:I think it's actually working really well! Just, this is extremely weird of you and you shouldn't expect other people to work that way: Gears are so pretty. She has a good angle on the gyroscope thing now and it's so lonely and pretty like one single cloud wafting across an empty sky.

:It's really frustrating that other people don't work that way! It - it makes me feel even more like, like I'm the only person who'll actually notice and fix the problems and I have to be strong enough to do it by myself: 

:Normal people don't just sit around doing nothing all day, you know:

:I mean, no, but I feel like a lot of the time they - don't check if the things they're doing are actually solving the problem they want solved? Or they're not even seeing it that way, that solving it is their responsibility instead of it just being - a good person thing, to do things, whether or not they work: Shrug. :I - think Tantara is less like that, or - at least it's mostly fine even with people being like that. Predain really isn't and I'm going to go back and fix it once I'm old enough: 

:Can you give an example?:

:Uhhh - so when I was first here, some boys were bullying this girl, they - weren't actually breaking the rules and fighting physically but they were saying mean things and making her cry, and - doing things that were almost but not quite breaking the rules, like tripping her so she fell and pretending it was by accident. And there was a teaching assistant right there and he wanted them to stop it and felt bad - I, um, I was reading people's minds still, this is before I talked to you about not doing that and also I hadn't - realized yet that not everyone had knives all the time and things like that... Anyway he felt bad and it was his job to look after the students and he sort of told them 'that's not nice, stop it' except they were obviously going to keep doing it the second he went away, only he...felt all good about himself anyway for being brave and saying something, but it wasn't even brave because it wasn't dangerous for him to do... I don't know: Shrug. :I understand how the rules work better now and maybe he couldn't've done a smarter thing very easily. But it bothered me: 

:I don't think there was an obvious smarter thing for him to do, just - creative things that might've helped. I think actually it wouldn't be very good if everyone tried creative things that might help whenever they had any kind of problem? Because it'd make absolutely everything harder to predict and make even boring non-creative plans around... and sometimes people's judgment would be bad and they'd make it worse... also people have to be brave to do things that aren't literally dangerous a lot and that's not even a weird one, it's like stage fright:

:- Huh, really? I don't think I have that, that seems weird. I'm - scared sometimes in a way that's wrong here, because in Predain if you said something that upset people they might decide it was rude enough to hurt you over, or just notice you existed enough to want to hurt you. And sometimes things are scary because - if people decide I'm evil then I'll get kicked out of the school and then it'll be really hard to learn enough things that I can go back and fix Predain. But it doesn't make any sense to be scared if you already know it's definitely not dangerous, or - or only dangerous in a way you're strong enough to handle: 

:People's feelings don't always make sense! People with stage fright can't stand - being the center of attention, or they can't bear to look silly, it all blows up to huge proportions in their emotions even if they can tell you 'in fact no one will throw a tomato at me and even if they did that wouldn't be lastingly injurious':

:That sounds so frustrating! I would be really annoyed at my feelings if they worked that way and didn't - listen and go away once I noticed why it wasn't helping anything: 

:I can tell! But this is you being weird and not everyone else being stupid:

Ma'ar looks thoughtful. :...That makes me less confused. That other people's feelings don't change or go away if they think hard enough about what other feeling would be more helpful to have instead: He frowns. :Do yours, though?: 

:If I want them to, but I don't always just want to have a helpful feeling, I want to have feelings that are - mine, and part of them being mine is that I can sort of boss them around, but I don't want to boss them around to be convenient if that'd be - fake?:

:Huh. I...guess my feelings are mine but that's sort of not the point, obviously they're mine, who else's would they be. I - want my feelings to be - about things in the world that are true, instead of being caused by something I'm wrong about, and I want my feelings to help me get things done that are important, or at least not stop me from that. I - don't think I'm that good yet at just having feelings that make sense, I keep getting so mad in class and I know it doesn't help, I'm going to work on only being as mad as I want to be once I finish with the scared thing: 

:Well, like, if my mom died, being sad about it wouldn't make me better at doing things and would probably make me worse at things but I wouldn't want to just not be sad about it:

Ma'ar pauses, goes quiet and pensive for a while. :...No, actually I think it does make you better at doing things, or - better at knowing true things, at least? Or maybe I don't mean true, not in the sense of...how it's true that the sun will rise tomorrow, but - whether something is bad, whether it'd be better if something changed. People dying is bad, right? I'm - still really sad and angry about my mother dying, I think it's - important, to not just - decide that's an okay way for the world to be just because I couldn't change it. I don't want to break my ability to tell that sometimes the world is a way but it shouldn't be: 

:I can think things shouldn't be without having a lot of feelings about it. Like that the library should be organized differently, or even that guards in Predain should be nicer, I'm not really emotional about that although I could get that way if I thought about it enough:

Shrug. :I mean, sometimes I decide to only feel a little bit sad about something because it's distracting and the best way to - make things like that not happen again or be different - means I have to not be distracted. I don't go around actually feeling that sad or angry about Predain or about my mother most of the time, just...if something reminds me and I do feel that way and - it's not a huge emergency where someone's going to die if I'm distracted, if that's true I just decide to not have very many feelings - then I guess it can be inconvenient but I don't mind?: 

:That sounds about right:

Nod. :So - you're saying my mind is weird and most people don't work like that, but...is there actually something wrong with me or is it fine the way it is: 

:I think it's fine? Lionwind has a lot more clinical experience but based on what I can see I think you're a weird but stable shape. It looks lonely though:

Shrug. :I think I - don't really know what people mean by that. I wish more people were - smart and I could know their plans would work and would be - plans that make things better... I'm glad you're like that and I'm glad Lionwind is a sensible grownup, that's nice: 

:It is! I'm really glad he came to class today:

Faint smile. :Thank you for checking instead of him - I think he's probably fine like you say but...I know you better: 

:I will have to, like, confirm with him that I'm not doing anything dumb, like I said, but yeah, I can be the one you actually talk to: