Eeeeeeeeeee.

"I like you so much."

"I like you too."

"—okay I don't mean to sound—something—but you—I mean—do know what that sounds like, uh, I mean—in Japanese, right?"

"I have lived here for about ten years, so only probably."

"Iiiiit, I mean, when you say it about—a person, it's—like—romantic—you know? It's—not—I mean—quite as strong as in English when people say—uh—you know—but—married couples say that to each other too, so—" He is being SUCH an insecure dumb mess but he really really really needs to be extremely certain that Haru isn't saying something he doesn't mean because it would be the WORST.

"I am aware that it's different than saying that I like ice cream. English actually has this also but it's reduplicative, I would say 'I like like you'."

"Oh. Okay." He's feeling a bit faint. And a bit nauseous, too. Actually that last one is bad enough that he flinches and holds his stomach for a moment before trying to shake it off.

"...are you sick or something, you keep looking queasy. You're aware I have healing magic, right?"

"—oh. You do, don't you. Um. Maybe? Though—I thought magical people couldn't get sick—"

"We can get hurt."

"Oh. Right." He sits back down next to Haru and leans his head against Haru's shoulder. "I've been feeling kind of—nauseous—for a while now. I think it's just—the stress? Of, um, being a magical boy, and saving Tokyo? Plus being, um, anxious about, um, you know. So I'm not sure I'm—hurt per se."

"Well, if you have a stress ulcer then it might just come back but I can probably fix it for the immediate term, at least?" Haru transforms and waves a hand at Yutaka's midsection. "...did that do anything, it didn't really feel like I was doing anything but maybe I'm hyper-efficient at stomach bugs because that's more like malaria than fixing injuries is."

"...I don't think it did," he says, sounding apologetic, which he realises is the dumbest thing, like, why is he apologising for his stomach ache, but still, he is.

"Damn." He detransforms - he put his clothes back on after the bath - and pats Yutaka's stomach apologetically.

Yutaka didn't put his clothes back on, he's just wearing a bathrobe, and sighs. "It's not your fault. And anyway I usually feel better after I eat, so, let's eat?"

"Sure." What's microwaveable. Dumplings or anything like that?

Yutaka's fridge, freezer, and pantry are all stocked with foods of various degrees of easy to microwave, because Yutaka doesn't like wasting time with food. He didn't pick most of it, he has people who make sure his kitchen is always well-stocked, and also one person who makes him meals occasionally, so he also has some leftovers of some dinner he never ate because he's been spending all his dinners out with Haru.

Haru can pull together a serviceable dinner out of this. Leftover fried rice, microwave dumplings, condiments. Voilà.

And so Yutaka can spend the rest of his evening and his whole night with his boyfriend. Who died earlier today. But Yutaka made it all better. So he shouldn't be feeling upset anymore.

He doesn't understand why he still feels upset.

Haru texts Ren a picture of dinner and that he's staying over again, and he snuggles his boyfriend to sleep when they go to bed.

Haru talks, when he sleeps. He hadn't known that prior to the first time he offered to sleep over at Yutaka's, and Yutaka felt a little bit smug about being the one to tell him. He's the only one who got to see Haru like this.

So now they're here, and Haru fell asleep first, and Yutaka can hear Haru breathe and occasionally say nonsensical things while he stares at the ceiling and realises slowly that he does know why he still feels upset. He does know why he's been feeling nauseous and stressed out. He does know why liking Haru has hurt so much, why it hasn't been just happiness and wanting what he can't have and butterflies.

He's in love with Haru. But Haru shouldn't be in love with him. Haru shouldn't like him. Haru wouldn't like him, if he knew everything.

He's in love with Haru, and he needs Haru. He can't ever, ever tell Haru any of this, because if he does, he will lose Haru, and he will lose himself at the same time.

He's in love with Haru, and if he's going to lose himself, that needs to wait until at least two weeks from now. It needs to wait until they've saved Tokyo. He can't, can't, he thinks he won't be able to keep going without Haru. Eventually, sure, he doesn't think he's going to die if he loses Haru or anything, but it will, will, it will damage his effectiveness. He needs to save Tokyo. They need to save Tokyo.

He's gonna counterfeit money, so why not counterfeit this, too? Just for a while? For Tokyo?

It's fine for him to be a little bit selfish for a little bit longer, right?