"By the Elf calendar? I don't know. 3018 or something?"

"WHAT IS THAT COUNTED SINCE?"

"The end of the last war."

"I AM FROM A PLACE WHERE THERE ARE NOT ANY WARS IN PROGRESS AND HAVE NOT BEEN FOR LONGER THAN THAT. DO YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE ANY MORE DISTANT REFERENCE POINTS."

"Uh. Before that was the Second Age and that counted since the defeat of Melkor? Even in the Undying Lands I should think they've heard of that."

"I HAVE HEARD OF A DEFEAT OF MELKOR BUT IT KICKED OFF THE FIRST AGE."

"Oh. Well I think they had to defeat him again, and that started the Second Age, and the Second Age lasted 3441 years and then they started the Third and now it is 3018. Are you sure you haven't been singing for Ages."

"I AM EXTREMELY CONFIDENT IN THAT PART."

"Well. If you go back to the Undying Lands all your friends are probably still alive even if it has been seven thousand years."

"YES. AS OPPOSED TO WHAT?"

" - Men die. And then we don't go to Mandos we just stop existing."

"OH."

"Some Elves say that Eru has a plan for us but we don't really trust you about that."

"I AM SURE HE HAS A PLAN, IT'S JUST PROBABLY A REALLY STUPID PLAN AND THE PLAN MIGHT IN FACT BE THAT YOU STOP EXISTING."

She laughs. "You're a good Elf. I think the plan is that we stop existing. We get sixty, seventy Endorë years. Down south where they have Elf blood they get a hundred, hundred twenty."

"THAT IS AN INCREDIBLY STUPID PLAN. I AM GOING TO TRY TO FIX IT. DO YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW WHERE ELVES WHO FIND THE KIND OF ELF I LOOK LIKE FRIENDLY MIGHT BE."

"The secret hidden Elf cities but they're secret and hidden."

"THAT SOUNDS INCONVENIENT FOR THEIR ECONOMIES. ARE THEIR LOCATIONS KNOWN TO WITHIN SEVERAL MILES?"

"Maybe but not by me."

"DO YOU HAVE A MAP I COULD LOOK AT?"

"Sure."

It's not a very good map. It's on parchment. The tengwar look normal. There are in fact areas labelled (Elves??), three of them - one right near here in the forest, one well south of that in a different forest, and one just across the mountains.

"WHAT IF ANYTHING DO YOU KNOW ABOUT WHICH KINDS OF ELVES ARE IN THESE PLACES?"

"There's tree Elves and there's the Elves who came from the Undying Lands. You came from the Undying Lands. The tree Elves don't like the Elves who came from the Undying Lands because of the wars and the trying to rule them and taking their land and kidnapping their children and things. The Elves who came from the Undying Lands think the tree Elves are stupid. At least that's how Mannish schools teach it. This place is tree Elves, this place is tree Elves but the rulers came from the Undying Lands, this one is all Undying Lands Elves."

"OKAY. THANK YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN EXTREMELY HELPFUL. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU BEFORE I GO LOOKING FOR ELVES?"

"No, we're quite all right. I suppose you could sing an Elf song."