Being dead is so boring.
It is admittedly better than being stuck in contradictory oaths. That was... not good. She has pieced together that Macalaurë muat've killed her and she is glad he did that.
But wow is this ever boring. Nothing feels like anything. Even her ability to think is somehow muffled when she can't quite call to mind what sounds were, what warmth looked like, how it was to want things in her bones and fear things in the pit of her stomach and smile until her face hurt or scream till her throat burned. She had vaguely imagined she could compose music in her head but it turns out that this is infinitely more difficult without the ability to hum intervals or keep time, and it's impossible to keep minutes, let alone beats. She can sort of do lyrics, which come out like inane poetry absent melody to structure it and is rather embarrassing. There is nowhere to go and nothing to do and nobody to talk to except Mandos. So she talks to Mandos.
"Is my baby here or is she still alive? She'd be almost - how long has it been now -"