:....I still don't get it. How he can be - the sort of person who'd do that? And - also the sort of person who'd immediately drop everything to join your side: 

That happens for a lot of people? They fuck up, until they understand what they're looking for - until they see a way to get it -

:...Huh: 

Tran isn't sure what else to say about it, so he doesn't say anything, until a while later when he asks Ignasi for help getting back to the Guard barracks-room assigned to their party for the night. (They're all sharing one room with bunk beds; the Guard post doesn't have spare single rooms.) 

It's very dark for a little while, before the moon rises.

Yfandes is restless. She twitches her flank, then unfolds herself from the grass and stands up, with an apologetic glance at the other paladin, who may or may not be able to see her at all in the darkness. 

She paces. 

Tries to think. 

...It's still slippery and tangled and muddy, but - she has purchase on something, now. 

And she knows what guiding north star she's aiming herself toward, even if it's still very painful to think his name. 

It's quite late at this point. And Vanyel is still, apparently, asleep. 

Leareth is aware that he should also be asleep. He ran out of stamina for work half a candlemark ago. 

:- You should go get some rest: he tells Nayoki, wearily. :Tell Rovira that I need to speak with her first thing in the morning, about something very important: And to the Healer with Vanyel, :- wake me if he wakes up and asks for me, all right?: 

And he troops off to get some sleep. 

Nayoki swings by the shrine-room to convey this message to Rovira, and then she, too, heads off to bed. 

Emril shifts to a more comfortable position in the chair, props her feet up, and starts reading a book. 

"Herald Vanyel?"

It sounds like someone is whispering in his ear, but there's no one around. 

Vanyel has been drifting, halfway awake, for a while. It didn't seem like there was anything anyone needed from him urgently, and he's honestly grateful and appreciative for that state of affairs. 

- he twitches. Opens his eyes. ...Extends Thoughtsensing. 

She's around the corner, invisible, and doing some kind of additional shielding but she's also trying to reach through it at him. The result doesn't quite ...work...but it at least leaves her possible for his Thoughtsensing to find. 

She's using the spell Message for whispers, and using a mirror to check if Emril seems to have noticed anything.

(Emril is checking Vanyel every so often with Healing-Sight, but she's on the lookout for any sign that his condition is deteriorating or that he's trying to harm himself, and is very much not on alert for invisible shielded people hiding around corners using spells to convey whispers. She doesn't have mage-sight and so has no particular way to notice the spell in use.) 

...That's very weird? He thinks he recognizes the voice, though. 

Vanyel tries reaching out with Mindspeech. :Carissa? Is that you - what are you doing here -?: 

Earlier today Leareth Mindspoke everyone in range because you'd tried to kill yourself and he urgently wanted Healers.

....This is mortifying! Aaaaugh! It's not at all surprising, of course Leareth would do that, but Vanyel is so embarrassed! 

:...And?: 

Do you actually want to die?

:- Um: Whyyyyyyy is she asking him that question this is so awkward. :I - kind of want to but I don't think I should?: 

Well, I can't help you with that, I'm not a therapist. But if you want to die I can stop them from stopping you, since it's none of their fucking business.

:......Er. Why do you - care? - You do realize that probably Leareth would be really mad at you?:

Yes, this has occurred to me. I'm pretty sure he won't kill me but if you think that's wrong then you can Gate me out first, I've got a plan for that.

:I don't think he would kill you but it seems like it might mess up a lot of your plans and things if Leareth is furious with you! ...Also I thought your entire thing was that you think altruistically helping other people is dumb: 

Good is dumb. And part of Good being dumb is - you deciding I shouldn't get to go to Hell - and part of it is paladins deciding you shouldn't get to die, if you want to. It's the stupidest fucking thing I can imagine anyone ever wanting and you're wrong and an idiot but you get to pursue your dumb wrong interests if you'd like, that's only fair. 

...All right, that sounds incredibly thorny - what is even going on in her HEAD, he's somehow simultaneously appalled and very curious and also wants to run far away - but it's...sort of sweet of her? In a very messed-up disturbing way? 

:I, er - I don't think I want help with that right now. Iomedae said my Companion will - figure out the problem and come back. Probably. In a day. So...I'm going to try to hold out that long: 

Cool, have a nice night. And she stands up and heads off.

That was so uncomfortable! Vanyel has no idea what to do about it! 

After a little while, he rolls over in bed and clears his throat.