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In which Jaeha meets a ghost boy
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"I just... don't, uh.  Want it."  He runs a hand through his hair.  "I'm sorry."

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"That's fine, you can get rid of it, like I said. Or sell it, or throw it down the creek. It's a gift, it wouldn't be a very good gift if I had opinions about what you should do with it."

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"—I'm really sorry.  Thank you.  It's, uh, wonderful, I'm just—kind of an idiot.  I'm sorry."

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"You're not an idiot! ...I might be a little bit. I'm still getting used to, uh, here. America." Also with being around people who are not filthy rich, which, ha ha, he is not going to bring up at all.

He'll just smile. "Let's talk about more fun stuff. What do you like about Kite's Attending?"

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"The prose is really good.  I have an embarrassing number of passages memorized."

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"I noticed the prose. I'm honestly not sure if my English is good enough for it, but maybe that's all the more reason to practise. What's your favourite passage?"

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"...Currently or generally?"

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"Well, both, if they're different!"

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"Generally it's—there's this woman, Bera, and she's the leader of, let's summarize and say 'this group', and she has to pull off a bunch of really complex things to get people to do favors for her and her people, and there's a really high chance that she's never going to be able to pay them back, but a ton of her people will die if she doesn't get these resources.  And on multiple occasions she just does it, even though the people she's asking have really good reasons to want to use their own stuff, but she just... she gets at the heart of, of all people being worth the same, deep down, and how if you can take on a little inconvenience to save others' lives it's worth it, and... mostly it works, and she keeps most of her people alive by calling on the kindness in others, and she becomes strong enough to pay back the people who helped her and then some, and there were some people who weren't convinced to help and she still gives them enough material to build a better system so that they'll have enough going spare to help people in similar situations going forward.

"And she's just, she's the best example I know of a character who's just good, and by gooding hard enough and being smart and eloquent and convincing she saves her corner of the world and improves more of it.  Which, uh, I just think is a really beautiful idea."

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Oh.

 

 

 

Jake wants to kiss this boy.

 

 

Like he already did but.

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"And more recently, it's.  Um."

He takes a deep breath.

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"I would die for this.  A score of times—if I could—you'd see me burn, hang, drown, freeze, fall from the cliffs of Enreilda, be rent apart by Mhorang's lions.  I have been pierced by spears and spent long months recovering; I know pain.  I would take it on again, and worse; it is not foolhardy unconsideration which drives me to call on these fates.  I know what it would mean to suffer in these ways.

"I know, too, that there is no mechanism under heaven that could facilitate such a transaction.  I know that a future of safety and fellowship cannot grow in a field sown from one man's pain.  Cloth isn't transmuted from suffering and a wish that it exist; it is woven, explicably, in a process permeable to reason.  The fabric of society is much the same.  I know this, and I have wept for it, for I have seen what causes may bring about the warp of trade routes and the weft of thriving cities.

"Brother, I love you, but my death would not enrich these lands.  Yours will.  The estates which bring you peace and comfort—ah!  That I could leave them to you... please know, at this, the moment of your death: I wish for only one thing more than your stability.  It is that for all others.  Die, knowing your sacrifice is also mine."

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"—That's, uh, really different from Bera's deal, kind of the opposite really, but it's just.  I've been feeling really, um, dramatic, recently.  And it's—y'know, it's that."

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Fuck it.

He crosses the two strides of space between them, hooks an arm behind Matthew's lower back, and pulls him into a kiss.

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"Mm—"

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Is this too fast? Jake doesn't know. But the boy is responding, he's responding very positively, and objectively speaking this isn't like a record or anything, it's just...

...this tastes like Matthew's first kiss.

Ah fuck, he better not catch feelings for Jake. That would be such a mess if he did.

On the bright side, Matthew's getting his first kiss with someone who has a lot of experience kissing and is very good at it, if he does say so himself. So. Probably a win? Whatever, he'll—wait a couple of seconds, then pull away. There's a routine.

"I, uh," he says, without actually letting go. "Um."

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Yeah what if they were still hugging and therefore didn't have to look at each other's faces.  "...........Jake?"

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"Hi, Matthew."

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"Do, uh...

 

 

"Hi."

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"Do?"

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Matthew breaks away and sits down on—the floor, apparently.

"I was, uh, going to apologize for reciting something that took so long, just a really long passage, but now that seems like maybe not the thing to do, but... I can't.  Think of anything else.  To say."

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...shit, that was too fast. He kneels down on the floor, too, but doesn't try to get any closer. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have rushed, that was my fault, I pushed you past your comfort zone and that was not cash money of me."

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"What?"

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