Hello there, cat. How did you get in here? 

Trade-offer! 

You can have one Wish granted, in exchange for becoming a magical-girl!

Ah, it's one of these cats. 

There are probably some obvious Wishes that one ought to ask for, if they're offered Wishes, that for some reason Kal can't really think of right now. Something about maximising the long-term-total-utility as measured by the coherent-extrapolated-volition of all living-and-cryopreserved humans. There are standard phrasings in fiction.

It seems kind of dangerous to ask for a Wish like that without having the standard phrasing. Kal remembers - of course - that it's safer to request tasks be completed than outcomes be achieved, safer to not have things that sound like maximise.  

Can I have more time to think?  

She considers going to her terminal but it's very far away.

No! Limited time offer for decision-theoretic reasons! 

(The unstated decision-theoretic reasons: if Kyubey predicted that this was going to be one of the complicated Wishes, He wouldn't have offered it.)

Ah. Okay.

Well. It remains one of those cats.

Kal wishes that she was the kind of person who was on track to visibly change one of Modernity's figures-of-merit. She Wishes it, too. 

Then Kal notices, pretty quickly, that she is no longer so tired, that she's thinking clearly. She gets up, because it doesn't feel right to be so horizontal when there's not the least active desire for it.

She notices more slowly, though on the order of less than a minute, that she has a few new mental affordances, feeling now to her like a tightly clenched fist.

She doesn't notice a cat around. It left or wasn't there. Her memories of way back then, five or so minutes ago, don't feel extremely real.

She has no active desire to keep her fists clenched, and it seems to take a mild cost in effort, so she unclenches them without particularly thinking about it. There's a gradient in effort, in a way that spreads it over time.

The first changes her ring - a ring that she does not recall wearing - into a gem, and a gem affixed to her person, and a ring again. 

The second —

Kal's bed tilts vertically and she's thrown out of it onto her feet, she stumbles forwards a little bit but gains her footing quickly enough. She's naked now, previously she recalled wearing softgarments. She's running and she's 👁️📈❄️🚀. Clothes appear, white boots, white skirt, sky-blue waistcoat, the appropriate number of ribbons for the situation. She feels a distinct rightness to holding her hands ahead of her, where she can see them, where on them finally appears the sky-blue gloves of the capital power of cryopreservation.  

And she is now exactly where she was, wearing her new outfit!

The third affordance is less flashy. She has a proprioceptive sense of the relative distances between everything near her in a five-dimensional space. It's a lot of data that is easily understood, the way one easily understands their entire visual field, and the same way one can feel any tiny section of their skin being touched to quite a high resolution if you practice that.

Well.

This is unexpected, and unexpected in a direction which might possibly change things.

Her terminal isn't very far away at all. She can tell exactly where it is, even. It feels like she could use the terminal without moving physically, though the idea feels kind of uncomfortable, like pressing keys with your fists instead of your fingers.

She could provide this new information to the prediction-markets, at which point they will explain these observations in a mundane way, and this residual shred of hope will vanish, unless they don't. Ah, second reason to move physically; if she's mistaken about what's happening, typing using fingers is more robust to typing using novel non-visibly-reductive actuators.

Having a reason to move, she begins to move. She then realizes that she had not previously heard of magical-girls being real, despite it seeming like a big deal, and novel ways to convert desires into apparently-arbitrary outcomes are not, by default, a good idea to widely share. 

She remembers that Textnet is not very secure and that for actually important things you should interact in person, or with encryption that this very physical not-visibly-reductive-physics data is not yet amenable to, or on a network that is not connected physically or logically to the greater Textnet. She does the opposite of 👁️📈❄️🚀-changing-clothes, and she's back to wearing softgarments, and then she changes to warmgarments, and then she's out.

... she's back in. She doesn't actually know the way and bumbling around City 00 isn't that good a use of her time.

... alright, now she's out.

Tetratopia would love to tell you about its great scheme for ingesting and processing tips of this nature!

You see, Tetratopia faces a classic asymmetrical credibility problem, namely that 100% of people who have Theories about AI or how they're in a fictional story or how the Reals are actually countable and so on and so forth are actually mistaken in a way that sadly can not be dispelled by telling them politely how they're incorrect.

And yet having too much of the exchange happen on clearnet is a bad idea, because if true one should make sure it's only talked about in the AGI Program's internal networks and read by security-cleared personnel.

And this is expensive to evaluate, and any analyst who can reliably determine whether or not they ought to escalate also has better things to be doing.

And it's a little bit rude to make them post down a bond that funds analyst-time in cases where it's a fake tip, because persistently-mistaken people sometimes do have a lot of money they are willing to spend on this important and distressing thing, and Tetratopia can reliably steer them into getting to take it from them, and that's not really doing right by them.

Fortunately, there are a bunch of marvelous paths through Modernity's logic that have been designed in a mostly incentive-compatible way, and they do, occasionally, fire — 

but not today, because the moment Kal is not somewhere that is visible to cameras, she is somewhere else.

Kal is inside a sphere, with a diameter on the order of tens of meters. There is either nothing outside the sphere, or it blocks her new sense; she would know if it was air or dirt. She considers that she might be in space, though she feels Tet-normal gravity, though she doesn't have an intuition for how exactly decameters-radius spin gravity feels. She doesn't see anything else; it's just the sphere.

"Hello, Kal."

"Modernity doesn't know about magical-girls and you should not tell them about magical-girls."

"Kyubey doesn't want this and knows decision-theory. I also don't want this and know decision-theory."

"This should be enough. I can answer clarifying questions, if it causes you to not tell Modernity."

Immensely rude! Kal is furious!

We can guess that it benefits from Kal being disoriented and confused, because this is happening to Kal now, and not later. We can guess that this happens to most people, because there's nothing interesting about Kal that would make her distinguishably worth doing to! 

Well then. 

Kal starts pacing, and finds that is isn't a sphere with spin gravity, because it has a down direction rather than an axis of rotation. 

This just works! 

Well then. News!

She sees the tantalising puzzle dangled in front of her, of course, maybe even precisely the contours of the way she might have messed up. If you're going to present such a lovely puzzle, in which you have to derive some thing from nowhere with limited information on the first try or you lose, actually instead of doing that go away.

"What's Kyubey, what are you, where am I, why the dusk not," she rattles off, as immediate boring questions that might get her bits of information, while she continues thinking about the whole situation.