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May 26, 2022 10:21 AM
Jesusland Bruce on the honesty planet
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Her mouth drops open. "I did not know that. ...how did you know that?"

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"I thought everyone on Earth knew it. My parents probably told me first but also my teachers, and all the history books, and if you really don't know about Christ then I have to tell you but I am a terrible person to do that so hopefully you're just messing with me to cheer me up or something." If this is an undiscovered country of heathens who haven't heard the gospel why do they have ENGLISH and PHONE NUMBERS.

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" - Wow. No, I absolutely didn't know that! An omnipotent being who created the world? - I don't know what you mean about ...messing ...with ...you?"

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"Never mind that second bit, the important thing is that you have to learn about God! I'll start with the short version and answer any questions but eventually we need to contact the rest of christendom and get some good missionaries here. Uh, if it's everyone here who doesn't know and not just you, somehow. God created the universe and is perfectly good and just and loves everyone and wants us all to live forever with him in Heaven, but humans are innately sinful and can't reach Heaven on our own. So God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to Earth to live as a human and then die and then get resurrected, as a sacrifice to cleanse humanity of sin, and if you accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour and love Him then you get to go to Heaven."

Usually at this point in the missionary stories the heathens are unconvinced and there's a bunch more explaining and some metaphors and then God sends a miracle and the heathens all fall to their knees in worship, but Bruce is the worst possible missionary so probably it will be more complicated than that.

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" - wow," she says. "Shit. That's so important - I can't believe we never knew - we need to get you on the news immediately so that everyone can know!"

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Oh wow apparently the Gospel is self-evident even in the mouth of a damned kid. This is probably the moment where he's supposed to feel true faith and love and get saved himself but that doesn't appear to be happening and he doesn't have time to worry about it because he might be able to save this ENTIRE CITY from Hell and that is the thing to focus on not fucking up here!

"Yes! Definitely! Where should I go to get on the news?" Every minute he waits is a minute that someone might die unsaved aaaaaaaaaa.

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"Let's just run over there right now!! Come with me!!"

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Yes! Running! Excellent plan! He has the cardio conditioning of a potted plant but he already had a head start on adrenaline so he can move pretty fast for a few blocks before he starts gasping.

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Well it's not that many more blocks after that. 


"It's an emergency!" the girl says to the receptionist. "This boy is from another world and there's an omnipotent creator and a place called Heaven and you only can go to Heaven if you know about it! We have to tell everyone right away!"

 

"Wow! That's you that's from another world?" the receptionist asks Bruce.

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"Yes, that's me! Except I'm not sure if I'm from another world or just another continent but God is Lord of all creation so it isn't important except for how many people I need to broadcast to!"

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"I'm pretty sure if in Africa they knew this someone would have mentioned it!!" says the receptionist, and races to the elevator. "Well, come on! We have to get this on the news!"

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They definitely know this in the Africa Bruce knows about but he has already used up all the air he sucked down during the brief period of not-running so he doesn't mention it. In the elevator he sucks down some more air and tries to make himself look presentable. 

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"We're live, Amy," someone hisses at the receptionist when she enters the studio. She ignores him and charges across the room to in front of the cameras. "We have important news. Probably the most important news you'll hear in your entire life. A man is here from another world and he has some information for us." Then she blushes and turns to the newscasters. "Uh...to you."

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Bruce walks out in view of the cameras, twitchy and saucer-eyed, and tries to figure out if he's allowed to start talking or if the newscasters are going to object or what.

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"Well?" says one of the newscasters. "You're from another world?"

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"Yes, I'm from the United States of America on the planet Earth. Both of our worlds were created by God, who is perfectly good and loves everyone. . . ." He gives the thirty-second explanation of salvation again. "Do you have any questions? Do you want me to lead you in the sinner's prayer so you can accept salvation right now?"

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"Wow, young man, I have so many questions I hardly know where to start! Do we go to Heaven as soon as we say this prayer of yours? Can we come back any time we want?"

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Wow that is a really reasonable question to have when you don't know anything except his terrible explanation! "No, people only go to Heaven when they die and can't come back unless they're miraculously resurrected. And killing yourself is evil. Ignoring safety precautions is okay but you might end up injured instead of in Heaven so if you're going to be reckless be careful about it. Also everyone should be very careful not to die until they're sure they're saved because if you die without being saved you go to Hell and--it's really bad, you're just on fire all the time forever." His voice, previously a high-speed treadmill of Very Important Good News, falters a bit.

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" - wait, what? Everyone who dies without being saved goes to Hell where they're on fire, all the time, forever?"

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"Yes. That's why I had to tell you so quickly. I'm sorry nobody got to you sooner--we thought we had found everyone--we didn't know to look for you . . ." all the emotions of the last hour or possibly the last fifteen years are trying to catch up with him but he needs to NOT have emotions, he needs to stay coherent until everyone watching this broadcast is saved and there's a plan to save everyone else and then he can go cry and hate himself for crying somewhere no-one but God is watching.

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" - so my grandma, who died last year, before we knew any of this, she's - in Hell and on fire constantly?"

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Why why why why don't ask why. "As far as I know yes. I--maybe this world is different but the Bible says everyone and that definitely meant everyone on the other Earth so probably everyone here too."

Some of the missionaries whose memoirs they read in school talked about this part; they all found consolation in God's love and the opportunity to save those currently living. Bruce feels like he's floating around the ceiling watching someone else talk.

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" - is there a way to check?"

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"There are apparitions, sometimes, and prophets get visions, of both Heaven and Hell, but any given person isn't especially likely to be in any given vision. People could try praying for one? I can explain how prayer works but I shouldn't be the one trying it, I'm--it's more likely to work if someone who's a really good person who loves God does it."

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The newscasters look at each other. 

"Well, some shocking takeaways here, Jim. I don't know about you, but I'm really upset and overwhelmed."

"Me too, Cathy, me too. I guess it sounds like there are two important priorities here: getting everyone saved, and then getting to Hell and putting the fire out. Does that seem right to you, young man?"

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