"...I don't... think I have a boyfriend?"

"But you will," she says, still not looking at him.

"...okay! Uh, I just talked to the other Sages about vampirism and spellcasting."

"Oh, it's impossible!" she says, and giggles. "The laws of magic don't permit it."

Peter sighs. "So I've heard."

"Two magics," she continues, heedless of his disappointment, spreading her hands apart, "can't exist in one body," and she claps them together. "It doesn't fit!"

"That was one of the hypotheses I read about in the book Sage Reyes suggested, yes."

"But one magic," she then adds, bunching her hands together, "can split and multiply!" And she spreads her hands out and opens her arms wide, beaming up into the sky and then, finally, turning to look at him.

"...Sage, you are very strange, and I have no idea what you're talking about or how it is at all relevant to me."

"But you will! You will, Petey, you will—oh!" And her broomstick jerks and then shoots off into the distance as if with a mind of its own, and she holds onto it for dear life, cackling all the while.

Man. The kind of shit she says is almost so crazy it wraps all the way back up to sounding normal. Normal and cuckoo, but still.

He stuffs the broomstick into his inventory and transportalates back home before he's fallen far enough to get hurt when he lands.

The next day after work he finds her experimenting with some potion on the roof of the Magic Manor and interrupts her as soon as he spots her to ask in a wild rush, "You can duplicate people???????"

"Oh yes, Petey, I knew you'd get it!" she says, grinning widely.

"How? Why is this spell not mentioned—anywhere? How do I do it? What do I have to do????"

"It is the ultimate untamed magic! Very secret. You don't tell anyone. They need to figure it out by themselves!"

"...okay but you kinda told me though."

"No! You told you!"

"You—I only thought of it because of what you said yesterday—"

"The currents of time and thought don't run straight, Petey. They are very, very queer."

"I, you, you know what, I don't care. I need it. I need this spell. I have never needed anything more in my life—" He could have another him. The only person who's a person, if he could—could make another one of himself—could—

"Oh, Petey, you already know it. You just need a twist and a think."

"...I'm pretty sure I don't know it, the—wait, are you saying Copypasto works on people?"

"I am not saying anything, Petey! You are saying it. Now goodbye, I must finish this soup."

Soup. Okay.

"...Sage Dyer, are you a person?"

"No, of course not!"