"Teenage girls these days get all kinds of advice on not getting assaulted by guys."

"Isn't this one a girl?"

"Yeah, but I assume the same stalking-related principles apply."

"...well, what's the advice?"

"Call the police. Not super applicable in this case. The stuff I'm thinking of as applying is less the what to do and more the not-victim-blaming stuff."

"Hm?"

"Like, the fact that you have a stalker doesn't mean that you encouraged them or did anything wrong to make them decide to stalk you, stalkers can pick anyone as a target for any reason."

"...that doesn't seem like advice. It seems sort of like the opposite of advice, if there's nothing to be done."

"The advice is to not make things worse when a stalking situation already exists by assuming someone must have fucked up when they didn't."

"All right. Well, thank you for not assuming I have done wrong, apart from the part where I already told you that I have been known to do so very badly."

"Just because you did one thing wrong doesn't mean you did any given other thing wrong. And I think probably if this were related to that she wouldn't be giving you fifty thousand bucks. Admittedly that is not usual stalker behavior."

"No? What do they usually do?"

"...It probably depends on the stalker, but like, the kidnapping is consistent, and so is the tracking people down without their consent...I've heard about stalkers taking illicit pictures and stealing underwear."

"Well. With fifty thousand dollars I can probably afford new underwear."

"Hmm." She opens her phone and looks something up. "The Internet says on a first pass that the most dangerous kind of stalking is intimate partner stalking and that one of the greatest dangers of being stalked is psychological disturbance from fear, so... don't date her unless she promises to stop stalking you, probably. But if you want to get in touch with her I can give you her user name on the site I met her."

"I have never dated anyone!"

"Then I assume you're less likely to be intimate partner stalked! She's noon9834 on swordchicks dot com. Do with that as you will."

"I do not have, uh, a great up to date understanding of the internet."

"...Oh. Uh, what do you want to know? When was the last time you acquired any internetformation?"

"A librarian has helped me use some job posting sites? Mostly Craigslist."

"Okay, do you want to go to a library and I can show you stuff?"

"It might be I should buy a phone first thing."

"That is possible. Do you know where a phone store is or should I look one up."

"I know where to find one. I don't know if it's a particularly good phone store, of course."

"Which kind is it?"