She cries as she processes it. On some level, it's not that much of a difference, really - they only really see each other a couple times a week. But she misses knowing he's there if she wants to drop by, misses working together with him in their shared purpose even when they're miles apart, misses him. The Forest feels emptier without Zisel in it.

Bestfriend is SAD and he DOES NOT LIKE IT. Presumably he can make it better with LOTS OF LICKS AND NUZZLES.

"I love you," she whispers, face buried in his thick, comforting fur. 

She does her best to shake it off. First snowfall isn't that long. She waited longer, when she first decided to run away.

On her own, the trip to the grove where the druids meet up each summer solstice is more stressful. Zisel taught her that hernes are intelligent, vicious, and good trackers, but no faster than her, and not likely to chase them too far out of their part of the Forest. She asks the Forest for Longstrider and runs through the trees and brushes at unnatural speeds, leaving no trace of her passage. She keeps watch all night, when she's near herne territory.

She's exhausted in a way Lesser Restoration doesn't fully fix, by the time she makes it to the grove, but she's safe. She collapses onto the grass with Damisa and sleeps soundly under the stars.

GOOD chase! LOTS of running! Now zzzzzzz.

She tells the other druids that Zisel has gone adventuring, when they ask where he's gone. Some of them are a bit surprised - didn't think he seemed like the type. 

She doesn't like the gossip. She spends more time with the storm cloud halfling. They don't talk much, but it's a nice silence, watching the clouds roll across the blue sky together. 

The meetup goes on. She learns the peach-loving ranger might be coming through Zisel's territory in a few weeks. Avocet mentions offhandedly that if she's getting second-circle spells she's pretty close to being able to turn into an animal soon, which is exciting. (It is exciting, right? She should be excited about that...)

It's good for her, she thinks distantly. 

In the morning, she prepares spells with the others and then runs all day long back to her home. She makes it past the edges of herne territory without incident. She's exhausted, when she gets home, but she still wanders through her and Zisel's lands to make sure all is well before collapsing into sleep. 

Long summer days are a great excuse to not sleep or stay in one place thinking too long. She patrols her expanded territory, somewhat excessively.

She finds the ranger. Damisa and his oversized dog end up enjoying each other's company. She doesn't exactly enjoy his (she wishes he wouldn't look at her like that), but he has some interesting tidbits about how the villages nearby are faring (a good harvest, this year, but the Queen's recruiters have come around again, which is always hard).

He is WORRIED about His bestfriend. It is normal for her to sleep MUCH LESS than he does, but she has been sleeping EVEN LESS than that, only coming back to sleep LATE every day. And she smells STRESSED.

Kaitiaki is tired all the time, lately, but that's fine. She's feeding herself and she's feeding Damisa and she's making sure there aren't any problems in Zisel's lands. (Or hers. She has to make sure both are perfect.)

The weeks pass in a haze, both too slow and too fast. She's almost blindsided by RJ's arrival, though she remembers with a day to spare. She hastily cleans out the place they stay, and then makes her way to the meeting point.

RJ is excited to see Kaitiaki again, with several different things to say bouncing around in their head, but when they see her they forget all of them, because something's obviously wrong. She has massive bags under her eyes, and there's am air of quiet misery about her.

"...can I give you a hug?", they ask softly. 

She freezes like a kid caught with a hand in the cookie jar, then nods jerkily. (How did they know? She hasn't even said anything...)

RJ holds her tight, making soothing noises. 

...gosh, she's really squeezing...

(They gently ask her to ease up so they can breathe properly. She flinches and apologizes, but RJ reassures her that it's ok, both verbally and by squeezing her as hard as they can.)

Kaitiaki doesn't really say anything on the way back to their cave. (RJ gives her some worried looks, but doesn't say anything.)

They start unpacking, and she realizes she forgot to stockpile food for their visit. (stupid, stupid,)

She should catch them some fish. 

"I'll go catch us some fish," she says.

Instead, she is going to sit on the floor and stare at her hands, apparently. 

Shortfriend is here! Damisa LIKES shortfriend! They make bestfriend happy, and more importantly, they bring him TRIBUTE. Today, the tribute is a FUN FAKE PREY to BITE and BITE and BITE (a specially-ordered large animal chew toy).

...Usually, bestfriend and Damisa hunt BIG PREY when shortfriend is here. But bestfriend is NOT DOING WELL.

No matter. Damisa is MIGHTY. And also SNEAKY. Neither bestfriend or smallfriend notice him leave. 

RJ sits across from Kaitiaki (she hasn't moved from her spot on the floor) and takes one of her hands in theirs, rubbing it soothingly.

"...tell me what happened?", they ask softly. 

"Zisel is gone," she whispers. Just saying it out loud hurts, makes it feel real, but also - RJ is listening, RJ really seems to care about her, and... it helps, a surprising amount. 

...it's extremely like Kaiti to fail to notice that she hasn't provided important context in a conversation, and despite it all they do find it weirdly charming! Buuuut they really do need more info, so.

"Tell me about Zisel?", RJ asks patiently, once it's clear she's not going to get there on her own.

Their best guess is that  Zisel is druid friend she's never mentioned but was obviously consulting with, the first time RJ was here. But druids are weird, and Kaiti is weirder - for all they know, Zisel could be Damisa's mother. Or an unusually important tree. Or some kind of crucial moss.

...right. She's never - augh. 

She tells RJ her story from the beginning. How she'd been shunned by her village for her feathers and eyes and voice. How she'd decided to run away into the Forest, because they said it was full of monsters and they called her a monster, too. The year she spent preparing. Stealing from the butcher and running away in the night.

 The early weeks - living in her Tree, scavenging at the river, taking care to not get lost. Finding Damisa, moving her camp so she could nurture him back to health, learning to fish to keep him fed. The snake bite. Damisa gone after the first time she passed out from the pain, being sure she was dying alone. And then - Damisa returning with Zisel. 

...She looks around. Where is Damisa? 

Damisa is a MIGHTY HUNTER and has JUST RETURNED with FOOD for his FRIENDS.  (He's making proud noises outside the cave - when they run out to check, he's got the corpse of a freshly-killed deer balanced on his back, and licks both of them with a bloody mouth.)

...they can take a break in storytime to Prestidigitate the messy tiger clean, and carve up the deer.