Theo's temple is not far from the Qatada Nessudidia. So when it suddenly bursts into a frenzy of panicking Asmodean priests shouting nonsense about an invasion, Tibex wakes him by pounding on his door.
He's bleary-eyed when he says, "I'm going to assume from the volume that you have a good reason so skip to that and maybe it will wake me up."
"The priesthood says Egorian is being invaded. An army, out of nowhere, coming out of Gates. Supposedly by Aroden, though no one believes that."
He blinks. Narrows his eyes.
"If this is a prank, I may actually smack you."
"...I'm not sure I'd fault you. For stupidity, if nothing else, this would be a terrible lie."
"Janina would even if you didn't. But- An army, invading Egorian without passing through Westcrown, which is possible but ridiculous. Led by Aroden, which is impossible. Traveling, in proper army strength, through Gates, plural, which is not quite impossible but there's maybe a dozen people in the Inner Sea who could do it. Did I hear all that correctly?"
"I might have heard the plural Gates part wrong. But, yes, that's what I think I heard. The priesthood seems panicked."
"How long has that been going?"
"Most of an hour before we took enough notice to step outside and listen. Less than two."
"...okay. Then it will keep enough for me to pray for spells and then investigate. Lock up the temple, please."
"Already barred the door."
"Good man. Talk to you again in a half-hour."
Most of his wizard spells go unused on most days, so other than prepping disguise self he leaves them as they are. He has thought through a good set of cleric spells to pray for if he ever needs to flee the country, because he knows perfectly well that his welcome is conditional and might vanish when the queen or Most High Priestess changes or he annoys the wrong person, and goes with those rather than work out a slightly more tailored suite.
Lady Erecura, please guide your hubristic son as he tries to understand what is throwing his city - and probably country - into chaos. And, if you can, to help others of Cheliax thrive in these new and harsh circumstances.
Thank you.
Amen.
A loyal person's move would be to ask the Asmodeans if there was any way he could help. But actually he is not all that sure he wants them to win, and he's adequately protected from detect thoughts, so...
"Tibex. Get your family and hole up in my rooms."
"Sir?"
"Don't 'sir' me, my friend. If there's an invasion and it's half as well-prepared as it sounds, the servant's quarters might not be safe. You have my spare room key, keep yourselves safe while I'm out finding out what the damn is going on."
"Theopho... this is above and beyond."
"I know. You don't have to take the offer, but I'd rather you did."
Tibex spontaneously gave him a hug, which he returns with a grin. It's still rare that Tibex actually feels safe to drop the deference enough to initiate a display of affection.
"Stay safe, Theo."
"That's priority number two, don't worry."
He uses alter self.
A handful of wizards are gathered in the municipal operations building near the Qatada, all of them scrying; priests bustle in and out, some casting sending while there.
Theo snatches a glance at the army through one of the glasses and does a double take. Those are Rahadoum soldiers.
...He is very glad of his alter self.
He ducks into a conference room on an upper floor that is usually, this time of day, booked for a meeting that no one attends, and definitely won't attend when there is a crisis ongoing. Casts clairvoyance on the scrying room.
A third of the army is Rahadoumi, but the rest look very foreign. They sure are using Gates - dropping them and erecting new ones every few minutes, as far as he can see.
He's still considering what to do in the face of this completely ridiculous and impossible invasion when the wizard's room switches to panic. There are shouts outside.
It transpires that the army has now moved on Westcrown.
...
While he still can't really process What The Fuck, he manages to conclude that 'inside a government operations building' is a bad place to be. Time for a D-Door. There's a tavern which probably has an attic... port. It does, good.
He registers the feeling that the invasion is going to win, probably handily.
He then registers that this is just a gut feeling and he should not trust it.
This counter-point is cogent, sensible, and almost completely ignored.
He goes looking for, first, a Rahadoumi part of the force with obvious spell support, and, second, a white flag.
This is probably a terrible idea. It might even get him kicked out of Erecura's priesthood.
...He's doing it anyway.
He finds a squad. The difficult part of that is mostly 'not getting sniped', since looking down on them is pretty hostile.
He ports down to an alley and walks out with the flag up.
"Hello! Do you happen to have anyone from the Occularium with you? I'm willing to turn to your side either way but you probably won't believe me if you don't have one."
What. Who the fuck is this?
One of the weird foreign mages calls for either a Rahadoum wizard or a good Thoughtsenser.
They get the former and an :Appears genuine, but well-shielded: from the latter - probably the Groveborn they have on their side (that's still so weird).
The wizard is well-shielded by the mages.
"Who are you and why do you want someone from the Occularium?"
"Because they'd probably be a former colleague! My current name is Theopho Lebanel of the Runes, but I was known as Theopho Rahadi for many years. I wrote a prospectus on methods of seeking immortality before and after the Elixir, and was most of the way through a treatise on lichdom when I had to leave the country. Both funded by the Occularium."
There's silence, and then whispers. The mages step aside slightly for the wizard to look out at him more directly.
"Detect magic."
Theo already had dropped alter self. He drops his other active effects as well.
It's about ten seconds.
"...It's really him. Theopho, let's talk. Away from the battle lines."
"I don't have any good locations to suggest, unless you've cleared the courtyard by the Qatada, where my temple is."
One of the soldiers buts in, "There's an empty bar three streets back from here. Tailor and Greenwood, south corner."
The wizard nods, "That should do. We'll leave you to it."
"My apologies, but I don't recognize you."
"None needed. You were one of my professors, briefly, but for theory of conjurations."
"Ah, a big class. Yes, that would do it."
"...Here we are. Wow, they left in a hurry. Well-informed?"
"Suspiciously. But to what I can do for you: I'm an empowered priest of Erecura, and non-evil, which means I can do battlefield healing. I'm a fourth-circle wizard and third-circle priest, but today I chose spells for 'flee the country' because it seemed like I might need it, and I'm no good as a fighter. I'm consulted for advice by locally-important people, but not all that trusted and I am not willing to betray the confidence lightly, so most of what I can get you is personality assessments, which it doesn't look like you really need."
"Not really, no. We have some very powerful mindreaders. Did you hear the message?"
"'Aroden is alive, Aroden is here'? Yeah. Is that true?"
"Malduoni, the Keeper of the First Law, is Aroden reincarnated. He's been planning this for a while, though he only told us that part in the last day. But the gates are an outside collaborator. Who also brought us powerful mindreaders and enchanters who can go straight through everything short of mind blank, dozens of absurdly flexible abjurer-evoker sorcerers, and the broadcast telepath."
"Wow. This is all extremely impossible, you realize."
"You don't have to remind me, we conquered Egorian and the Worldwound in hours, and I was there, and I still don't believe it."
"Empty thrones, that's even more impossible."
"It is that. The battlefield healing should be helpful, but I think what would be more helpful would be character references for who in the government can be tapped for continuity. We're going to panic everyone, I assume, but we want to calm them down. And 'who is trusted' is a harder question than 'who is trustworthy'."
"Hmm. Well, you may have noticed that trust is not considered terribly laudable, here. But here's what I would do..."
He's unclear whether his advice actually helped, but it successfully keeps him from being blackballed like most of the priests in the country, so that's a success at one of the goals, at least.
He frees his slaves, since it's legal now. And gives Tibex his enigma headband, which he won't need nearly as much and which Tibex might want and can otherwise sell to support his family for at least a year or three.
Then he writes a letter.
Dear Enora,
I imagine reports out of Cheliax are somewhat garbled at the moment. I am well, the diabolists are out, and, as impossible as it sounds, Aroden is back, and in charge. Not a god at the moment, somehow? I didn't really follow. He's been recruiting his invaders in Rahadoum for decades: Keeper Malduoni was him, under an alias. So I imagine relations with Rahadoum will be somewhat normalized in the near future. (Most of the army came from another world entirely, they'd been preparing to invade a different country, and instead they came here. And the country they didn't invade, which is more or less Lastwall's kid brother, attacked the Worldwound. Which worked, they have the wardstones back within a mile or so of the epicenter. Yes, this is incredibly impossible, but I'm pretty sure it's the truth.)
In any case, halflings are no longer enslaved on sight in Cheliax, so my parlor is open to you in practice as well as theory. (Relatedly, I've freed my three slaves, which is a relief.) And I suspect I may be back in academia in the near future, since there are a number of arcane schools whose deans have fled to Hell. So I may be able to offer you a job if the Occularium takes issue with any of your research. Even if not, I'd enjoy a visit whenever you're in from the field.
Yours,
Theopho
View Flat HTML
View Metadata
Search Post