And it all comes in, all in a rush, everything that doesn't seem real when he's with her--

Ester should be grateful that he chose her. All the other female camp followers agree, the ones young enough that wizards like them. He's beautiful. He doesn't like hurting women. He doesn't care what she gets up to when he's not there. He wants it to be good for her, or why else would he do the Charm Person. He feeds her every time they're together; he feeds her meat.

They're jealous, the other camp followers. She knows they spit in her food. She knows that not all the times they trip her are accidental. 

She wouldn't have wanted him without the spell, but she doesn't get a choice anyway, and it is kind of him to give her the facsimile of being wanted. 

Even if it meant that that she-- she-- opened up to him-- she thought that he would-- and she said to him-- 

Her cheeks flush red with humiliation. 

"If you decide to keep it I'll give you the bonus I'll get. I'm a career Worldwound soldier, I don't need money. And it doesn't do any good for Asmodeus if you have a kid who might be a wizard and then they go hungry and can't concentrate in class."

It occurs to him that the kid might not be his. But it might be, he's fucked her enough, and if it's someone else's they'll keep the bonus, because as Chrisor says everyone is incompetent and no one serves Our Lord with their full heart and they are all going to be burned away in the purifying fires of Hell. 

(There is a thought about his dad that he's shut down before it emerges into full consciousness.) 

"Thank you, sir."

She should be grateful. She is grateful. She wants to vomit. 

"Is there anything else you want or can I get back to work?"

"No, sir." She doesn't want to bother him. 

"I'll tell the kitchens they should give you wizard rations until you leave. Pregnant women need food."

"Thank you, sir."

She doesn't know how she'd keep the food down. 

The sex did not improve his mood nearly as much as it should. 

He doesn't want to torture people. Torture is not magic, and he wants to spend his time doing magic. When Chrisor is this pissed off at the incompetence of the world, he punishes the nearest incompetent, but since the problem is that incompetent people keep making him torture them, this is not actually a viable solution. 

Instead he studies topology with unusual viciousness until it is time to go to bed.