Muvaki rocks back and forth, trying to calm herself. She manages to stop sobbing, eventually.

She tries to think. It's hard. She's confused. and she's in so much pain

"I don't - I don't get why you're being nice to me," she says quietly. "What - what's in it for you."

"I like helping people!"

(People like that aren't real, they always want something)

(It has to be a trick, she just can't figure out the trick is)

(Where was she when Muvaki could have actually have been helped)

She looks away. "...Seems dumb."

Head-tilt. "If I decided not to help people, even though I wanted to, I don't think that would be very clever of me."

"No, I mean -" what does she mean? 

(It's so loud in her head. it hurts, hurts, hurts)

"...it's stupid to try and help me."

"Why?"

"Because it's a waste of time! You can't really help me, I'm broken and I've always been broken and when I die they'll keep breaking the pieces forever! And that will still happen even if you heal me or tell me that part of what's wrong is that I'm sad about having killed the people keeping me as a fucking toy-" (Her vision is swimming. It's loud loud loud and the buzzing won't stop)

(and the worst part is that some stupid part of her still wishes she could be saved)

Now Ember is crying again!!

"If I cast one of my healing spells on Soot right now, it wouldn't do anything for him, because he isn't injured. The people who are hurting the worst need someone to help them more, not less."

why is she crying augh.

She tries to ignore that, tries to focus on what Ember said, instead. She doesn't think the logic makes sense? But also - "I - your healing wouldn't do anything to a corpse, either, though, it'd be too late. I - I -" why is this so hard

"Sometimes when you're hurting very badly it can feel like nothing will ever be alright again. You might even be right that it's too late to fix some of the ways you're hurting. But you're still alive, no matter how badly you're hurting, so I don't think it's too late to fix all of them."

(can that actually be true though)

(why does it hurt to even consider)

She looks up, making eye contact for the first time since she told Ember what happened to her.

She takes in a shaky breath. "I - It hasn't seemed like things could ever be alright since I was ten years old, okay? I don't - I don't know how to -"

"What would have to be different for things to be alright?"

She tries to actually consider this.

- she breaks down sobbing. (It's worse than before. Her breathing is ragged. Her entire body shakes. Her hands are gripping her arms so hard her knuckles have turned white.)

Oh no, did she say something wrong?

...She's going to give the girl a few moments, in case that helps.

It doesn't. (If anything, she seems like she's getting worse with time?)

"—It's okay if you don't know yet. ...Would it help to pick just one thing that you wish were different?"

"...I don't want to go back," she whispers through her tears. "I don't want to go back to the army. They're going to make me, but - I don't want to." 

"...do they know you're here? Could you just... not go back?"

Thinking about this gets her to stop crying for now!

"...I gave them my name at the gate. I don't know if they'll report it to the army outpost in the city or not? But they might."

She hugs her knees. (Her arms are bleeding - she must have broken skin with her fingernails. She doesn't seem to notice.)

"Does that mean you need to leave the city? ...Do you know of anywhere else to go?"

"...I don't know, I - I don't actually know how people escape the army." She's so pathetic. (hopefully Ember will realize that soon and go away)

She bites her lip. "I don't either. ...But it doesn't sound like it was a good place for you, so I think we'd better figure out how."

She looks uncomfortable. "...My Commander was - actually really fair? She only ever had me hurt when I fucked up, and her rules didn't change without warning and weren't stupid, and she let me have night shifts when I did a good job? But - there were... other people at the fort, and -" augh, why can't she talk, what is wrong with her,

(she slaps herself irritably)

She flinches visibly!

"It sounds like your commander was trying very hard to keep people safe. But even if she only hurt you when you made a mistake, and the rest was all other people, that doesn't mean you weren't hurting."