Dear Sister Acceptance,

My wife and I can't agree on a baby name. She wants to use a name from one of the newly contacted worlds, like yours (though not "Acceptance", last I checked the list), but I think a million people are going to have the same idea and we should stick with our shortlist leftovers from the last baby. I suggested that she could give the new tote-dog an otherworldly name but she doesn't find that satisfactory, so I'm asking: how do people in your world choose names that will never collide?

- Need Kid Name

I'm missing my rock that I saw awhile ago and now there's a city there and no one knows where the cool rocks are. How would you find a pretty rock you lost?

Dear Fika, 

If your rock is in a city, it will likely be difficult to find it-- the rock may have been moved to a different location, put under a road or a building, or even crushed. Please don't worry about the rock if it was crushed. I have spoken to a geologist and he tells me that cool rocks are in fact just as cool when crushed; they're just cool in a way that it's harder to recognize without special training or equipment.

Your rock is unique and irreplaceable, and it is normal to grieve it. When you are ready, you will discover that the logos has blessed us with a nigh-infinite number of cool rocks, each unique and irreplaceable. You can love your old rock, and have space in your heart to love a new one.

With compassion, 

Sister Acceptance

Dear Sister Acceptance,

I thought I was getting better and had changed as a person but then my employee killed himself because of me. Now I think there's something fundamentally wrong with me. I don't know how to get people to forgive me; sometimes I apologize and they say they do, but it's just because they're afraid of me. I haven't even asked for forgiveness from my brother, because I don't deserve his forgiveness after all that I've done to him but I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if he doesn't forgive me. Should I move far away from everyone I've hurt and try to start anew or should I tell everyone I'm doing that and then kill myself so I can't hurt anyone else?

Dear Need Kid Name,

Unfortunately, the Teachingsphere doesn't avoid name collisions. (Three Fortitudes in my firstschool class...) The way you do things on Green seems very sensible. Ethicists are currently discussing adopting it as a teaching, although of course it will take many years for them to come to any sort of settled conclusion and until then people can name their children a common or unusual name as the logos moves them. 

It's important to come to a compromise that meets the needs of all household members. Uncommon otherworldly names don't seem that hard to find. There are dozens of contacted worlds, with many languages and cultures-- could you choose one of the more obscure ones? Another suggestion might be choosing a name with a meaning from a world that uses names with meanings, and then translating it into a euphonious language from a second world. You can have a twice-otherworldly name that no one else has used as a name before!

If you can't easily come to an agreement, consider the possibility that one or both of you has some other feeling they're not certain of. If the conflict is ongoing, both of you should spend some time quietly by yourself (without your other children!) and think through it, or perhaps journal. "I want something uncommon" might be hiding a different preference-- worry about following a trend, or a desire for a traditional name from your own culture that maybe you feel a bit ashamed of. You might also have some other feelings that the name issue has become a metonymy for, like some stress in your relationship or even mixed feelings about the contact itself. Your feelings and needs are not wrong, but if you don't know what they are you can't meet them. (Of course, all of these are equally true for your wife.) Once you understand both of your preferences more clearly, it will be easier to come to a compromise. 

With compassion, 

Sister Acceptance

Dear Sister Acceptance,

Several years back, I accepted a high-paying contract to document various phenomena on an excursion to a dangerous location. When my co-workers and I went there, our boss kidnapped us, faked our deaths, kept us at the location for much longer than we'd agreed to, and edited our employment contracts to avoid paying our families. We're finally back in civilization, but the people who brought us back figured out where we were from our boss, who turned out to have negotiated some kind of agreement to weasel out of any appropriate consequences for her actions.

Some people are planning to tell everyone unflattering facts about her, and she's going to be prevented from committing similar crimes again, but this is clearly not adequate justice. The people holding her are actively trying to keep her out of the sort of adequately unpleasant environment people like her would normally be doomed to end up in. Meanwhile, I've lost years of my life, my sister thought I was dead, and I still haven't physically recovered from my injuries.

What am I possibly supposed to do with this?

Thanks for being far enough away from this mess that it wouldn't disrupt things for me to write to you, and for reading this letter.

Sincerely,
Clarinda Kittson

Dear Sister Acceptance,

How do you decide to make good decisions instead of bad ones? How do you tell which decisions are bad and which are good? What if it's very hard? What if you don't know how? What if you don't want to?

If there are answers to those questions, how do I explain them to someone who doesn't know he needs them?

Thanks very much.

Dear Sister Acceptance,

So I thought it'd be fun to meet my alternate-universe selves, but a bunch of them are judging me for my choice of mate. In fact, some of them don't even like my use of the word "mate" instead of "partner" or "spouse," but that's the term that actually fits our relationship. True, we had arguments and she was briefly on the side of our enemy, but she was being coerced and eventually fought for us. Perhaps it's because I traveled with her longer, and got to understand her better through our sparring sessions. Should I just have all my alternate-universe selves spar with her so maybe they can understand her better?

Thanks,
Nira Tyr (Solace)

Dear Nira Tyr (Solace),

I don't understand the difference between "mate" and "partner" either, so I apologize in advance if my advice is inadequate. Have you tried researching how relationships work in your alternate-universe selves' worlds, and then writing an email in which you explain to them the differences between mateship and what they expect? You can also try inviting them to dinner with your mate; people often overcome their prejudices when they actually talk to the person they're prejudiced about. However, before the dinner, be sure to plan an escape route so you can quickly leave if things get heated and they're not treating your mate hte way she deserves. If that doesn't work, ultimately you have to live your own life.  If your relationship makes you and your mate happier and stronger, you don't have to justify it to anyone-- even your alts. 

I would not typically recommend sparring as a way to understand people better but you know yourselves best; if you think it would help it's worth a try. 

With compassion,

Sister Acceptance

Dear Sister Acceptance,

I write on my sister's behalf, for she struggles with this problem more than I, but it does still affect me.

There are, simply put, intangible entities that wish to impede the pursuit of beauty, truth, freedom and growth, upon our world.  My sister is stubbornly refusing to cede ground to them, even ground that they have salted, not even temporarily, for fear that she will not be able to reclaim it - she fears the losing outcome, in which we may well need a final redoubt as the one we presently inhabit, no matter how constrained we are by having to work within it, but I think that if we fled our residence of the moment for another abode, we would be more likely to win, long-term.

 

Is there any advice you would be able to give my sister on this matter, or to myself, such that I might be able to convince her that - it is not that she is wrong about the potential necessity of returning here, but that...she has improperly modeled what threats we face, for we will be able to secure ourselves much more firmly in a less-benighted place.

 

Sincerely,

--- Ophelia Aderiel

Dear Sister Acceptance,

I'm from the world where the thing where some people repeat across worlds happens for every birthday, and pretty much all of me are kind of sucky people.  I've been getting a lot better at being nice and good and caring about others and stuff with help from my uncle, but he's probably going to move somewhere where he can go help lots of other people and I can't come.  I've been thinking about maybe moving to the Teachingsphere, and maybe specifically to a monastery.  What should I know in order to decide?  Will it bother people if I go and try it out for a while and then leave?

- Imminent Immigrant (maybe)

Dear Imminent Immigrant, 

One thing I've learned from meeting the multiverse is that the Teachingsphere seems to have specialized in accommodating people who are kind of rubbish at being people. 

Most monasteries that aren't for a specific purpose welcome any adult who wants to live there and any person under the age of fourteen who has a supervising adult. You will receive a bed, simple food, ordinary health care, and the recreation available at the monastery. You can live there as long as you want and can leave whenever you want. Monasteries follow a daily schedule of prayer, work, meals, study, quiet time, and recreational time, but you don't have to follow it. You don't have to work to stay there,  but as monasteries are kind of boring most people do. Unskilled people often cook, clean, garden, or take care of animals. Skilled people can often work whatever job they'd have worked outside the monastery. You can live at the monastery and take a train into the city to work. 

You don't have to do anything to live at a monastery except have a weekly meeting with a spiritual director of your choice: if you don't like any of the spiritual directors at your monastery you can move, and we're working on rolling out a "tele-spiritual-direction" program with the new technology we've gotten from contacting other worlds. Spiritual directors don't have to talk about the logos; our new policies state that spiritual directors must take a religiously* neutral approach with off-worlders. They can help you figure out what you want to do with your life, how to solve your problems, and what kinds of things would make you happy. 

Things that some off-worlders find off-putting about the Teachingsphere include:

-We have strong emotions and often express them in disruptive ways. 
-We are very likely to commit unendorsed suicide.
-We have genders. 
-We do not practice monogamy.**
-We all follow the same religion.
-Children are required to attend government-run school. 
-We ban some things that off-worlders can use responsibly, such as mind-altering substances and calorie numbers, and softban others, such as caving and works which glorify poor life decisions. 
-We are one of the poorer worlds that has been contacted, and do not have access to all the amenities known to other worlds. 
-We do not have magic. 

If none of these is a dealbreaker for you, I recommend messaging a missionary organization on your world and asking to speak to an immigration monk. They will be happy to talk to you about what it's like to live in the Teachingsphere. 

With compassion, 

Sister Acceptance

*This word is a loanword from Green. 
**Also a loanword from Green. 

Cherished Sibling Acceptance,

I am apologize very much for all of my doing incorrectly of this Word Ritual. I am not a thing where words is. But it is very important the question so I am trying all very most best.

The very Most important person in the whole world is Upset! So sad is the person! So sad all of the time, every one! Sometimes also an anger, and every time also a very tired!

Many things about the most important I do not understand, because I am not a person like it. The Sibling Acceptance who is a person will maybe understand better.

It is good for the most important person to dig the plants but it does not dig the plants and the plants do not make happy. It is good for the most important to Sleep but Cannot. It is good for the most important to Alone but Cannot to that also. All of the things that are for it good it does not do, or when it does, they are not good. Instead it does the many things that are not good to it, and then is Worse. I am afraid of the dying of it, so much does it Worse. It will go out for the honorable and glorious slaughter of enemies and be too sad and then die! A very worst thing! I protect it the most, but I am not for every protecting. Some protecting I cannot do.

The most important also is very Scared. Every one of time it is scared of being seen by a scary person who can hurt it. Most unfortunate, the scared is all real true and the hurt is very much to happen if the most important does not be seen correctly. Very difficult to do the good things because of this! So many times the most important thinks of a thing to do that is good to it, and then is scared and does not the thing!

How does a person be happy and not sad when all of the good things of it are not good and it does not do them? How does a person leave away to be tired when it Cannot use the sleep for the tired leaving? How does a person put its feelings in the right places when it is not safe to make the sounds and waters of the feelings?

How does a person be okay?

I am very so ever much gratitude for your word looking and I will look at your words with the most of looking myself also.
It is me I am the best and most powerful hat.

Dear Clarinda Kittson,

I'm afraid I don't have the answer you would like.

Everyone has done wrong things. If someone has done worse things than you, it is often not because of their free choice: they were often in circumstances with no good choices, or were poorly educated so they don't know good from bad, or were born with a brain that makes doing good more difficult than yours does. Perhaps you would behave as poorly in their situation.

The purpose of reconcilement is not vengeance. To the extent that the problem is that the wrongdoer had unfortunate circumstances or a bad education, then we should try to fix that situation so they won't do wrong in the future. To the extent that the problem is the wrongdoer's free choice or the way their brain works, we should try to prevent them from doing wrong in the future-- remembering of course that the wrongdoer's freedom and joy in life also matter, and we must make reasonable tradeoffs. Of course, people often refrain from hurting others if they know that they will be punished for it, and this is a just thing to do. But a punishment which is swift and certain does not have to be harsh. 

It sounds as though your former employer is being successfully prevented from committing new crimes. If your concern is that the punishment is not harsh enough to deter future kidnappers, you should bring up your concerns with the relevant authorities. (If there is no procedure to do so, then you should arrange with a few friends to break into their offices and sit there until such a procedure is created. Punishment works!)

But if your concern is simply that you suffered, and you think that your employer should suffer an equivalent amount... where does this end? She'll say "look at how much I suffered, I am going to hurt Clarinda because she did this to me," and then you're going to hurt her because she hurt you, and next thing you know it will be rooster shit.* Better to cut things off at the source. Be as angry as you like, but don't hurt her one iota more than is just. 

With compassion, 

Sister Acceptance

*A reference to a particular historical atrocity.  

Dear Ophelia Aderiel,

I am afraid I cannot help with your problem, because the Teachingsphere has never had a war and all our knowledge of military strategy and tactics comes from LARPS and strategy games. Further, entities that wish to impede the pursuit of truth, beauty, freedom and growth on the world sound very little like a group that actually exists, and very much like a misrepresentation by their enemies of a group with legitimate grievances, so I would be unwilling to provide such advice even if I had it.

I wish you the best of luck in finding either peace with the entities or a talented tactician. 

With compassion, 

Sister Acceptance

[cw: sex and innuendo]

Dear Sis,

There's this guy I wanna fuck but he's uptight and not in the way that feels good. Too conservative and "come hither to god" to accept a bj. What should I do to get into his cold ass pants.

Dear Sister Acceptance,

How does your world deal with individuals who insist on hedonism rather than pursuit of actual meaning? How should I respond when one such individual attempts to pull me in to the spiral she's thrown herself into.

Dear Sister Acceptance,

 

...I wish I lived in your world.  It sounds much nicer than ours, if you haven't the concept of...systemic malice - or, charitably, systemic disregard - for the wellbeing of - to make a guess as what we are to them - chickens.  Unfortunately - if I try to put this in terms I think are accurate and understandable - I've seen these entities pursue paths that are - antithetical to the long-term wellbeing of people.

They will take actions to ameliorate one batch of symptoms of their actions, while by all means available sabotaging attempts to solve those symptoms' underlying causes.

This much I can myself verify.

 

I imagine this does not change your willingness to advise on that, but...it's not actually the question I had wanted answered, so if I may restate it:

My sister is terrified that letting go of the half-life we've carved out for ourselves, in what I cannot call anything other than "hostile territory" without lying, will inevitably lead to a disaster where we would wish we had stayed - clung tightly to our present abode, even if we have other options for how to proceed with our lives that would work better for our goals and means.

I want to convince her that the upside is immeasurable and the downside not 'inevitable disaster'.  We will not in fact be forever ejected from this redoubt if we leave it for a while, but - she is seemingly unshakeably convinced that this is so.

Do you have advice for how to navigate this?

--Ophelia Aderiel

Dear Mel,

If a person does not want to sleep with you you should not try to convince them. This is particularly true if the logos has spoken in their heart to tell them that having sex with you is a bad idea.

With compassion, 

Sister Acceptance