A sigh. "You've said so." 

How is he even supposed to respond to that. What are his stupid feelings even about, he - doesn't, actually, have any good reason to be sad about Leareth's plight. Scared, sure, he sort of thinks the Heralds should be a lot MORE scared than they are... 

Lancir isn't going to let him go until he says words about his emotions, though. And, from the outside, this is pretty reasonable of him, given that he slept about four candlemarks last night due to stupid pointless emotions.

"...He didn't hurt Shavri. She...said she liked him." 

A raised eyebrow. "It would have been rather shortsighted of him to do anything unpleasant to the Healer trying to save his life." 

"Right, of course, just, I mean..." Talking to Lancir about Leareth always makes Vanyel feel like he's wrong about something fundamental but can't quite track down what. "He's not a monster. He's just - someone who tries to do the thing that works?"

Except sometimes the goal he wants to accomplish is conquering a country, and sometimes the way he chooses to do that is by killing or kidnapping mages, and one thing leads to another and suddenly he's hired an evil bloodpath mage and set off a chain of events that leads to a Herald-Mage trainee dying in a blaze of blue white fire - 

(Focus. Breathe.) 

"He was trying to talk to it. The alien." 

"Which may not have been very smart of him! Not to mention the part where he was, what, trying to appease it into not killing him by giving it livestock to murder instead?" 

After a long time, Vanyel finally manages to find words again. 

"...I wish I could talk to him again. Which is stupid." 

"I don't think it's stupid at all. You've learned a great deal from the man. He's - treated you with far more respect than he might have." 

"I - I remember what he said to me the first time we spoke - when I said I had to try to stop him, and he said..." 

Memories, echoing back across years, the ghost of a man's voice. 

I would not expect anything less of a Herald.

"You have a forgiving heart, Vanyel." 

Gaaaaah for some reason it's incredibly frustrating when Lancir says things like that, even when they ought to be nice things. 

"I don't know. Do I? I told him I'd kill him, last time we talked. I...said I would make it hurt..." 

Memories, unwanted:

You loved him.

More than someone like you could ever understand, Vanyel remembers snarling back at him. Do you have anything to say for yourself?

And that thoughtful, calculating look in the man's still black eyes. Re-evaluating. 

There is nothing to say. Except this, Herald of Valdemar. The world has not changed. There are still children starving on the streets of your capital city, and I still intend that to stop. I will not give up, now or ever. I will let nothing deter me.

Still. Your Tylendel was a light in the world, as are all people, and I am sorry to have caused you pain.

"It's all right for it to hurt." 

What is that even supposed to mean? Why does Lancir always say it like he expects it to help somehow. 

That night, the Moon still isn't noticeably different.

Or the next night, or the night after that one– Well. Probably? Kilchas can't tell if he's just imagining what might be some sort of faint change in its brightness. 

The Heralds have meetings. They worry. There...isn't that much else they can do about the situation, really. 

Shavri and Vanyel - don't quite, really, manage to talk about Leareth. They sidle around the topic like shy cats avoiding furniture in a stuffy living room. This makes conversation in general awkward for a little while, but they're close friends and have been for years and this (mostly) passes. 

Life goes on, apparently. Even when this feels absurd and insane and like everything since the moment she ran toward that field has been a neverending dream that she won't ever escape. 

A fortnight later, at which point Kilchas is almost certain that the Moon has a new area that's faintly less bright or reflective than it ought to be, Shavri is out having a picnic with Randi and Van and her baby daughter when they hear the Death Bell ring. 

Randi goes rigid. 

And, an endless five beats or so later... 

:Darvi: 

:Oh:

Shavri isn't sure what to say. Whether there's anything one can possibly say, when something this - 

something this - 

- there isn't a word for what it is, and there isn't a word for the look in Randi's eyes, and all she can do is reach out and hold him. 

Jaysen comes out a while later. Not meeting either of their eyes. With the heir's formal circlet (that no one ever, actually, wears) in between his hands. 

He says some words. Probably. Shavri isn't really processing things right now. 

That night, yet again, Vanyel finds himself pacing alone in the darkness by the river. Looking up at a baleful crescent moon. 

It wasn't Leareth. It can't have been Leareth. He's in space. Maybe above them right now... Maybe not. He wanted, apparently, to go to another world entirely. Fix its problems.

Savil seems to think this is a huge relief. He'll die of it over there and we'll never need to deal with him again. 

Vanyel is pretty sure that this analysis is missing something critical but he still hasn't found a way to complete that thought, much less put it into words. 

Night after night - with a couple of nights off for the new moon - Kilchas watches the sky. 

He kind of resents this, honestly. Astronomy was his peaceful hobby. The one part of his life that war and kingdom-sized stakes could never touch.