"No, Your Honor."

"On balance, there is significant evidence pointing in both directions for the defendant's systemic alignment. This court finds the defendant to be Neutral Evil."

"As per Pharasma v. Abaddon, -6124, the advocates for the Abyss and Hell may each make a statement to encourage the defendant to avail himself of the opportunity to choose their afterlife over Abaddon."

Nirvana's argued a thousand times for the right to argue for the merits of choosing Abaddon, and never been granted permission.

"Do you want to go to a boring-ass afterlife where you just have to listen to Asmodeus or Dispater or whoever all the time? That sounds like it would suck. Come to the Abyss, and if you beat up people well enough you'll be on top of the heap!"

"You have been presented with three options. Abaddon -- annihilation. The Abyss -- likely annihilation, and if not, an eternity surrounded by creatures like that one. Or Hell.

"If you choose Hell, and Asmodeus deems it fitting, you'll be as close as you can get to continuing your work. You'll have the chance to pursue perfection, and to advocate for those who deserve to be placed in Hell to find their rightful place. You'll have the chance to be part of something that matters, rather than being obliterated.

"The choice is yours."

"He can't promise you that, Asmodeus doesn't care what you want, he can turn you into a paving stone just because he thinks it would be funny--"

"That's out of order. But regardless, what reason would Hell have for refusing to make use of your clear and obvious talents?"

"Nirvana, that's out of order. Hell, you're also out of order, you get one statement even if Nirvana is violating procedure."

"Take that, suckers."

"That's out of order. Would literally every advocate except Axis stop flaunting the rules for no reason and let Menas Karam decide where he's going?"

He would choose Axis, if it were on offer. Irori's worshippers are tolerable; Abadar's aren't, but at least they're useful. He could probably be happy there, and -- he can't deny that any other choice carries risks.

It's not on offer, so how he feels about it is irrelevant.

The Abyss is right out. All the downsides of Abaddon, and even if he survives he'll, what, have the chance to go around bickering with demons for all eternity? It's a wonder anyone is willing to go there voluntarily.

Menas Karam is not an ignorant man; he knows that most petitioners in Hell suffer. He's sure most of the people he condemned to death would take Abaddon in a heartbeat, if it meant avoiding that. But--

--If he goes to Abaddon, that's it. Everything he's ever achieved is set in stone, and he'll never be anything more than that. In fifty years, people will barely remember him, no matter how perfect a court-assistant he was in life.

If he takes Hell's offer, at least he has a chance. He can advocate for Hell without having to pretend to care about the feelings of pathetic weaklings unable to stomach the idea of spinning evidence the way a judge wants to hear. 

Besides, Hell isn't stupid. They wouldn't waste someone as gifted as he is on being a paving stone.

"Your Honor, I accept Hell's proposition."

He's a fucking idiot but that doesn't mean he deserves what's going to happen to him.

"Very well. This concludes the trial of Menas Karam."