Merrin is about to die.
This is not what's supposed to be happening. It's not how today was supposed to go. She was supposed to have a DATE today. Instead she is still on a plane and the plane is crashing and it's taking all of her considerable willpower and coping strategies and hard-earned habits to do all the correct things, not that any of this is going to make the slightest difference to the outcome. For her or for anyone.
The descent changes to an uncontrolled dive and the first screams start around her and Merrin doesn't scream, because not screaming is the one challenge left that she can try to succeed at. She holds tightly to the fact that someone else will be there for her next shift - tries to believe that her parents will be all right - that the hole torn out of the world by the deaths of a planeful of people including her is vast but finite.
She doesn't scream, and there's pain, but brief, and then there's silence.
The confusing part being that she is still, apparently, conscious to experience it????