"Your species is the only one in the universe that has free will," the cute cat-creature repeats. "And when you make choices, it releases a small amount of energy that we are able to collect and make use of. So, would you please work through some choices for us? You can keep half the energy as a magical empowerment, for your trouble."

It flops in a posture calculated to maximize the 'squee factor'. "Please?"

"... but I've seen Puella Magi Madoka Magica. You're Kyubey. You do the whole magical-girls-and-witches thing. Or, you would have if PMMM weren't, you know, fictional."

Sarah glances around to see if anyone else has noticed her having a psychotic break in the park.

"Oh, no, Puella Magi Madoka Magica was a documentary," Kyubey responds, rolling back upright. "But we don't do that any more. It turns out that some powerful coalitions from other universes have a problem with the old method, so we negotiated this new one as part of a conditional surrender. Now we only do 100% ethical, fully-informed, consenting magical transformations!"

"I see. So you're ... not offering to pull my soul out into a gem and have me fight horrifying despair monsters?"

"Nope! Just make a few simple choices, and then leave with your new magical power. You can do whatever you want after that. This method is less efficient, except for how it doesn't get us wiped out in a costly war of attrition with terrifying extra-dimensional entities with opinions about informed consent. In that sense it's very efficient," the alien reassures her.

"Okay. Sure. Why not. Hit me."

She sits down on the park bench and leans forward, supporting herself on her knees.

"What trait would you most want to have magically amplified?" Kyubey asks. "There are three that are easier to boost, but it can be anything. What is most important to you?"

She leans back to consider.

"Hmm. It's an open-ended question. I guess I would probably say ... my creative intelligence. Is that too broad?"

"No, we can do that! The best answers here are pretty broad, because picking a narrow focus doesn't actually get you a bigger boost, in this case."

"Oh! Well, in that case maybe I should go even broader. My ... endorsed ... qualities, in full generality. Does that still work?"

Kyubey tilts its head, as though listening to something.

"Yes, we can make that work!"

"Great. What were the three options that come with potentially bigger boosts, just out of curiosity?"

"Strength, sleep, and knowledge of Microsoft Excel™," Kyubey replies, without a hint of hesitation. "Would you like to change your answer?"

"... no. Thank you."

"Alright! Next question: would you like your endorsed qualities (in full generality) to be boosted by a factor of 4, 6, 8, or 10?"

"Is this a prank show? Am I being pranked?"

"This is completely real," Kyubey assures her. It does a complicated areal flip, to demonstrate that it is not a puppet. "Your choice is vitally important to preventing the end of the universe."

"Ten. Ten times, please."

"Okay!"

It returns to its cute default resting position.

"In order to anchor the magic, you'll need a secret weakness. Do you want to anchor that weakness in your heart, spleen, liver, kidneys, or some other organ?"

"Is this where you demonstrate some horrible downside?"

"Not really. The weakness can affect the functions of your chosen organ, or it can just make that organ something of a weak point, but all that happens if you lose the organ is that you lose your empowerment, too. Oh — acceptingmagicalempowermentmaymakeyouinelligibletobecomearegisteredorgandonor. ConsultyourlocalRedCrossrepresentativeformoredetails."

"Could you repeat that?"

"Accepting a magical empowerment makes you ineligible to be a registered organ donor. That's the Red Cross's rule, not our rule. They get uncomfortable with the idea of putting your weaknesses in someone else, even if they're perfectly functional organs otherwise."

"... right. Okay. Um."

She ponders her internal organs. Unfortunately, she's had her appendix out, or this would be an easy choice.

"I want to say spleen, because who knows what that even does, but on the other hand, who knows what it does, you know? Let's say ... my gallbladder. I've never particularly liked it."

"Great! One last question. Would you like your gallbladder to be two sizes too small, pure, radioactive, temporally displaced, or secret?"