"I met a couple that had gotten married and picked Bearington as their last name. They were super serious about it, too, I couldn't tell if they were playing an elaborate joke on me or not. I think they were, but they seemed so serious about it!"
"I can't say I'm not tempted to pick a hilarious last name, but I don't think I could inflict that on any kids I have."
"You'd have to get the other party to agree to it, too, I hear people who aren't even dating anyone going 'my married name is going to be Apple!' and wondering what they'll do if they fall in love with someone who hates apples, or whose first name is already Apple, or whatever."
"Apple Apple quests for True Love so that they can choose some other surname and at least half of their inappropriately fruity name will be extingished."
"They search far and wide for someone, until at last, they meet Blueberry Blueberry."
"But it turns out they don't get along very well, so instead of getting married they just tell each other about others they have met on their quest and set each other up with same."
Giggle. "Yes! And at last they both get married to other people, and work very hard to not have a hilariously punny name combination. Apple Apple will never accept the last name 'Pie.'"
"It actually turns out that Apple goes with a lot of things in a punny fashion. Apple Apple ends up yelling at the people responsible for the name, the parents, who definitely did this on purpose."
"Maybe Apple has an older sibling named Red, which is only slightly too cute! And then they ran out of ideas."
"Yes. So they went with the worst one. Moral of the story: parents, be responsible about naming your kids."
"Excellent. Write it up, magic some illustrations, we'll sell a thousand copies."
Kithabel peers around at the town. "Does this look done to you?" she asks.
She snaps her fingers at some tree branches that broke. They un-break.
"Now it does!"