A general sips her drink. "You'd get fakes that way, people'd round up their neighbors, dye 'em."

"Yes. And lots of people would die. I want to give them all as many children as they want, but not like that."

"You could be not doing that because your immigrants can't confirm that."

"I'm not even totally sure that bit'd be necessary. But our talk shows have all been inviting Valinor's first aliens to come talk and if you'd like I will get you the videos."

"Wouldn't hurt."

"I'll have someone bring them over in a local format."

"Next card night's at her place." Point.

Nod. "Pleasure meeting you all."

"Mm-hm."

He leaves. He reads history books.  He reads political scientists. He gets an explanation from the orcs and the Dwarves of how their criminal justice systems work. 

He gets video of Valinor's new citizens on the talk show circuit. Elves ask them what they miss about home and what they like about Tirion and what they think of Elves and what their favorite foods and songs and artists are.

They miss some foods and events and the availability of pants and being able to listen to music while jogging that wasn't Whatever The Nearest Elves Are Singing Right Now, Which May Or May Not Be Good Jogging Music. Tirion is pretty and Elves are friendly if kind of clueless. They like That One Song That Was Actually Good Jogging Music, It Went da-DAH-dah-dah-doo-da, and the spinach cheese things, and the green glass thing.

He forwards this with a note that Elves have in fact invented headphones, really, promise, it'd be understandable if that were a dealbreaker. (They are hard to find in stores but you can get them delivered). 

The generals contemplate this over their next game of cards.

What are his coup requirements?

He wants the senate arrested. He wants the internet and television to stay up everywhere so they can explain immediately that the government cheated on the lightleapers deal and is getting replaced with a government that can be trusted with a lightleapers deal, that they're working out details but will permit everyone at least two kids and will additionally honor previous child permissions, and that heroics of any kind will not be rewarded with the exception of authorized actions on the part of the military. 

Then he'd like blues escorted to the shuttles. Foreign diplomats can instead get escorted to the airport. 

"They're not all bad," one of the generals says again. "I'm not sure who our current liaison had to stab in the back to get the job but we like her and they'll strangle her in her sleep for this."

"I'm fine with exceptions that are - self-contained - no 'and my husband and his boyfriend and his wife and their three kids one of whom is also married' - and that aren't liable to do anything stupid while under house arrest for a month until we can integrate them."

"We don't know most of 'em personally, can't vouch for how stupid they'd be."

"Which is why it's just easier to send them off and then consider applications to return on a case-by-case basis, but that doesn't solve intracaste violence - we can monitor them, of course, but there are tradeoffs involved in watching closely enough to catch everything, and I'm not sure whether Amentans find it worse to be at some risk of attack from their fellows or to spend the lightleaper trip chained to a wall -"

"Probably depends on whether they'd be the ones dishing it out or not."

He makes a face. "If they didn't have such a track record of being stupid I'd much prefer house arrest but they rise to such dangerous heights of stupid that I'm sure some would - arrange foreign intervention and spread destabilizing rumors and so on. What about - exceptions for anyone you can vouch for, whatever measures necessary taken to ensure they all survive the flight in good health, and a straightforward process to apply to return for everyone who isn't dangerously stupid, relaxing the conditions once dangerous stupidity will be less destabilizing."

"You want the kids rounded up too?"

"Yes. Don't want to separate families."

"How d'you want armed resistance handled - they have a gun hobby, they have loyal private security, they have a grey girlfriend over -"

"Obviously if your troops' lives are in danger they should defend themselves. If it's a standoff I have a way to deescalate that but - one situation at a time, with some travel time intervening."

"Hm?"