Becoming a part of this system is so much more upsetting than he thought it would be, and he thought it would be very upsetting—
I free you from all of your orders - I did not realize that inspecting your magical properties would tell me your name but in retrospect I should have guessed, I'm sorry - I have not yet learned if I can change whether you are subject to this system at all -
And he finds this system deeply, powerfully horrifying, he is barely holding himself together, having this kind of power over someone makes him wish he could die. He doesn't mean to include that part but he finds himself entirely unable to separate his reaction to the system from thoughts of the system.