer than a few weeks to learn enough control of his mage-gift to safely cut a compulsion without hurting them. But, no, Leareth’s life - many lives - have generally not rewarded him for trusting strangers thrown into his life by circumstance. And this particular set of circumstances was almost certainly steered by Vkandis, who Leareth would expect want Karal not to be someone who he could trust and work with. 

There’s a note of mental apology - he doesn’t mean to offend Karal by implying that he must be lying about his intention to try to help Leareth - the prediction that this ends badly for him isn't really about Karal at all, just - broader priors. 

Anyway. For better or worse, they're in this together for the foreseeable future, and Leareth is glad that Karal isn't treating him as an enemy, and grateful that he wants to help make this easier if he can. 

He thinks telling Karal - well, not hiding in his thoughts from Karal - the truth about his life and plans is a necessary step toward it being any easier. As long as Karal doesn't know who Leareth really is, his intention to help feels - like it might be based on false premises, and therefore Leareth can't put any emotional weight on it. Though he maybe needs...some more time...to get his thoughts and fragmented memories into enough order that he can show Karal in a way that makes any sense. 

...also he's paying a little more attention to the sensory input of having a body right now, even though this is distressing because he can't move it, and - he's noticing that Karal's body feels really quite terrible? To an extent that might be concerning, and is almost certainly impairing for both of them. 

He's not sure if the Healer can do anything about that, but it's plausibly the sort of thing she would want Karal to communicate? 

Karal is not so much offended as just baffled - he's led a simple life in which people mostly believed him when he said things, and he's having trouble imagining the thought process that leads someone to see all his thoughts and not trust that they aren't somehow false - but he can understand what Leareth is saying, even if that entire way of thinking is deeply alien to him.  (It hurts, of course it does, to offer someone that much of himself and have it ignored.  But that is not Leareth's fault any more than Karal's side of all their misunderstandings is his.  They will just have to do it the long way around.)

Yes, then, Leareth should take the time to think about how to tell Karal more about himself - Karal is not good at thinking through bizarre complicated situations, and Leareth's existence has clearly been that, so he would be grateful to have it simplified, but he would very much like to... know enough for Leareth to be capable of believing that he means what he says.  And in the meantime Karal should... see if Marian can do anything about the vague terribleness?...  He thought vague terribleness was the expected state of things when he should really be dead, and so he's been ignoring it, which he's really remarkably good at.  But maybe Leareth has a point - he has been feeling better and worse, or at least different types of bad, over time, in ways that might possibly depend on something all these strange objects are doing, rather than just being the inevitable result of his choices?  The objects are doing something, after all.

He opens his eyes, waves his hand to get Marian's attention - he does feel really weak - makes an unhappy grimace?  Cups his head in an 'it hurts' gesture, squeezing his eyes closed for a moment.  Picks up his arm and half flops it to indicate how exhausting it is to move, although that's... probably normal...?  Points at his chest, where it feels like his heart is doing something strange and wrong, but that's probably also expected after having stabbed it, and he has no idea how to differentiate it from any of the other obviously wrong things with his chest.

Aww poor guy. He does look like he's feeling pretty terrible! ...It's moderately worrying, actually, he still looks - off, sick, in some way Marian can't pin down but she doesn't think it's just the expected blood loss and pain. 

He doesn't have a fever, though she should be keeping a close eye on that, he's at high risk of infection from the burns. And at risk of dehydration - which would also explain a headache - but his urine output is all right. He's pale, but less sweaty and clammy than before she treated his low blood sugar. 

Something about his chest is clearly bothering him, and proooobably it’s not just pain? He knows he’s injured and already expressed that he still prefers a lower dose of pain medication.

….His sats are down at 91%. That’s not great, hmm. Marian points at his chest, attempts to act out someone trying to catch their breath, and makes a questioning face?

He... has been ignoring anything going on with his breathing even more thoroughly than he's been ignoring everything else... because there's a tube in there and that really seems like it makes it not his responsibility to consider whether the right things are happening!  But yes, now that she asks about it, he would like to feel like he can breathe properly.

He attempts to also act out trying to breathe, grimaces at the tube making it feel weird, nods.

Marian swings down her stethoscope and listens to his lungs.

- okay, yeah, he’s in fact filling up with fine crackles, whoops, she hasn’t suctioned him - at all, actually, his lungs were clear right after the OR and then he was awake and refusing sedation and she didn’t want to be mean.

It seems like she’s now going to need to be mean! Normally she would consider giving him a bit of extra sedation for it, but she doubts he wants that.

She nods, then picks up the in-line suction tubing where he can see it, and mimes pushing it into the tube, then points at him and fake-coughs. Does he seem to follow this?

She's going to put a thing into the tube and wants him to cough?  That's... well, not reasonable, but not more unreasonable than anything else going on... except he worries he won't be able to breathe at all while there are things in there?  He mimes breathing again, mimes putting a thing into the tube and then failing to breathe?