Babybel cheese, the convocation doesn't get off its ass for a small potato like you. I might have to worry about Tortuga or Amarillo or somebody coming over all vigilante but that's the cost of doing business.

Mezzopiano: no! you can't murder your parents! that would make for the WORST two nickels situation of ALL time. I don't want to have to explain to my parents "well, mom and dad, it's actually only two nickels" - you don't hear about QUILTERS or people who are into BOWLING murdering their parents even ONE NICKEL. leave them alone!
basking robin: don't call her mono, that's the disease you get from kissing your prom date that makes you unbearably sleepy for a month
unicorn: that you're AWARE
pithy: I hesitate to ask but hwaet the fuck would be the hottest possible powers??
spirulinagalaxy: flight is pretty hot...
grape_fruit: we know, spi, today is k's day to be hornt

DM to monoceros: if that happens can i watch. do you have cameras for that. 

@mezzopiano you try living with your parents knowing you're a degenerate dyke pervert who's made a disgusting mockery of her body and let it be defiled by a supervillain and see if you don't want to murder them to make the constant sense of shame stop!

@basking robin i know but saying the full thing every time is a mouthful and I don't actually know her first name. Lemme see if it's on wikipedia.

@pithy superstrength probably. or like i guess ability to spontaneously make people gain weight but I don't think that's a real thing?

I'll see what I can do.

Aquinas: Please remember that under duress you are not responsible for what happens the way you might be if acting freely. You don't have to identify with these events.
Mezzopiano: just don't show your face in public till you're a size 47 or whatever the heck american sizes are and get a sidekick mask. they don't have to know. they can think that she killed and ate you.
grape_fruit: god does she do that?
Mezzopiano: do I look like I know?? villainvillage says it's a definite maybe!
unicorn: I think we are underlooking the drugs angle. this might be k but it might be a severely altered k. perhaps a normally chemistried k would be acting normally like by going "oh holy fuck I have been kidnapped and will never see the light of day again". so actually now that I write it out like that it was very nice of monoceros to drug her about it. carry on.

@mezzopiano is my name not, like, in the news? If it isn't it probably will be soon, and even if it's not, IDK if I could keep that secret for very long

@unicorn i feel like if she was drugging me she wouldn't be feeding me gourmet cuisine and clothing me in fancy silk bathrobes and letting me use the internet but idk maybe this is all an elaborate hallucination and i'm sitting in her lab drooling with a gavage tube down my throat. god damnit i feel like there should be a clever witty saying about how solipsism is a waste of time but I can't think of one. just pretend i said one. anyways given that it really does seem like she likes me. she calls me adorable food-themed pet names and everything. ngl it makes me melt.

Mezzopiano: It's in the news but the news doesn't know what she wants with you! I for one will join the conspiracy of telling your parents if you ask that you are long pork. don't murder your parents. for serious don't.
unicorn: but when the NRE wears off.......
Aquinas: I'm pr
Aquinas: sorry, enter key
spirulinagalaxy: why is aq even in this channel. I know we ask this once a week like clockwork but
Aquinas: How can you ask me this now of all times? K has been abducted by a dangerous criminal and I'm worried about them!
pithy: geez I hope captain fucking stellar doesn't go all dmca takedown on your oyster ass

@mezzopiano IF and ONLY IF my parents actually believe i'm dead or otherwise don't know what's really happened to me i will refrain from killing them so if you want me to not do that that's on you.

@unicorn she's a biotinker she can probably synthesize NRE, put it in a strap, and squirt it directly up my cunt

@pithy he's canadian, what's he gonna do, apologize at me?

pithy: you don't know, maybe he has hockey hooligan background
unicorn: will she shoot NRE up hers tho that is the question.
Mezzopiano: >:[

@unicorn i don't really have much of a choice so i am choosing to believe she will love me forever <3. Also from what I've seen of her that seems plausible for her to do

@mezzopiano ok look compromise. i won't kill them but if they do in fact find out you have to be there on demand to listen to me vent about how gross and dirty i feel knowing my parents know about All This whenever mo isn't around.

Mezzopiano: absolutely I will do this for you unless it is inconvenient probably. why are you so murdery! shouldn't being in a good mood make you less murdery?
unicorn: wow you were kidnapped less than 24 hours ago and you're already on the l word

@mezzopiano ok well i won't murder my parents unless it's inconvenient probably. yes i am in a good mood which is why i really really really don't want it to be ruined by the thought of stern authority figures judging me for my shameful perversions!

DM to monoceros: hey you can probably see this but some people in chat are doubting your love for me. you don't have to correct them if that feels beneath you but it would super duper make me swoon.

lol

Mezzopiano: maybe when it has been more than 24 hours you will discover that good moods can must and should be resilient to your parents being alive??
spirulinagalaxy: so are you like in her lair. is it a nice lair. is she keeping you in the dungeon or what

it's an extremely nice lair. it's like underground/underwater on this presumably artifical island and there's a beautiful view both on the surface level and of the ocean inside and i have my own bedroom (kinda a double edged sword, she declined to cuddle me to sleep last night) and the bed is very comfy and there is obviously a computer which most people kidnapped by supervillains probably do not get? i normally hate the beach but i might change my mind given that i'm about to start looking really hot in swimsuits

spirulinagalaxy: swanky. and the horrible torments have not started yet?
pithy: nonsense spi obviously the horrible torment is not being cuddled to sleep. can't you read
basking robin: people should study you and determine what made you immune to cultural programming on hotness

@spirulina galaxy not yet. hopefully they aren't gonna be that horrible tho

@basking robin i'm built different

spirulinagalaxy: this is, how you say, "hopium"
basking robin: I guess maybe monoceros is gonna study you. but not in the right way probably.
unicorn: why is she letting you on the internet

apparently i'm not important enough to attract enough supe heat to be worth denying her precious eris kitten her screen time

pithy: does she eat kittens
grape_fruit: sh'es not going to eat K, she's going to grow space pearls in her
Mezzopiano: fyi oysters usually don't like, survive, having their pearls took
Aquinas: Please don't give up on the possibility of rescue, K. There's always a chance a hero will see an opening to bring you home.
unicorn: way to harsh her vibe man

she promised she wouldn't kill me. maybe it's a lie but if that's the case there's not much i can do about it so i'm choosing to believe i am her precious treasure and she would never harm me in a way that isn't hot.

Mezzopiano: but like, what about after you grow the pearls. what then.

guys how many times do i have to fucking tell you. there are a number of different ways this could go, some of them are very very bad but some of them are very good and like the only way i can make the good ones more likely is by being nice and cooperative and eating until she says i'm done and kneeling when she tells me to kneel and uuuhhhh what was i talking about again

pithy: I for one am excited to learn what supervillains eat. what was dinner. what was breakfast. actually what timezone is the lair even in.

as previously stated it was 12 courses. they were uuuh some kind of delicious fish salad, eggs benedict, soup dumplings, crab rangoon, some kind of ethiopian meat dish whose name i don't remember, asparagus with like parmesan and breadcrumbs or something, chocolate chip cookies, raspberry buttercream bonbons, and salted caramel ice cream made from WHALE MILK. and no i do not mean her breast milk i mean milk from an actual 20 ton krill eating marine mammal. or idk i guess not all whale species are that big and she didn't say which one it was from. i guess i could ask. anyways it was all delicious except for the eggs benedict but that's probably not a surprise coming from me. we haven't had breakfast yet. 

She looks at the computer's clock and reports the current time to the Eris server.