She also wants to object that she didn't actually bring up either Jesus or Aroden at all. She explained that Evelyn was a different kind of Good person than her, where Evelyn wanted to be kind to slave-children and Iomedae wanted to fight Hell, but that Evelyn's kind of being a good person was still important, and then Claudette said that smart people didn't think there were any gods, and if that counts as Iomedae being 'rude' and 'judgy' then the thing that's disallowed is far more expansive than 'bringing up religion' and includes.... any discussion of her own goals and priorities. Because her priority is in fact ending Hell, and that would be her priority even if all the gods are dead. Even if none of them ever existed. (There is abundant proof of Hell even if there are no gods; you can summon out of it.)

She's not going to say that either. When people criticize you you should listen and thank them even if their criticism is stupid; otherwise people won't bring you criticisms and you won't hear the ones that aren't stupid. But she is, actually, pretty angry at her new allies, for applying this much pressure on her to denounce the people who treated her best in this world and the god they learned to do it from.

...or maybe she's just angry that because she's a slave she can't walk away. She thinks it's mostly that. In a normal interaction with a stranger, if it got to the point of people saying they didn't like it when people were 'super religious', she'd say 'I understand, it sounds like we won't get along' and walk away. But she needs these people, so she has to try to be satisfactory to them.

...and it is not their fault she is a slave, and not their fault for telling her what she has to do to have their support. 

She wants to close her eyes and pray. That would be being 'super religious' and 'rude' and 'judgy'. She keeps her eyes open. 

"This has been very helpful but I think I need a break now, if that is okay."

Was it helpful. Emily...honestly feels like Iomedae is not acting like this is helpful. Iomedae is kind of acting like Emily just killed her dog or something. Emily...is having a bit of a time not getting mad about that, honestly, which is stupid and unhelpful and, now that she's had thirty seconds to think, she really wishes she could stop that. Taking out her own shitty childhood trauma on a kid who's probably having an even worse time of it and is still stuck in foster care is such a dick move. 

"...Okay," she says, and absorbs herself in checking her phone. 

Claudette is terrible at talking to sad people, including when the sad person is her own girlfriend. She'll....go to the bathroom. Now seems like a good time for that. 

Iomedae is going to go up to Evelyn's largest foster child bedroom and close the door behind her (she cannot lock it, because she is a slave) and -

- it's probably not 'rude' and 'judgy' to pray in private, if no one can guess that's what you're doing -

Hell, in fact, exists. Iomedae is confused about the America-planet state of information about it - it seems like more than they ought to have if they have no magic and never had any true gods, and less than they ought to have if they have active true gods - but maybe they had gods and they died, or something, that happens. 

Golarion is another plane or another world, but it exists. She and Alfirin are not, in fact, delusional.

And Hell, and Abaddon, and the Abyss exist. You can see it with spells; you can confirm it with summons. it doesn't even take powerful spells. It's not the kind of thing that distant people in Oppara have checked; it's the kind of thing people Iomedae has met and spoken to have checked. 

That matters. That is to a first approximation the only thing that matters. 

Iomedae cannot actually afford to alienate all her potential allies. But the thought process 'I cannot afford to alienate all my potential allies' isn't serving her either, it ends up making what could even be a productive relationship feel like it's happening at swordpoint. She is accustomed to Taldor's forms of coercion, which take the form of monsters in the forest and hunger, and does not prickle at being subject to them; America's coercions are more complicated and bizarre, but once she's accustomed to them she'll stop prickling at all of them, too. And she needs to speed that process up, because she's not going to succeed at concealing that she feels held-at-swordpoint, and people resent that.

Worship of Jesus is obviously legal, and even acceptable; Evelyn didn't seem to make a habit of it, but she was happy enough to do it. Iomedae has no idea how many people it will alienate. It makes sense to decide whether to worship Jesus based on how many people it will alienate. Jesus, if He exists, would understand if Iomedae chose to denounce Him in order to save more people from Hell; the kind of entity that decides to be tortured to death to save people from Hell understands that. If you don't understand that you don't become the kind of entity that decides to be tortured to death to save people from Hell. 

If her understanding of Christianity is correct, if she denounces Jesus then He cannot stand with her at judgment; He is only allowed to do that for people who ask it of Him. (She is confident, if He exists, that He'd do it for more people if He could; again, if you are the kind of entity that is willing to be tortured to death to save people from Hell, you are not withholding your protection from those who don't know to ask for it because you don't want to help them.) She's not actually that bothered by that; she's a paladin, and anyway her going to Hell isn't worse than other people going to Hell so it'd be worth it if it makes her more effective by enough to save two people. 

That settles her obligations to Jesus, then. 

What about her obligations to the people she travelled with? It feels like a betrayal of them, to denounce their god and smile and nod when people say 'they kind of suck'. She would be hurt, if one of them had been the one to betray the group and get Iomedae enslaved, and then had cheerfully gone along with claims that Iomedae was contemptible and unworthy. She wouldn't hold it against them, because they'd be a slave with very few options, but -

- but you can't let that go as far as you want. Slaves do not in fact have zero options. If nothing else they can always choose to die. Much of the way in which it is terrible to be a slave is being stripped of options; she cannot do it further, in her own head, by deciding that any dishonor is acceptable if it's done by a slave, that a slave has no obligations to any other person. 

So...she would hold it against a person in her position a little, if they denounced her for their convenience. She would not judge it as harshly as if they did it as a free person, of course, but she does believe that people have duties even as slaves, and that one of those is not to smile and nod at insults to people they know to be honorable and good, with the extent of this obligation somewhat contingent on how harshly they expect to be punished for disagreeing. But in this case, it's not that she'll be punished for disobedience, it's that she'll lose a potential ally. 

That is a reasonable price to expect her to pay. 

Claudette and Emily have had a bad time with Jesus's church, likely because they are women and want to get married and Jesus's church thinks (but doesn't know, because there are no Communes here) that you go to Hell for that. This is a frankly confusing thing for Jesus's church to believe and Iomedae should try to learn more from some other source about why it thinks that. But it makes sense, that Claudette and Emily might choose not to be allied with anyone who worships Jesus, might choose to offer insults to His faithful and see if their prospective allies smile at those, and it is not a demand of Iomedae, not anything she should prickle at, just a trade she could choose to make and is choosing not to. 

When someone asks if you want to make a trade, and you don't, the reasonable thing to do is to make a counteroffer, or to politely refuse. It is unreasonable to be angry with them for offering terms you cannot accept. If your child is dying, and a priest comes by to offer a Lesser Restoration for ten gold, and you do not have ten gold, the priest is not wronging you. If the priest offers then that you could sell the child to him for ten gold, and you decide to refuse, the priest is not wronging you. Claudette and Emily are not wronging her. 

She also does not mean to ally with them. 

She needs to avoid burning bridges for Alfirin, though. Alfirin is entitled to negotiate alliances in her own right and not have them damaged by Iomedae's own idiosyncrasies. 

She closes her eyes and bows her head.

Aroden, please hold me to Your ordinary standards for holy warriors, without allowances because I am a slave. I do not think that it would serve me to have any less expected of me. Please guide me, if the paths I am taking are not those that end the Evil afterlives. Please fight Hell, and Abaddon, and the Abyss, and give me the strength to do it myself.

Jesus, if you are a separate entity from Aroden, please consider this a request on behalf of every person in all of Creation that you go to their trial, and if that is not allowed, consider it a request from me that you go to mine, not especially because I fear Hell but because I would like to meet you and learn more about the time you went to Hell and how it went and how the next one can be improved or moved up. Please fight Hell, and Abaddon, and the Abyss, and give me the strength to do it myself if that's the kind of thing you do, and please clarify the thing about women marrying women if possible, because it seems like it might be causing a lot of people to do Evil and also not trust that you will stand beside them at judgment or that they'd want you there.  

As usual praying makes her feel better. She fixes her hair and goes back downstairs.

Emily has been stewing. And then trying not to stew, and instead trying to think about whatever the fuck just happened, and - 

- man, if you were really a teenager from another world, where gods actually exist and do epic shit like "invade and fight Hell" and "leave a magic rock that will turn other people into gods", then, one, the entire situation of being abruptly in foster care in 21st century America must be terrifying, and two, how on earth could she have been expected to know that most of the Christian churches in America hate gay people, or that the people who are loudest about their Christianity are the same people who send bomb threats to abortion clinics and refuse to bring their children to doctors?

(Iomedae is probably not literally from another world, because that's insane, but - it's probably right that she's experiencing around the same level of culture shock? And so it makes sense to think of it that way.) 

....And, ugh, if you actually really believe that abortion sends a baby's soul to - Limbo, or whatever - and means the mother goes to Hell, then that would seem pretty reasonable to object to. Emily hates it but - ugh - wow she is not actually very well equipped to give advice on this, is she. But obviously this conversation feels important and scary to Iomedae. Everything feels more important and scary when you're fifteen and have been in foster care for less than a week, and - Emily did not at all mean to say that Iomedae's illegal immigrant friends sucked. Though probably being a gay kid in the migrant camp would be awful Not. The. Point.

Emily hears Iomedae's footsteps coming down the stairs, and takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," she says, as soon as Iomedae is in view. "I was - being immature, I think, and taking my feelings out on you. Your friends sound really cool, actually, and I'm sorry ICE is evil and the US hates illegal immigrants so much. I'm not - mad at you for thinking that Jesus saving people from Hell would be good? I, uh, think a lot of people who call themselves Christians in America...sort of use it as an excuse to have horrible opinions...but that's not your fault." 

Oh. That is better than she expected this to go. It is reassuring for things to go better than she expected once; so far they have generally been going worse even as she has lowered and lowered and lowered her expectations. 

"I understand why you have problems with Jesus church," she says. "It make sense it problem for you that I not willing say I do not support it. Maybe when I know more I will be willing say that. ...I think even then I not willing to say bad things of the people who follow Jesus that I know, but maybe I learn more about them too, though it hard to learn more about them now they sended far away. I am grateful you say the things that let us figure out the things I believe different from the things people here believe."

Emily shoots a worried look at Alfirin, who has been very quiet for - a while - and, man, if she thinks back to when she was thirteen or fourteen, a tense conversation like this would be agonizing. Possibly even worse if she mostly didn't understand what was going on? 

...Is Alfirin even religious? Clearly not the same way Iomedae is, but - she seems to also believe that God exists - gods exist? - and that Hell exists in a way that - isn't how normal religious people talk about it. And honestly also isn't how fundies talk about it, and...in short, Emily is confused. It seems insane that the simplest answer here is 'they're from a parallel universe with magic', but.

- Emily feels like she's fucking up and Iomedae is judging her for it. Right. That's the main thing that's making her feel prickly and mad, and it's– wow it turns out it's incredibly obnoxious to have your therapist's opinions showing up unasked-for in your head, even if you're eighteen and your therapist isn't reporting everything you say to CPS probably.

Okay. Focus on being mature. She's the adult here.

(Iomedae clearly wants to be recognized as an adult, and, man, Emily can relate really hard and also she feels like in some ways she was more mature at twelve than Iomedae is at fifteen.)

"It's - it'd be really shitty of me to hold your being Christian against you? Or, I mean, I don't even know what you are, but you wanting to save people from Hell if Hell exists, and thinking it was pretty cool if Jesus existed and did that. It would be pretty cool!"

Shrug. "...I'm, like, probably not a good person to ask for advice on this? Because I don't think Hell - or Heaven - exist, I think people just stop existing when they die, probably. And also I'm kind of fucked up about the whole religion thing, since usually when people bring up Hell it's an excuse to tell me I suck as a human being. But, like, if Hell did exist, obviously it'd be the worst humanitarian disaster ever? And I - respect you a lot, for - that being the first thing you thought about it." 

"If people stopped existing when they die that - also - uh, worst humanitarian disaster ever. ...in America people get old and die?"

"Yep! And die for lots of other reasons, too, like - I'm sorry to bring this up, but being stabbed? It's - I guess it's a horrible tragedy but it seems hard to solve, you know, it's not like we have the elixir of youth– ...sorry, English. We don't know how to make people not die, or not get old."

"People get old and die in Taldor. I just was no sure if also like this America. Enslaving people until eighteen less cruel if they would live forever. ...In Taldor it is because Pharasma want that. This make me think Pharasma want that America also.

 I know people die of being stabbed. I would not be a holy warrior if I did not know when I take a chance of kill a person, and when this is worth doing. 

Hell also hard to solve but this no a reason to not solve it? I guess if there is no Starstone here it is harder turn into a god and fix it that way. But probably there other ways, if it is not Pharasma causing it, and if it is Pharasma causing it, then she is also sending you to afterlives."

There are multiple things going on there but - 

"- Uh, what's a 'Pharasma'?"

Oh no is that a big thing too. 

"- I should not talk about this sort of thing. I sorry. I know I started it."

"I– it's fine if you don't want to tell me, but - I assume it's a thing from your religion - I'm not going to tell Evelyn, or get mad at you for it, okay? It's just a word I don't know.

- it....kind of sounds to me like your religion has a - god, who's considered female, who - makes people age? and decides whether they go to Heaven or Hell?" 

Does that correspond to any mythology she's heard of? ...She's mostly thinking of mythology it definitely doesn't match. 

...also oops that was definitely being pushy and rude, Iomedae said she didn't want to talk about it. Ugh. There is a REASON that Emily is not herself a foster parent, isn't there. 

"I mostly think you saying true things about not saying to social worker, but I no have much reason think you saying true things about that, and there many lives I chance."

...That was pretty confusing but mostly sounds like Iomedae doesn't trust her to be right about details Heaven and Hell? Which is super fair. Emily mostly tries not to interact with either of those concepts ever. 

"Yeah. Okay. I - was trying to apologize for being mean. I think you're - clearly trying to do really good stuff? And - I don't think Evelyn will think badly of you for saying you're Christian or for liking Jesus. 

- I think you're probably missing, like, a lot of things, here? But you should learn to read and go read all of Wikipedia, it'd be stupid to trust me about it." 

"I working learn to read. I know Wikipedia. I will read it when I can."

Nod. 

...Emily is kind of out of things to say. Or, well, there are tons of things she wants to say, but none of them would be helpful. 

She is apparently going to do the really obnoxious thing her therapist does to her, and sit there quietly, not staring at Iomedae or anything but clearly not busying herself with her phone either, listening and waiting. In case there's other stuff. 

Iomedae's going to go clean the kitchen since Evelyn will be home soon and it'll be time to make dinner. 

....Claudette has wandered off to the living room to investigate the TV situation over here. 

- yeah, you know what, that's super fair. Emily will follow her over there. 

Alfirin will go help with the kitchen because after that conversation she is not going to go talk to Emily and Claudette alone. "Are you okay? That conversation seemed...bad."