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Mordred says that Lev is supposed to go off his medications and tell Mordred if he's not feeling well and needs to taper down more slowly.
Obviously, the thing this means is that Lev is supposed to taper down as quickly as possible and hide the tremors and headaches and sweating and light hypersensitivity from Mordred so that he isn't upset by them.
Lev manages to do this for almost two days.
About twenty minutes later, Lev starts thrashing.
"Mouths-- mouths, there are mouths, there are mouths everywhere, there are so many mouths-- teeth and, and breath and tongues and-- all over me--"
"Shhhhh, it's okay, it's okay--"
Mordred doesn't want to restrain Lev but he doesn't want him to hurt himself either. Maybe if he just sort of... holds him. In a way that isn't quite a restraint but at least stops him from clawing at his skin to try to get the mouths away.
"Scared, scared, scared, so scared--"
Eventually he calms down enough to be still, and then he falls asleep.
Once he's asleep, Mordred gets up to stretch and get some food to leave by the bed and some more books to read to Lev.
Eventually Lev wakes up and curls up on Mordred's shoulder and says "love you, Ramon."
"I love your library. Is that a dumb reason to love somebody? But it's like I can see your whole brain spread out. All the books you made an effort to get and all the notes in the margins... All the things you care about. It's so good how much you care about things."
"You have such a good way of looking at things. I like people a lot. You look at people and you see that they're beautiful just like I do. Every person is their own entire world..." He trails off.
Mordred pets his hair. "That's beautiful. You see the world beautifully too."
"And you can look at other things, like the old gods, and when you explain them to me I see how beautiful they are, even though they aren't to me on their own." He's so sincere. "I love you. Thank you for showing me how beautiful Gol-Goroth is."
Mordred isn't sure what kind of face he's making but he does his best to stop making one. "You're very good."
Mordred is incredibly gentle about it. It's really more petting than pulling.
Lev makes happy noises and then seems to get lost in thought. His hands are trembling still, and he sweats.
After a while he says, "I went out with a sailor last night after school."
"Yeah. he took me out to eat and got me a hamburger and we went to the movies. And then we went to the back room of the saloon and I sucked his thing."
Mordred has acquired some new details about how gay sex actually works which he is trying not to think about in too much detail because it is off the table as an option for him.
".........I'm. Happy for you?"
"He's going to take me to Coney Island next week and then I'm going to let him put it in me."
What does he even say. How is he supposed to respond to this.
"That's great."
"I don't like it as much as some other girls do I think. It's kind of weird. And clinical? But it's nice to go to the amusement park."
His pulse is racing and he looks very unhealthily pale.
"And it's nice to make them happy I think. It's good that I have this easy way to make people happy and all I have to do is turn off my brain and put their cock in my mouth."
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