"- Yeah, I mean, that's the idea?"

Emily...is not entirely sure she followed the question, actually.

"I think they're all - almost all - trying to help, they're just out of touch, or stuck following dumb CPS rules. I think it's kinda impossible for a therapist to be that helpful. if you're stuck in foster care and they're talking to your social worker, but - I had a therapist for a bit once I aged out of foster care, once she wasn't going to tattle on me to anyone, and it did help, I guess."

"...Why they want help me?"

"...I mean, not you specifically, that's kind of the whole issue? There's loads of people who - want to help, like, vulnerable kids in need, for all the obvious reasons, 'cause they're cute and rescuing people makes you feel good about yourself. The problem isn't that they're malicious, it's just that - they won't ever get it, and they're stuck following rules from a fucked-up system that super doesn't get it, and you're probably better off staying under the radar until you're eighteen." 

"When I want to help people I do not make them slave. Being made a slave is very bad for people."

"...Social workers religious? Believe afterlives?"

This conversation is bizarrely frustrating, for one that's supposed to be about her giving advice.

(....Emily is just now managing to notice that she's - kind of having emotions about this. Oops. She hadn't planned on that.) 

"...I don't think social workers are any more likely to be religious than, like, most people in America. Maybe less likely, they have to do a lot of school and usually people who've done a lot of school are less religious." 

"...I think, they say 'I want help people' but not help people how people want help - they not want help people, they want - be person who help people - I think want be person who help people because they want paradise - If not religious why they want be person who help people?"

"I...think that's a normal way for people to be? Wanting to help people is easy, doing it right when it's messy and complicated is hard." 

"I think in some ways I rather a normal owner who just want obeyed and work done for no pay and not want have the feeling they help people. Part of me feel very angry about needing to pretend the people who enslave me did a good thing when they did a very evil one."

"...I feel like you're still comparing this to, like, how things work in - Taldor, or whatever - and you're using words in ways that I'm not going to say are wrong, but it's not the normal way to talk about it? And, like, that's fine, I'm not judging, but - if you say the thing you just said to a social worker, they'll think it's really weird. ...It might be fine to say it to Evelyn? I don't know, I think the one thing I can genuinely say she's better at is - not expecting us to act all grateful like she's some heroine rescuing us."

"Evelyn is doing her best and I do not want to say things that make her sad to her. They are not safe to say to Diel, though."

"....Yeah, no, not so much. Especially not for you, if - they're going to either think you're crazy or an alien, but - in general, too." Snort. "Man, Evelyn'd probably be sad if she knew I was bad-mouthing social workers to you. But lots of things make Evelyn sad. It's a pretty fucked-up world."

"Is safe say Diel, the food is very good, I am sad I cannot work, I miss my friends who were send out of country, I obey Evelyn? I no can say I grateful be a slave, I not grateful. I no can say my life better now, my life much worse. I no can say I safer now, no can say I happy, no can say I better cared for here, all that would be a lie. ...I could say I learn more English here. That is true. Will she hit me very much if I no say anything at all? That make me much happier. I really really not like picking my words to give people wrong knowing. No when I have not and cannot clearly say we are not allies, no when they are pretending we are allies."

"...I think you can say you're sad about not being allowed to work and missing your friends, and you're grateful for learning more English. You don't have to say you're grateful. It's pretty damn obvious you aren't grateful." Shrug. "No one's gonna hit you if you just go for complete silence all the time, they just might send you to a therapist, which in some ways is even fucking worse. There was a little kid who lived with Evelyn when I was there and refused to talk for months."

Aaaaand she sort of expects Iomedae would last about ten minutes into her vow of silence before the righteous indignation about America overflowed. (Emily is finding that she likes Iomedae quite a lot.) 

"Man, I wonder what sort of social worker Diel is. There's a sort of social worker that tries really hard to pretend you're friends, and it's fucking obnoxious, right, they're even less - the kind of thing that can be your friend - than Evelyn, and Evelyn doesn't try to pretend that." She grins slightly. "Evelyn kinda gets grudges on social workers if she doesn't vibe with them, and then she might use a lot of personal discretion in what she mentions in her notes to them. ...I can try to feel her out on Diel, if you like? Obviously it's pretty awkward for you to ask if she has a grudge against your social worker, but she already knows I have a grudge against the entire concept of social workers."

"It - change how they see Alfirin, change her choices, if I no talk to social workers?"

"...You two have the same social worker?" Emily makes a face. "I mean, it'll - change what they assume is going on, but I don't actually know what the takeaway would be. She might assume you don't want to go home or ever see your family again and that's why you're not giving her anything to work with on finding them? Which will make her think it was probably abusive, and then she'll make the same assumption about Alfirin, because I bet she's assuming you're from tiny nearby villages, that's the only way it'd make sense from what she knows and I don't think you should say otherwise." 

Shrug. "Dunno if it'd change - much of how they're treating you? But, yeah, you and Alfirin are on the same team here, you should decide together how you want to talk to social workers or else they'll play you off against each other." 

"That is not honorable way to treat people," says Iomedae tiredly, because she knows by now it doesn't matter. 

And in Taldane, "I think my own inclination is to tell the social worker that I do not feel comfortable speaking with her until I am no longer in her power. But I don't want to - put what makes me feel good about myself above your safety.

I'm - scared of falling. Actually, let me break that into pieces. I know paladins can't usually make it without a holy order, and I'm not going to have one until we get back, sounds like. This is probably not a reason to just do whatever feels honorable in my heart, I'm sure someone's tried that, but it makes me wary of ignoring what feels honorable for an easier captivity. I love Aroden and this is hard enough to do with the knowledge that He knows I'm an adult and should be free to do His work, and it'll be harder to do without that, though at least then I could escape. I separately think my being a paladin is a valuable strategic resource of ours, and if I lose it I want to lose it checking whether Aroden approves of something important, not gradually through being a slave and learning the habits of slaves and learning the danger of the impulse to be anything else."

"I think you should say that to her, because you can not lie and should not almost-lie. I think they will not beat me very badly for you not talking to them. And if they do - I do not want to be beaten very badly but I also do not want to be a person they hurt to hurt you, and I do not want them to win doing that, so you should not change what you do then.

I will probably not say that, because I am not a paladin."

"I will probably change what I do if they beat you for my silence but not in the direction they want to oblige us in. 

Thank you."

"I want say Diel, I do not want to speak with her until I am freed. But I am willing to say this in a way that does not make her think I am crazy."

"...Hmm. I think if you just say that, it won't make her think you're crazy - you're probably fine as long as you don't try to convince them you have magic powers, though claiming to be personally chosen by God is a little suspicious. I think you could say it less - concerningly? 'I'm not comfortable answering questions about my childhood when you're in a position of power over me' would work, or - I mean, I wouldn't even give a reason, but you seem to care a lot about being upfront with people and I think giving the reason phrased that way won't make things worse for you or Alfirin. ...You're not gonna end up talking to Diel directly much anyway, they only have to visit every, like, six weeks, the issue is mainly that we don't know what Evelyn is telling her about you." 

"I have sayed to Evelyn already that she is honorable woman but I do not want her to understand me and it is not her job to understand me. I think it is hard for her but it is not me lying. If I talk less to her she will be sad but I believe her she will not hit us. The 'school' also say all that happen to Diel?'

"...I think less? Like, if you tell your teacher that your parents hit you or did sex things to you, or that Evelyn is treating you badly, that they have to report, and - I guess they send your grades at the end of the year? But they're not gonna be writing down the questions you ask in class, they don't have time for that shit. I guess if you ask a question that has concerning implications, they might tell Evelyn or Diel that they're worried about you? I...think you maybe don't have a good sense yet of what sorts of questions come across as really concerning." 

" - if I tell the teacher my parents hit me?"