This is literally the funniest thing that has ever happened to him.

Lan Xichen begins to rise to interrupt--

Meng Yao puts a hand on his forearm. "Shanghai is full of ridiculous people who yell a lot" is going to be part of their reputation no matter what-- they have Nie Huaisang, Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Jin Zixun-- but if there's some harmless ridiculous sex drama people will be talking about that and not about Masozi. 

He sits back down.

"And I asked! And you said yes!" 

"You said you were going to sleep with Zixuan!"

He is going to hide under the table. Why is everyone looking at him. This is the worst day of his entire life.

"--Why would you think I meant the fourteen year old I, at best, met four days ago, and not the person we both know?"

"Because OBVIOUSLY you wouldn't ask to sleep with MY ACTUAL COUSIN."

Nobody is translating all the yelling in Mandarin, and people seem really angry! Masozi is kind of terrified! Is Wei Wuxian sure he shouldn't be under the table right now. He really really really wants the angry yelling person - Jin Zixun? - to not notice him, but nudging wizards' minds is too hard and also he would get in trouble for it probably. He tries to look very small and nonthreatening instead. 

Wei Wuxian is too busy laughing to translate.

"Don't worry, Masozi," Nie Huaisang says, "Jin Zixun is just mad because Jing Yi had sex with Jin Zixuan. Nothing is wrong."

Jin Zixun is making this public of a deal over something as minor as who slept with whom? Putting aside the question of "why is anyone even sleeping with anyone yet??" Mei is pretty sure this is the sort of thing you have a private meeting about and not something you yell about in front of the entire class.

"...why wouldn't I...?" (Jin Zixun is unfortunately useful for how much of a pain he is at times.)

"Because he's my cousin! That's practically incest!"

What if he just....... flees this entire situation and spends the rest of the morning in his bedroom. That sounds reasonable. Possibly the rest of the day.

It kind of seems like something is wrong actually! This is so much shouting! Masozi is ALSO tempted to run back to his room and hide, except that he shouldn't walk there alone because someone might try to murder him, so probably actually staying where the furious shouting person is is SAFER. 

Meanwhile, on Wei Wuxian's other side, Ayako's first thought is: What if, instead of more incredibly public conflict, there were less. Has anyone considered that.

Her second thought is: Fortunately, this is not the kind of thing happening that is at all likely to affect things that are actually important— and also it can't really be construed in any way, reasonable or not, to be part of Ayako's job to deal with— but come ON.

And her third thought is: If she is very, very lucky, maybe this will mean the gossip is about Why Is Jin Zixun Like This, which will take the spotlight off of all the other things that have happened this weekend.

She has a nearly perfect straight face but is maybe smiling, just a little, as if her primary reaction were 'trying not to laugh' and not what it actually is.

Wei Wuxian steals a roll off Wen Ning's plate. "Shanghai enclave is full of ridiculous romantic drama. The order under Heaven is restored."

"Shameless."

"I don't know where you got the idea that anyone in this enclave other than you experiences the emotion of shame."

He also thinks there should be less yelling? The yelling is scary.

It is very unfortunate that he cannot simultaneously Maintain the Dignity of Chang'An And Their Ally Shanghai, express his sympathy to Jin Zixuan and 'I am so sorry I did not expect your annoyingly useful cousin to be like this,'  question how exactly it would be incest (it's not a transitive property?), and defend his own honour (such as it is.)

"And this is why clear communication about boundaries is important, otherwise innocent people get yelled at." (He is counting Jin Zixuan as innocent in this. Why on Earth would he have meant Hu Zixuan?)

(And thanks, Wei Wuxian. He feels so supported right now.)

Masozi thinks Wen Ning probably needs food, actually? And he can manage fine with a bit less, this is already, like, twice as much food as he's used to eating. He gives Wen Ning his roll. 

If Jing Yi wants sympathy for his problems they should be less funny.