This post has the following content warnings:
Merrin working in Exception Handling
+ Show First Post
Total: 2626
Posts Per Page:
Permalink

Khemeth reads the update in the private subchat. 

 

...Okay, that helps. It's not exactly the kind of frame he uses to generate predictions about people, but it helps pin down the internal configuration that his mental Merrin is in right now, out of all the possible moods and attitudes and emotional states that a Merrin can inhabit. 

So. Where is Merrin at right now? 

 

...Overwhelmed, mostly, he thinks. Upset and scared and caught in the desperate internal conflict between what she wants and the uncertain vagaries of a future that may not offer them that option, but - it's not a new emotion or a new realization, and he's pretty sure it wouldn't be hitting her in this way if she were checking Kalorm's market updates from her own bed. She feels - not quiet 'at loose ends', she's in an environment that for her is packed full of affordances for actions to take. But she's moving from a lead to a backseat role, and not in a way where she has any kind of personal routine or internal code-switching ritual to smooth that over.

...Yeah, it feels like a lot of what's going on here is that she's not quite managing to reset and task-switch. Partly because the environment, full of cues laden with meaning to her, isn't leaving her with enough metacognition to focus on that mental move, and partly because, well, this is not a standard type of shift and there isn't exactly a protocol for what Merrin's responsibilities involve right now. Merrin hates uncertainty, and especially the social awkwardness element of it, Khemeth doesn't think that's in any meaningful sense what she's crying about but it's certainly going to be making her feel off-balance. 

She needs - not a distraction, exactly, but something to interrupt all the mental cycles and help her do that reset, set down enough of everything else she's tracking to actually think through how she wants tonight - and tomorrow, and the day after - to look. It needs to be something she can do in the room, or at least in the bathroom. It should ideally not be a time-consuming thing...

Permalink

Permalink

"...Dekan I think my social modeling is broken." 

Permalink

Dekan, who isn't actively contributing to anything Kalorm-related right now and has instead been tabbing between reviewing his finances and one of those untimed puzzle-exploring video games that can easily be interrupted and picked up again, glances over. "Hmm?" 

Permalink

"So I'm thinking about what supports Merrin needs to do this completely insane thing for the next week, right? And I think right now she needs to, uh, switch modes, take a step back and figure out what she needs so she can tell us, but she's in this awkward superposition of on and off-duty and doesn't have any protocol to follow for what she's supposed to do now, and she's stressed and overwhelmed and upset, so I think she'd benefit from just - having all the loops she's in right now interrupted, so she can actually implement that suggestion..." 

Permalink

"....And?" Dekan says expectantly, when Khemeth hasn't continued for a whole five seconds. 

Permalink

"And my superheated insane brain apparently thinks that what I need to do is march over there and slap her and tell her to flaming calm down and focus and do her job. My brain is very sure this will work and just thinks it might make our dynamic weird later! As though that's the thing to worry about here instead of 'Merrin never speaks to me again because I hit her for no reason'! Which! I think something is wrong with me! I mean I know it's been a long day and we're all under stress but when I'm impaired my brain doesn't usually start suggesting absurd troll plans instead of real ones!" 

Permalink

 

 

 

 

Dekan stares at him for a long moment, and then bursts out laughing. 

Permalink

Khemeth is confused and kind of hurt! He gives Dekan a wounded look. "What?" 

Permalink

Dekan flings up his hands. "First of all, only you would talk about insane troll plans like it's a weird bad thing – have you met people? Rhetorical question, you've met an order of magnitude more people than I have. Secondly. Wow. I would not have called that but now that you're drawing attention to it I'm putting 95% odds that you're right, it absolutely fits, it's just the prior is so low– ...wrongthought, not actually, someone being neurodivergent in five ways correlates positively not negatively with also being neurodivergent in a sixth way, it just feels too surreal–" 

Permalink

"Dekan, please, I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about! Can you unpack at least two steps further back on...whatever that was." 

Permalink

"Sorry." Dekan is still half-laughing and trying to suppress it. "I'm pretty sure you just noticed that Merrin is a masochist. I guess that answers my vague musings on whether you'd actually noticed on your own that masochists exist and just thought it was too self-evident and also obviously infohazardous to be worth talking about! But it sort of sounds like you were the first person to call this about Merrin despite the fact that hundreds of people have observed her with strong financial incentives to model her correctly, and also probably at least a dozen of them separately had strong financial incentives to identify masochists!" He loses control of the giggles for a few beats. "I– I'm s-sorry, this is, just, the most you thing." 

Permalink

"Wait, what's a–" Khemeth cuts off. The particular Baseline word that Dekan used actually makes it fairly etymologically obvious what it means.

(There's an abbreviated form that doesn't make its meaning self-evident, for generic infohazard-containment reasons if you wanted to mention it in a potentially-non-private location. Not that Khemeth knows this yet, obviously.)

"...That's a – why is that a thing?? How is that a thing???? I just - but - gah!" 

Permalink

Dekan is laughing too hard to speak. 

Permalink

Khemeth drags a hand over his face. "Okay. So, for some reason this is a thing, and it's infohazard-gated because– right, that's obvious, if it were common I'd have already noticed, and - yeah okay financial incentive for identifying it is also obvious... Wow. I feel like an idiot for taking this long to notice, I'm supposed to be good at people stuff." He scowls. "And somehow you know about it! Why do you know about it!" 

Permalink

Dekan is finally starting to get the giggles under control. He wipes tears from his eyes. "I mean. If you literally go ask a Keeper and have clearly figured out some of it, they do tell you." Shrug. "I was putting like 30% odds that you'd intuited it enough on your own that you didn't bother to ask anyone though I'd have hoped you'd have at least asked me about my preferences." 

Permalink

 

 

 

....Khemeth raises his eyebrows. "Well. And?" 

Permalink

Another shrug. "Not a masochist, sorry. It'd seemed like a possibility and it'd certainly have been very cool but it turns out that thinking something would be very cool doesn't make it true. Anyway. Longer conversation for later." 

Permalink

Khemeth flomps back. "...Right. Uh. Merrin. What do I...do. Even if I'm right about this, uh, thing about her, I - feel like I really shouldn't march into the room and slap her in front of everyone!" It sounds agonizingly awkward. 

Permalink

"You should not! Everyone would have so many questions and now is an exceptionally bad time for that!" 

Permalink

 Sigh. "Now is probably a terrible time to tell Merrin that she's weird in yet another highly economically valuable way, she needs to be focusing on one thing right now. And I, uh, I - am nonzero worried that she would develop a crush on me and on top of all the other reasons this is terribly awkward, it's also the case that I'm gay." He rubs his face again. "I'm...less confused, I think? I kept feeling like she needed something that would help with, uh, stress relief, and it was so frustrating that I couldn't figure out what. Unfortunately it seems unrealistic to, uh. Implement anything related to this this week when she literally can't leave my brother's hospital room." 

Permalink

"Yeah. And, uh, you should in fact talk to a Keeper about it before you go charging ahead. Not everyone who has the associated traits is sexually a masochist - and Merrin goes pretty hard on the asexual-woman gendertrope, she might manage to have the rest of that constellation and still not have any sexual interest in it." 

Permalink

"No, I actually think..."

Khemeth shakes his head. "I did not even slightly imagine at the start of this adventure that it would lead directly to speculating about Merrin's potential sex life. Feels like the universe is trolling us. I should...actually figure out if there's an intervention here that's better than the null option, or than - I don't know, sending Mom to give her a hug. ...And check that it hasn't become moot because she calmed down and figured it out on her own." He tabs back to the camera-footage screen. 

Permalink

Merrin seems calmer? She hasn't moved; she's sitting curled up in her floor chair beside Kalorm's former floormat, a couple of screens on mobile arms arranged around her to form a halfhearted barrier between her and the other medtechs' ongoing work. She's restlessly tabbing through update screens in a way that hints that she's not especially processing the contents. 

Permalink

Khemeth sighs again. 

"I think I'd better go there. I'll - tell her to take a cold shower or something in the decontamination room, that has to count as basically in Kalorm's room, and that'll give us a chance to set up a sleeping area for her - and we should ask Irris to put together some overnight stuff for her so that someone can bring that over..." 

Which means getting up. Khemeth shifts over and leans on Dekan's shoulder for a moment first. It's going to be a long night. 

Total: 2626
Posts Per Page: