The fact that everyone trying to get him to go to Valinor was making stupid decisions does not cause him to know any local place names besides Angband and he doesn’t want to go there. He just sighs and sits down and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes.

"You can spend as long in Lórien as you need or want, though."

Sigh. "I already haven't, thanks. Look, you're the fucking gate guard who knows where they'll have problems with me, I just got kidnapped to this plane of existence today."

"Oh, you can go most places - do you want me to pull up a map, or a list sorted by something?"

"...Sure."

That's not a very helpful reply but the Elf will guess and pull up a map of the multiverse. "I don't know if you have Allspeak yet but I can read it to you if you don't."

"I don’t know what that - hang on. Did I skip a standard introduction because I showed up visibly maimed and everyone decided to act like I came from Angband?"

"- I suppose so, usually if you'd been contacted purposefully your whole culture would be getting introduced to multiversal opportunities together."

"If there’s a place I can go for that it’s probably a better idea than the world’s worst forest."

"There's the integration office in Edda?"

"That might be good. I’m sorry I snapped at you, I guess if I had come straight here from Hell I would really have appreciated how you and everyone else have been acting."

"It's okay, I'm not upset about it. I can't teleport but I can ask for someone who does to come get you and bring you there."

"Thanks."

"Are you okay to wait twenty minutes for them to finish what they're doing?"

"Fine."

Twenty minutes later another Elf appears on the scene. "Integration office in Edda?"

Shrug. "Apparently."

The Elf takes a moment to decide if that counts, exchanges looks with the forest-guard Elf, and then pops over one hop to drop off the passenger at an Integration Office.

Okay. He'll go say hello to whoever is on duty there.

That's this horse-looking person! "Good day! What are your most urgent needs?"

He contemplates this for a moment. "I don't have any needs, literally, at all, although someone I previously spoke to wanted to argue that it counts as a need if you enjoy music and I sometimes enjoy music. Anyway, I got kidnapped here by accident and apparently they say they can't figure out how to get me back to the place I live."

"Gosh. Well, what are your most urgent wants?"

"Uh, hm. A place where I won't be pestered by people who think I should really be somewhere else and the geography is consistent from moment to moment? Some kind of... explanation of where I am and what's going on?"

"I can get you an apartment and answer most standard questions, but not knowing where you come from my explanation won't be tailored to your context, do you just want the most generic possible one?"

"I suppose saying I’m from Earth won’t help?"