"I don't know if I'd call it a good idea."

"I didn't say good, I said better."

"Fair enough, fair enough. Wilbur! How are you doing!"

"Great! Even better in a minute, I bet. Cheers?"

"Cheers."

The whatever-it-is tastes disgusting; he gags on it. "Eugh, this stuff is nasty."

"You said it, not me." Wilbur flops backwards onto his bed. "Why are you here?" Oops. He hadn't meant to say that.

"'Cause getting high sounded fun? Plus you're cute?"

"Not what I meant."

"Wait, you think I'm cute?"

"Was the flirting not obvious enough for you?"

"Nah. I just wanted to hear you say it again. 'Cause I'm arrogant like that. Anyway, you have, like, a boyfriend."

"That doesn't have to mean anything."

"'M not helping you cheat. Even if Schlatt sucks. Seriously, I mean, what do you even see in him."

"I like him, I like—getting to talk to everyone, you know? Anyway, he’d cheat on me with you if he had the chance, it’s only fair.”

"…This seems like a bad idea.”

"Yeah but I’ve got a fat ass and I’m good at kissing. Come onnnnnnn Wilbur.”

Yeah, okay. What if instead of talking they were kissing. What then. Wilbur thinks that maybe they should be kissing right now. He's not very coordinated about it, but he's definitely registering intent.

Then he will have a very giggly Alex reciprocating in kind! He catches Wilbur's hands when they try to get under his shirt, though. Just kissing for now.

And eventually Wilbur will break away. "--You didn't answer my question."

"About thinking you're cute? Fine, Wilbur, I think you're cute. Adorable. Like baby puppies."

"No, no, the other one. About--why you're here."

"I still don't know what you mean." Staying upright is hard. What if instead they were flopped.

Flopping's nice. He pets Alex's hair absentmindedly. "Like--in general. You're not British, you don't have to be here. And I know you think I'm stupid. You hide it pretty well but it's obvious. You think I'm going to fail and die. You think Schlatt's stupid, too, but differently. I dunno why you tolerate either of us. I wouldn't, if I were you."

"Jesus, Wilbur."

"It's true, isn't it?"