"The fuck are you doing here?" an azata asks an archon.

"I wanted to see what argument you could possibly make."

"Ahem."

"The Court is not allowed to question the motivations of attorneys as long as they make a good-faith effort towards defending the claim that the decedent is a member of their particular alignment, Boneyard v. Abyss -2362. It's good law."

"And... do you?"

"I accept Hell's argument that Tar-Baphon is Lawful and Nirvana's argument that Tar-Baphon is Good. Therefore he's Lawful Good. QED."

Eyeroll. 

The judge turns to the azata. "Are you speaking for Elysium?"

"Nirvana. I'm part of the Nirvana-Elysium Lawyer Exchange Program."

(The azata in question was a defense attorney in life. He was executed when he refused to violate attorney/client privilege upon command of the king and in order to prevent his client from committing more murders. After a hard-fought trial, he made Chaotic Good and immediately began Nirvana-lawyer training.) 

"The entire side of Good shows its typical contempt for the rules of this court--"

"Enough. We'll hear from the Abyss and Hell about the decedent's systemic alignment, and then Nirvana and"-- eyeroll-- "Heaven can"-- sigh-- "make their case for non-Evil."

"Trying to take over the world so that all mortals can be crushed under your iron fist is Lawful Evil. This is well-established-- in re Arawn 324 is merely one example."

"While the Abyss agrees that trying to take over the world is Lawful Evil, we propose that Tar-Baphon fails several of the items in the balancing test established in in re Flagg. Tar-Baphon worked with mind-controlled undead--"

"In re Arawn addresses the undead situation. Having a mind-controlled undead army is itself Neutral on the Law/Chaos axis."

"Not quite. In re Arawn presents a test: is the decedent's use of a mind-controlled undead army because they can't bear the possibility of disobedience-- Lawful-- or is it because they can't or don't want to set up the structures that would allow them to use ordinary soldiers-- Chaotic. The Abyss argues it's the latter. The decedent's use of Chaotic species such as orcs provides further evidence.

"In re Flagg points out the central issue at hand. Taking over the world is Lawful Evil if and only if the decedent attempts to establish rule of law, meaningful state capacity, a civil service, or otherwise a 'genuine state.' The decedent reliably showed no interest in establishing a genuine state. Areas he ruled continued to select their own rulers in the traditional manner, except that Tar-Baphon killed the rulers if they didn't provide tribute. His primary influence on the life of the peasants was allowing orcs and undead to maraud without consequence."  

"Pillaging was a traditional way of paying soldiers at the time, common even for Lawful Good forces like the Shining Crusade. The deliberate decision to allow his soldiers to maraud shouldn't count against Tar-Baphon's Law. Further, respect for traditional forms of governance is Lawful, Erastil v. Desna."

"The Abyss also thinks the rest of the decedent's conduct is enlightening. Hell has presented no evidence he adhered to a personal code of honor. He kept oaths when convenient and broke them when inconvenient. His pursuit of vengeance against Aroden reflects a traditionally Chaotic area of concern--"

"Vengeance against those who have wronged you is far from a Chaotic-only concern."

"The deliberate use of threats to disincentive particular behavior is Lawful. The decedent's unreasoning hatred of Aroden, in the Abyss's opinion, is Chaotic."

"This seems to me to address the main points," says the Judge. "Nirvana, you're up."

"While Nirvana doesn't disagree that much of the decedent's behavior is best construed as Evil, Nirvana believes that there are a number of mitigating factors this court should take into account when deciding the decedent's final destination."

"Come the fuck on."

Yeah, he honestly agrees here. 

"Much of the decedent's behavior-- including turning into a lich, many of his conquests, and the battles against the Shining Crusade and other adventurers attempting to kill him-- were motivated by the genuine and justifiable fear of a Chaotic Evil afterlife. Nirvana considers this to be a major mitigating factor."

Tar-Baphon remembers the moment he was first powerful enough for his alignment to be read and it came up Chaotic Evil. The sick feeling in his stomach; the flashes of everything he'd read about the Abyss through his mind, now with himself in the position of the victim; the desperate hope that maybe if he changed he could make at least the Maelstrom, but then he'd have to give up-- give up everything-- safety and power and knowledge-- but there was a way out, if he was clever and ruthless enough, he didn't have to die-- 

"Do we have to list off all the case law? Nirvana has made that argument hundreds of times and not once has the Court found it legitimate."