"You're not preventing me??? I'm going to go back here and catalogue everything meticulously later."

"Oh." He thinks. Even if she's going to come back later and do it it still feels unfair to just do things the way he wants to just because he's not preventing her from doing it? It's more efficient if they're doing it together rather than in separate pieces. But at the same time... he could see the stripper pole place? He might want to do that, but also wouldn't it be better if they come across it naturally? It would be less selfish and contrived that way. "Even... even if you come back later on your own it still doesn't seem fair that you do the things I want when we're together and the things you want to do when you're here on your own, I think." he says. Was that the right thing to say? It might not have been. 

"...the things you want? As though, somehow, you expect me not to enjoy showing you the theatre and excitedly talking about set design and where we could put the stripper pole?"

Oh well, that's a bit of foot in his mouth isn't it? Well, fuck. "I... I see what you mean," he says, dismayed, looking downwards. "But still... if you enjoy the things I want to do then I should also enjoy the things you want to do, right?" It sounds silly when he says it out loud, doesn't it. 

"???"

"I mean, you know what I mean, right?" he says, when she clearly doesn't. "If like... if you like the things I like and I don't like the things you like then we'll only do my things all the time and that's... not fair?" He's just continuing to shove his foot into his mouth. "I... I don't want to be responsible for you not being able to do things with me that you want to do." 

"I. Hmm. Okay."

She lets go of him so she can pace back and forth a bit, getting her thoughts in order.

"...I think I might really need you to understand this," she says slowly. "I think it might be really important." She turns back toward him. "What I want to do with you is have a mutually enjoyable time. If we are doing something together that I otherwise find fun, but you're not enjoying it, that's not in any sense a success at me doing things I want to do. Like—imagine if I'd gone to see the Hunger Games with you, and then afterward I'd said that I'd found the movie really upsetting and the whole time had been barely restraining myself from running out of the room crying. Would you think 'oh, my girlfriend sacrifices so nobly to make sure we do the things together that I want to do', or would you think 'what the fuck, what the fuck, never do that again, what did I do wrong to cause this, what the fuck'?"

John visibly flinches when she mentions the Hunger Games bit. He wouldn't want her to be having such an awful time!!! "I... definitely the second thing," he says. Definitely and completely the second thing. 

"Okay. I also feel this way. Please do not put me in that position."

"But..." But he can handle it? But it's what he's supposed to be doing? But... something? "But what if that leads to me only doing things I want to do and not things you want to do?" he says. 

"...what if," she says, "what if, we do things... that we both enjoy... and both want to do?"

He can see what she's saying but there's still ways this can go wrong (he can see them) and so he has to argue "but what if the only things we both want to do are things I want to do? Like, that I come up with and stuff. That... wouldn't be fair!" 

"Then we can... deal with that when it happens? And not preemptively stifle all your desires just in case???"

"I... guess? I'm just worried you'll tell me it's fine when it isn't, I guess?" Why did he say that out loud he should not have said it out loud. 

"Which would be putting you in the Bad Hunger Games Scenario, which I don't want to do to you. That's not to say I'll never ever guess wrong about what things are going to be okay, but I won't just... lie and say things are fine... when I know they're not...???"

But people do that all the time... "I... okay, if you say so," he says. "I guess... I guess it wouldn't really be like you to lie about that." It isn't. Lots of other people do, but she doesn't. She's very open with herself, all the time. 

"I think our lives will go a lot better if I just never lie to you about anything except in extreme situations where it's to save your life or something and I tell you the truth as soon as it's safe. I... would also like it if you didn't lie to me... but I'm not in control of that so I can't unilaterally decide on a policy about it."

"I'm not going to lie to you!" he says. That would be wrong! You don't lie to your girlfriend (or boyfriend, for that matter)! 

"I won't!!" he says. (Won't he? She's not making those faces for nothing. Technically... he has been lying, a little bit? Kinda? But he can't admit that, right?) 

"...John, love, if you can't know whether you're telling me the truth, I actually think that's a much more serious problem than you lying to me on purpose."

"I mean, I don't... I..." fuck. "I don't know. I don't think I'm lying to you on purpose?" is he sure though. "I mean. I don't know. I might be? I don't... I don't know what I should be saying here! I... I don't want to lie to you! Not lying to you is really important!" But also... hasn't he been, sometimes? Even if it's the little things that people lie about all the time. "I don't think it's been about anything important though? If I have been?" 

"I... do you not... I don't know how to... what do you mean, 'what I should be saying here', the question isn't what the right words are, it's what the answer actually is...???"

She's right, isn't she, he shouldn't be trying to say the right thing, but should be telling the truth? (But what even is the truth, does he even know? And more to the point, shouldn't he be saying the right thing? The thing she wants him to say? (But what even is that?)) No. The right thing to do is to be truthful. That's how boyfriends are supposed to be. "I... sorry, I'm just... I'm sorry. I don't... I don't know. I don't think I've lied." Seriously, dude? "Okay, sorry, I mean, I don't think I've lied much? I don't think it's been about anything important. I just want things to go right and not badly. And they don't necessarily feel like lies?" (lies.) "Okay, they don't... sometimes I don't realize they're lies until I've said them?" (That's better.) "I just... I don't know. I'll try to not lie to you. I want to be a good boyfriend." And a good owner, that's also important, so it's double extra important to be a good boyfriend... "So I'll try and be better. Sorry." 

"I feel like I need to ask, at this point: do you... know how... to try to be better?"