...holy shit that was kinda hot?

"And other people didn't know this because..."

"Most people are not as—thorough—as I am, in studying my enemy. Even the priests. I also notice you didn't contradict me."

"It's very difficult to know what lies I gotta tell to fool someone who knows a lot more than me about what the truth really is!"

"That it is. But I can pretend, if it'd make you more comfortable. I realise this is a bit much for our first conversation right after I won twice."

"Nah, the protagonist gets to know my tragic backstory."

"Still feeling oddly flattered, still not sure what that means."

Another dismissive handwave. "Rikku told me other people would not react so well..."

"—wait hold on Rikku? Blond Al Bhed girl? Bit younger than we are, has a cranky older brother?"

"...okay if you want to know a bit of what I mean when I say protagonist, this. This is what I mean. This kind of ridiculous coincidence. How do you know her?"

"She's, ah, my cousin. On my mother's side. I haven't seen her in over a decade, but..."

"Your cousin. The first person I met in Spira just randomly happened to be your cousin."

"...coincidences happen?"

"No, no, this was no coincidence, this was—oh, I am going to guess that you know him, too—this was fucking Auron."

Zei shivers, and it has nothing to do with the water or the breeze. "That's the name of my father's guardian. He died ten years ago."

"Uh huh. —sorry, I don't mean to take this out on you. Are you sure you don't want me to just give you a blowjob? It only gets weirder from here."

—Zei cracks up. "I, uh, I'm not saying no to the blowjob but this seems kind of important?"

"Important, sure, but I doubt it's urgent."

"And giving me a blowjob is?"

"Maybe I cope with high stakes by fucking hot boys."

"You and everyone else. Well, some people don't like men, but you know what I mean."

"—no! I actually don't! It was a joke!"

"...I feel like this says something but fucked if I know what."

"...okay, you know what? Changed my mind. I feel like the narrative's had too much exposition over the last few pages and we need to space it out or the readers are gonna get bored."

"Uh... huh?"

"By which I mean, I'll tell you my tragic backstory later, maybe when we get to the boat, that's gonna be a nice uneventful narrative moment for us all so it's a good place for the denouement of this particular scene. For now, I want to actually forget where I'm from for a little bit longer."