So when they come back downstairs Ruby orders mead and bread and cheese and some cuts of meat for the three of them and they sit at the bar again. There's a bard singing songs about heroic Nords back across the room from them, and Ruby elbows Onmund lightly. "He's gorgeous, isn't he?"

Onmund gives him a look. "Why are you mentioning this."

"Bards can also be pretty good sources of information. You could talk to him."

"...he's a Nord. I'm not going to flirt with him, I'm as like to be stabbed as anything else."

"I'm not saying you necessarily should. He could just be eye candy while you chat him up between songs. But you never know, bards are known to be fickle and a lot more licentious than most people..."

"Fine."

"Pay attention to his eyes, if he's into guys he will absolutely want to cop a few looks at your monster."

"My mo—oh." He flushes. "You're terrible."

"I'm very conscious of every advantage at my disposal and the fact that my boyfriend is painfully attractive and walks around with his humongous cock hanging out is one of them."

"...I'm going to need to wait a little bit before going."

"Why? ...ah. I see. Yes, one of the dangers of being mostly naked, you can't hide anything. Although I'm not sure there's any piece of garment that could hide that thing—"

"Let's stop talking about my cock."

"As you say."

She returns in short order with their drink and meals.

And Ruby picks up some innocuous topic to talk to the other two about, the weather or food or whatever. Nothing about magic, nothing about politics, a little bit of gossip from other cities.

The barmaid can't help but join in. Her job isn't the most engaging possible job and even if the three of them are wizards gossip is gossip.

Excellent.

Once they're done with their food and Onmund has some alcohol in his system, and most importantly his "monster" is no longer standing at attention—don't think about it—he gets another cup of mead and meanders over to the bard that's now singing a song about the Dragonborn.

"So, Elda, we've talked a lot about Whiterun and Dawnguard but I'm afraid I know nothing about Windhelm and I'm sure you do."

"Oh, what's there to know? All cities in Skyrim are the same."

"That is most certainly not true! Every city has its own character. If I said Markarth was the same as Winterhold you would be right to accuse me of lying through my teeth."

"You've been?"

"I have! It's beautiful, in a completely different way from Windhelm. It's set on a mountainface so many of the streets are slanted, which can get exhausting to climb, but when you're high up you can see the whole city before you."

"Oh I hope I get to visit someday, that sounds lovely..."

"Oh? Most people I meet don't really think of leaving the place where they live."