And she dissolves into giggles.

Several seconds later, when she's contained the gigglefit, "Clearly Traditional Anti-Moonism is the superior choice. We absolutely must keep the otherwise-useless giant laser industry afloat."

"Indeed. How else shall we defend ourselves from the hordes of spacefaring moons just waiting to assault our fair planet? You have passed the test."

"Exactly! Some of them aren't even moons, just masquerading as them.

"But how do you feel about the Ninja Garrison Industry? Should ninja have specialized garrisons built, or should they be garrisoned in people's homes and workplaces?"

"Both, of course. The more ninjas the better. The more locations the ninjas are in the better. The more widely the ninjas are distributed the more omnipresent the fear."

She manages to contain the giggles this time. "Precisely. And this is why we must elect the shinobi party in the upcoming parlimentary elections. No one else can take back the world from the grip the far-too-benevolent vampire empress who rules from the shadows and seeks to gradually scale up turnings to spread immortality. No one else can bring the world back to the omnipresent fear we deserve."

She nods solemnly. "You, too, have passed the test."

"Precisely. If the vampire empress were truly benevolent she would inflict on us the fear we all ontologically deserve, rather than something as paltry as immortality. She could be using her vampiric powers to inflict suffering beyond imagining, but instead she is WEAK and she will not survive the winter."

"Indeed! She survived great suffering herself, and rather than see it for the blessing it was, she instead seeks to spread immortality, reduce suffering, and research synthetic blood substitutes that taste better than animals. How could she countenance such weakness in herself? How could she?"

This is getting weirdly specific.

Clearly, this is because Sable is a secret vampire and the vampire empress is REAL.

Hah, no. It'd be funny, though.

It's never secret vampires. Much like it's never secret mindreaders.

"Indeed. Truly, virtue through suffering is the first principle from which all others follow. Thus, my proposition to throw beehives at small children."

See, this clever knack for spotting when they're being suspiciously specific is part of why they love you.

"Truly, you are the wisest woman I have ever met. I should spend the future studying your understanding of virtue."

"Indeed you should. My wisdom is beyond mortal ken, and you are privileged to be in my presence."

"No woman has ever been so privileged as I am to be in your company, and nothing would please me more than spending my time making sure you know exactly how privileged I feel."

Lewd.

Correct.

"How wonderful. Then you shan't complain when I put you to work in the mines."

There we go, you recovered wonderfully Alethia, fast enough she certainly can't have noticed.

Probably.

She definitely couldn't possibly have noticed. No impossible vampiric perception here. Nope.

"As long as I'm mining gorgeous gemstones and precious metals that can somehow manage to complement your beauty, I will toil in the mines with a song in my heart."

She can't stop a fond little smile from ghosting across her face for a moment.

But no! She must keep up the bit and not simply smile at Sable! She must!

"Good. If the gems are not at least the size of my head I will have you launched out of the orbital suncannon. Into mars- the sun would be too good for you."

"Just the size of your head? No, I owe you a gem big enough to carve a life-size statue of you from."

Sable has an odd hunch.

Alethia seems like the type of girl who might prefer important info like matebonds quickly.

<Plausible. She really might,> Maya concurs.

<But how do we find out for sure without revealing in the process that there's important info?>, Hailey counters.

<Maybe mix it into some silly and not-so-silly hypotheticals, call it getting to know each other better?>, Ruby suggests.

"Ah, good, I see you are fully aware of the scope of my majesty."

"Indeed."

She giggles and shakes her head for a moment, grinning, then asks, "Favorite color?"

She breaks down into giggles herself, for a moment.