Maybe that's why the friendliness, if he had a very nice time and wants to keep it up for as long as they're on the planet. She thinks she is competent to do that and not catch feelings, and anyway she wants to. "It's late for a movie," she says noncommittally, but tugs him towards her room.

"Yes," he agrees, his voice distant. 

He sits down on the bed with her. "- I want to ask you about something. I - am sorry, I know it is a painful topic, I promise to distract you afterward if that will help. But - what happened, with the war in Hell? I - keep having nightmares about it, what I saw of it in your mind, and...I know it is none of my business, but I am missing nearly all of the context and I would - like to understand." 

" - Oh. Right. It's - not very complicated. When the Andalites and Yeerks showed up with starships who could destroy worlds, Aroden and the Good gods wanted to - use them to fight Hell. And then Asmodeus, who rules Hell, found out about Aroden not being dead and tried to kidnap him and did kidnap his wife and that - set off the war. And they jumped the ships in and destroyed things until Asmodeus offered them terms they liked better than destroying all of Hell, which was - after a couple billion people were dead. Outsiders, so they don't - get another afterlife - they're just gone."

"Oh.

- That makes sense." 

He's quiet for a long time, holding her, breathing. 

"....I am not sure why I thought that - it making sense would - make it seem any better." 

"I feel - betrayed, I guess, about it, which is stupid, but - Good people kept being nice, and compassionate, and saying that they wanted things to be better for everyone, and - it was starting to feel like it wasn't symmetrical, it wasn't just a war between two inhuman things that wanted things I didn't care about, and then they had the chance to destroy Hell and suddenly they were instantly willing to kill billions of people, and -

- it was stupid to ever think they might not have been."

"Mmm." Ma'ar is very still for a long time. "...It feels - dishonest, in a way, I think? Or - there is a way it can. The way it - feels dishonest for Urtho to claim he wants to help people, to make things better, because - he is not upfront with himself or anyone else what tradeoffs he would make, what costs he would choose to impose on innocent people for his goals. How could he be, he never thought about it." 

His arm tightens around her. "I am not Good. I do not think I have ever pretended to be, to myself or others. I can imagine a world where I would do what Aroden did, Hell is horrifying and billions more people would have gone there, and -" An uneven breath. "I am not surprised by what Aroden did. But - I am disappointed, I think, if it felt like a betrayal to you - if you thought he was someone who would not do whatever it took to shape the world into what he wanted for it. I - I want my allies to know what I am. It feels dishonest, to - pretend I will rule out plans if they are not nice enough." 

"I didn't think Aroden was something different than what he was. I don't know. It's perfectly coherent, for Good to mean being nice to random people most of the time and also destroy everyone in Hell if you get the chance. But - but when I was thinking about whether Good was different than Evil I was thinking about - little superficial surface detailing, I think, that wasn't who they were when it really mattered..." Shrug. "It's not really about me."

"Honestly I am more confused about why Evil would mean being cruel to random people most of the time! Most of the time there is little if anything to be gained from that, it - just makes your own life more unpleasant too. I do not prefer that people hate or fear me, it is very tiresome! I - can decide not to be troubled by someone's pain, if for strategic reasons I need to hurt them and watch them suffer, but that takes work. And...I am trying to make the world less broken, and perhaps the difference it makes to be kind to strangers when there are no strategic considerations not to is negligible, but it is also cheap." 

"Hmm...Aroden kidnapped me. When I was recruiting for Mhalir. And I was uncooperative with questioning and he didn't hurt me. And - that cost him something? I'd have been cooperative faster if he had, and I wouldn't've attempted to escape, which I did, because I would've assumed that it wasn't worth it knowing what he'd do to me if it failed. A Chelish person would've hurt me and I think that's just sensible." Another shrug. "Having people hate you is usually a disadvantage but having people believe that if they betray you they will die very slowly just seems strategic."

Nod. "I have not personally used torture in interrogations before, but that is mostly because it is quicker and easier to use compulsions and mindreading; I did not try to change Predain's existing broader policy on it, which does involve - hurting prisoners who are uncooperative with questions."

Shrug. "I find it useful if people choose not to fight me because that I am better than them at it and will win, and that even if at first they come out ahead, I will not let them keep their victory. It...is valuable to be known as very ruthless and as - someone who will take action against anyone who makes themselves my enemy, even if at the time that action is costly to me and of little benefit. But I have not found it helpful to make it known that I will kill them slowly after I defeat them." 

"It is possible that a lot of my context on what commitments are strategic are very - shaped by Cheliax, which was designed to make people evil."

He squeezes her. "That - makes sense. I...think that suffering is bad, and death is bad, no matter who they are happening to - and sometimes I will cause more of both in the short run, because I care about the future too, and...I try to do math... And I much prefer operating in a setting where it is not in my strategic interests to hurt people or be cruel to them. I have been trying for decades to make Predain less - like Cheliax, I suppose, though I think it was never deliberately shaped to be Evil, so much as...very, very broken." 

"I think you did a good job. I liked it, there."

"I am glad." He strokes her hair. "- I think that answers my question. I am sorry for ruining your good mood - would you like me to distract you now, and make it up to you?" 

It would be easier to just say yes, because then she'd be distracted, which does sound very appealing, but - "I kind of want to know what you want? Here? You can read my mind but I can't read yours so I am very unclear on -" Shrug. "Why you're being nicer. Whether you're expecting anything."

He makes a soft sound, half a chuckle but without enough air in it to really work. "- You know, this is probably embarrassing or something," (he doesn't sound embarrassed, particularly), "but...I am not really sure how to parse that question or what kind of answer you want. You could just read my mind too? It would be simpler." 

"Uh...sure. You don't have to answer it, I'm not going to lie to myself because I don't know or anything."

"No, I - want you to know. It is just hard to explain, it keeps feeling as though there is some different framing that I cannot understand even with reading your mind." 

He lowers his shields, since that'll presumably help even with non-Thoughtsensing mindreading, and deliberately relaxes and intends not to resist her spell. 

She casts Detect Thoughts.

Ma'ar's thoughts are a tangle of half a dozen different threads; insofar as he's a bit tipsy, it mostly means that he's less focused on a single one, and there are more emotions floating around with unclear connection to the rest. 

He hadn't realized he was being nicer to her? He supposes he feels more relaxed around her, which is maybe a little about sleeping together, but is more about the sparring, and more than that about...something subtler, something upstream of all that, which he has a hard time pinning down. It's whatever made her able to notice that sparring would help his mood, and motivated to offer it, and it felt like that was the first time he really started to see what it meant, that her caring about Mhalir transfers to him. And what 'caring about someone' means, for Carissa, who's so cautiously guarded in all of her emotions and attachments. 

He doesn't think he has expectations here, not of her. She could at any time decide to leave, or be pulled away, or decide she isn't actually interested in him that way, and - it would be fine, he's an adult, he won't get stupidly upset no matter what happens. 

The thing he wants is - very specific and even he isn't quite sure what it is, except that he wants it more, rather than less, after yesterday. It has as much to do with how the party felt, Mindspeaking her at random to share his commentary, as it has to do with sex. Though the sex was very good. He's been with a lot of women and sometimes it's good in that way and usually it's boring and he thinks about magic during, and he's never really understood what makes it one way or the other. Either way that's something he's fine with or without, it's nice but he's not really planning to chase it, especially not at the expense of his strategic aims. 

...but there's something else that he wants, he's starting to think that maybe he wants it very badly actually, and it's - related, at least, to how Carissa is with Mhalir. Partly how they share her body and magic in such a beautifully effective, efficient way, but it's not exactly that he wishes he were a Yeerk and could do that, it's - there's a thing there...

(Ma'ar is feeling vaguely apologetic that his thoughts about this are so murky, it'd be easier if he were sober. Though possibly if he were sober it would feel too self-indulgent to dive into his confused emotions at all.) 

- huh. She doesn't think she can figure it out for him, she is not sure what people usually want when they want a mysterious thing? What Mhalir has is - Carissa, they plan together and do things together and take risks expecting the other to help, her body and her mind are his to use, he has to take care of her in exchange but she is his, which seems like a thing you could want if not a Yeerk, but not a thing you can have if you're not a Yeerk.

Ma'ar doesn't seem to be thinking of it as quite that out of reach, though that may be partly because his mind is clearly not in the habit of considering anything out of reach. 

( - not even a nameless infant killed before she was ever a person - or a man's body carried back to camp, dead, his neck broken from his assailant's club - or a woman's screams from the tent he was forbidden to enter... Probably those are beyond anyone's reach to fix, ever, no matter how many thousands of years he has, but he hasn't, actually, resigned himself to that.) 

He's not expecting her help in figuring this out, and he's under no illusion that he has any chance of getting what he wants unless he pins it down precisely enough to plan, and then finds a way to lay it out and shape himself so that it's in her interests too.

The thing he's trying to show her is - just, he doesn't understand what sets of wants or expectations on his part would be a dealbreaker for her, and he's not going to try to twist himself into the shape she wants, that's stupid. He wants to show her what's there, and she can decide if she's still interested in having him in her bed. And - that's deeply woven in with what he wants, here. For it to be her choice, as an agent in the world, with the power to have goals and make plans and achieve her preferences, and the world where her preferences include being in bed with him would make him very happy, but he can't get that by manipulation and so he isn't going to try. 

- it's not really that there'd be anything on his end that'd be a dealbreaker for her, except obvious things like if he were planning to murder her or imprison her or something, and it's also on her to make those not good ways to get things he wants. Whether he wants to imprison her feels like much more a verdict on her weakness or strength than on his character; obviously anyone with goals would want to under some circumstances and if she doesn't care for it she should do something to make sure those circumstances don't obtain. ...it also might be a dealbreaker if he were doing this specifically with the intent to diminish her credibility or have leverage over her later (she shoves at him his earlier uncertainty about whether they were being discreet in Predain in order to avoid undermining her), even if she didn't think it'd work, because it seems like a stupid bet to take that you're right about the consequences of something you don't stand much to gain by. But she wouldn't feel betrayed. Sleeping with people for leverage over them is a fair move; she has never been under the impression he wouldn't, if it were a good idea. Almost everything is a fair move, here, and that feels like - an important thing to convey - that she is navigating under the assumption that he'll serve himself, and she doesn't need anything from him, but if she knows what serves him then there's lots of wasted energy on countermoves that could be reallocated. She doesn't really feel like she knows enough to reallocate it yet. 

Huh. Well, there's a certain straightforwardness in that explanation that he appreciates. 

He's not trying to undermine her. That would be stupid and not achieve his goals at all; he's put massive effort into convincing all the political actors in Predain that he was being clever and showing foresight, when he surrendered to Urtho at her request, that becomes way less convincing if they see her as less powerful. (...He admits there's also a coherent story to the version where she's favouring Predain because he seduced her, but he thinks it's overall a story that he would find much harder to work with.) He was being discreet at the party partly for her appearance, and partly because he has to - inhabit the right mode, for that sort of event, it's like putting on a mask, and it'd make it weird to also be trying to do the thing he actually wants to do with her. 

He's not going to change any of his strategic priorities based on whether she sleeps with him or not, because that would be incredibly dumb of him; it won't change any of the facts about Golarion magic or Yeerk technology or their relative bargaining power, maybe it would if he expected her to make strategic decisions based on emotional attachments, but she won't, which honestly simplifies things a lot. It means this can just be...whatever it is, for whatever length of time it makes both of their lives better on the margin to do this. 

Ma'ar suspects most people would have a hard time meaning a claim like that, even if they were making it, but he's spent decades balancing that tightrope. If he can sign off on a policy that involves torturing prisoners suspected of treason, because it still makes sense in the current environment of Predain even though he hates it, he's pretty sure he can keep his judgement on what trade agreements to agree to separate from his personal feelings about Carissa, whatever they may be. 

That is very sensible. She would in fact be confused and slightly disconcerted if she had somehow acquired leverage by doing this; she knows how to not fuck up and make yourself vulnerable where you didn't intend to be, but she's not actually good at this, she would've been startled for it to have worked at getting her something she wasn't aiming for. 

With that established - she enjoys sleeping with him and they could do it again.