"I've got my eye on you," she says as she cautiously nudges the door open.

Cozy cat. No clever plans here. Just relaxing sleepy on this swing. 

Suuuure.

The real test is going to be when she has to maneuver the cart in the door; there's no avoiding opening it at that point.

When the cart is a quarter of the way through the door, the cat turns, stretches, hops down off of the loveseat, and strides its way past April's legs (giving them a soft brushes as it passes) into the house, pausing inside and looking up at her. 

"I knew it. Liar liar pants on fire."

She wrestles the cart the rest of the way in and sighs.

"Are you going to make an unholy mess if I put away my groceries?" she demands.

As if in answer, the cat curls up in a corner, and starts cleaning itself, popping her head up now and then to take a look around, but mostly concentrating on the cleaning. 

"Ugh. Fine. Don't think I buy your innocent act for a second."

She rolls the cart past the stairs into the kitchen and starts putting stuff away, leaving the door open in case the cat decides of its own accord to leave.

The cat says absolutely nothing and continues washing itself. 

It looks up as she goes past each item, though, and when she gets to the milk it looks up and gives another pitiful meow. 

"Doesn't milk actually give you the shits or something? I'm not having a cat with diarrhea in my house."

The cat blinks and goes back to cleaning itself. 

None of the other foods that April are unloading are obviously edible to cats, and the one thing that everyone knows cats can have April knows they actually can't, so the cat doesn't respond to any of the rest of the items. 

When April is done putting all of the food away, the cat sighs, stretches, and pads out of the house, hopping back up onto the swing once more to rest. 

"So long, sucker!"

She closes the door behind it.

Next week, the cat is there once again, watching her leave the house with her cart as per usual. It yawns at her once she sees it, and rests its head on its arms, eyes half-open. 

"I'm onto your tricks, bud." She blocks the door with her body as she closes it, to reduce risk of cat entry.

The cat makes no effort to do anything of the sort, and indeed has never had any interest in doing such a thing. It's perfectly content to relax in its favorite spot and watch April leave on her usual errand. 

"Uh-huh. Sure. You keep telling yourself that."

Off she goes.

And the cat is still there when she comes back, yes?

It is! It glances at her occasionally as she approaches, but makes no move to do anything, and indeed isn't really paying her very much attention. She can probably sneak inside without alerting the cat at all. 

"You're a lying hooligan, don't think I don't know it."

The cat licks its own nose and continues resting without any care in the world, as cats are wont to do. 

Uh-huh. And how about when she's getting the groceries in the door? Still napping?

Nope, when the groceries are far enough into the door, that's when she hops up off the swing, and, tail high in the air, walks past April into the house, rubbing up against her leg as it does so, strolling back to the same position in the kitchen as last time. 

"And what does the food safety inspector have to say about my groceries this week?"

It's mostly the same stuff as last week, but this time she bought eggs.

The cat looks up when she takes the eggs out, and meows softly at her. Then goes back to washing itself. 

"Really?? Hold on a sec." She pulls out her phone.

Dear Google: can cats eat eggs?

Raw eggs are bad to feed to cats, but cooked eggs -- whether boiled or scrambled -- are good for cats, as long as they're cooked without butter or salt or anything but the eggs themselves, and as long as you feed the cat things in addition to the eggs, as eggs are not nutritionally complete for cats. But cooked eggs are perfectly safe for cats to eat. 

She looks back and forth a few times between phone and cat. "Well. I'm still not feeding you. Now scram."