"Oh." 

Vanyel sits down on the formless white surface, hugging his knees to his chest. 

"That was so stupid. I wish - I didn't apologize, I didn't - I could have left a note - they're all going to...blame themselves...it'll be such a mess..."

He puts his head down on his knees. "I'm sorry." Not addressed to the Shadow-Lover. The people who deserve his apologies aren't here and he might never be able to speak to them again. 

"- It is, still, your choice. There is information you must have, to make it. Are you ready to hear it?" 

Not much of a choice. Stop existing, or - what, go back and, in addition to being in pain forever, be approximately useless for all purposes other than letting his Companion survive the consequences of his stupid mistake? 

"Yes," he says tonelessly. 

"This time, there are more than two choices." 

"There– what? How?" 

"- I do not fully see it, and what I do see, I cannot fully explain to a mortal mind. But...the situation has changed." 

"Cam. Of course." 

He doesn't even have wild guesses at what 'new path' Cam's arrival could offer. Maybe Cam can...bring him back using advanced technology, later? 

He's not sure it matters. All information is worth having, this is information, and - and taking that third path, the new option, would be even more information. He wants to know; he wants Valdemar to know; maybe it's not too late for his idiotic mistake to buy them something meaningful. 

"How do each of the paths affect Valdemar?" 

"It is hard to say. The future is less certain, now. Events are occurring very quickly, and - other Powers are at work to bend it to Their own ends. Yet, I think perhaps They do not see as far as I/we do." 

(It's very odd, it's not clear what word he's saying, there, it's both at once and somehow still sounds like ordinary speech.)

He needs to focus. Think. This could be incredibly important - he tries to remember their past conversation but he didn't exactly have a chance to take detailed notes on it - 

"...Right. So– oh. The Star-Eyed Goddess - doesn't like Leareth. Doesn't want him to get what he wants. And now Cam's his summoner and they're going to talk and - and Leareth knows Cam won't help him if he murders or mind-controls people to get what he wants. And Cam's help is worth more than being able to do those things, probably, so he'll cooperate... He wants to fight the gods and Cam isn't going to be that inclined to argue with that, given, well..." He gestures vaguely at nothing in particular. 

It seems really unfair that this is the first time he's gotten a chance to actually think through the implications of recent events, and at this point he has no way of communicating his insights or conclusions to anyone who could actually DO something with that. ...Oh and also none of his friends trust him anymore–

Oh. 

"Damn. The Star-Eyed...might've wanted that. For it to come out the way it did, I mean, all in a huge mess - and when Cam wasn't there to notice or intervene or even explain himself... And Cam is, he's good and he's trying really hard but he's not - accommodating the way Heralds think, much? I don't know how that conversation went but I bet it was a mess too. The Star-Eyed - might've wanted that. Just to - push the Heralds to break with Cam over it? I don't know. I don't know how that even helps with getting Leareth not to fight Her and Vkandis or whatever..." 

The Shadow-Lover listens, patiently. 

He doesn't say anything. Somehow it manages to feel like a very informative silence. 

"- You knew. You - She has power here, the Heartstone - but you have power here as well. I - does it even make sense to ask which of you nudged for it? I guess maybe not. But...gods. The way it came out, with Taver - when Yfandes was gone - and when I didn't, when I didn't...see any reason I was still indispensable..." Shrug. "I'm not sure there's any way it could've gone worse." 

It's belatedly occurring to him that he still has no idea whether to trust the Shadow-Lover and the god behind that facade. 

It's just...hard not to. When he feels like he's gone so, so far past losing everything he has to lose. 

He shakes his head. "So...I have to conclude one of you wanted me to kill myself. - To try to. And...you're the one who gets to steer what I do with that. Whether I take this - new path, whatever it is." 

Blue eyes twinkle in a shadowed face. Amused, fond. "Herald Vanyel, you have never been easy to steer. Even when you wish not to, you try very hard to seize the reins for yourself." 

There's no graceful answer to that so Vanyel doesn't bother. 

"You know. I'd be within my rights to be pretty angry with you over that, I think. Either way. No matter how this plays out, it's going to be a mess, and I– fine, I was an idiot, but...predictably, you know. Hard to blame myself for it. Hard to blame anyone, for - how they handled this - there was so much strain on everything, everyone... But you can see it from the outside, can't you. The whole shape of it. You could have done something else." 

"...I think that perhaps you are granting me more capabilities than I truly possess, Herald Vanyel. And - more understanding than I/we possess, of what it means to be mortal." 

Yelling felt good, even when he can't really feel the anger he's sure is justified, but - it won't fix any of their problems. Not really. 

"So I'm pretty sure you want to steer me to this - third path. Whatever it is. You don't know what it is either. Why do you care? What's in it for you?" 

...Oops. That came out more confrontational than he meant it to. Vanyel doesn't feel like apologizing or retracting it, though. 

"It is not clear. And - it is important for you to know this - I think that in all scenarios, Valdemar will most likely endure. The world is brighter, now, than it was before. Some more potential paths to destruction have been blocked. ...But, yes, that path is the widest." 

"The 'widest'. What does that mean? It's a metaphor, I'm assuming, but a metaphor for what?" 

No answer. 

However satisfying it would be to yell some more - a lot more - Vanyel doesn't. It wouldn't help. 

"Thank you for the information," he says tightly. "If you have anything else to say, say it. Otherwise, I need some time to think." 

On the side of a riverbank back in the ordinary material world of Velgarth, Shavri barely manages not to shriek in delight. (She's not six, after all.) 

"Got it! Got it got it got it! - Andy do not lose that link, give him all the energy you can - we need more people here, where's Gemma - Savil can you hop in the meld–" 

She pauses very briefly to catch her breath. 

"- Cam we've got his heart beating and I think maybe it'll stick this time. Andy got a link. We'll have more Healers here soon. Is there anything else we should do." 

She still can't feel anything there with Thoughtsensing. Not even the still empty pool of someone deeply comatose. Just - nothing. To her Mindspeech, he might as well be a rock. 

But there's a knot of semi-organized life-force now, held together by her ongoing delicate efforts and Andy's energy-link, and...maybe that's enough. Maybe they just need to give it a little longer. 

"I've got most of the drugs cleared out - can you do anything for his brain -"

"I - what - I don't see anything obviously wrong? Doesn't look like he hit his head or anything. ...Andy is he still not breathing can you please do something about that–" 

"I'm trying! His lungs are really messed up from the water - this isn't really working, I don't know how to -" 

Shavri didn't mean that, exactly. It's more that - but this is something she's personally Looked at a lot, and not something she's studied officially - it's that the organization in a person's life-force is made of thousands of loops, control-loops of some kind. A heartbeat is only one of them. That one is mostly holding itself steady at this point - it still needs a lot of nudging, but that's to be expected for anyone whose body is under huge strain - 

- but there are other loops that should be re-forming, now that Andy is able to hold a link and pour energy into Vanyel. And they just - aren't. There should be a loop there where his body tells itself 'breathe now' and it isn't doing that and she doesn't know why not or what's wrong. 

She waits for Cam to answer.